©2007 Diane Lau
1,500 words

 

Junk Drawer Invasion

By Diane Lau

  

The Pinkneys’ junk drawer was nothing special. The junk that lived in there was probably the same junk that lives in your family’s junk drawer. There was:

Stapler
Scissors
Matchbox
Rubber Band (“R.B.” to his friends)
Flashlight
Magnet
and the Battery Twins           

For a long time they all lived happy and normal lives, probably like the junk in your family’s junk drawer. But that was about to change, as you will see….

The Junk Drawer Friends got along well, and usually could find fun things to do. Sometimes they would play “Roll the Battery Twins.” Sometimes they would use Flashlight and R.B. to play the lantern game on the wall of the drawer. R.B. was so flexible he could make his shadow into many shapes, like a dinosaur, a flower, and even a cheese sandwich.

But what the junk liked to do best was read. Six days of the week there wasn’t much to read. Stapler had the word “Swingline” on one side, which everyone had memorized long ago. Magnet, who was the sort of magnet that sticks to the refrigerator, had a few more words than that: “Hot Hits WROK-FM.” That didn’t take very long to read either.

But every Sunday morning, Mrs. Pinkney would open the junk drawer and take out Scissors. He would be gone for awhile, but then he would return, along with a little stack of papers that Mrs. Pinkney called “coupons.” The coupons were left in the junk drawer until Monday morning, when Mrs. Pinkney got her groceries.

So the Junk Drawer Friends got to read for a whole day!

“50 cents off toilet paper!” shouted Matchbox.

“Hot dogs half price!” exclaimed Stapler.

“Buy one, get one free!” yelled the Battery Twins.

Reading was so exciting. You probably don’t know it, but most junk likes to read. Does the junk in your family’s junk drawer have enough to read? It’s best to make sure.

Now occasionally Mr. or Mrs. Pinkney would take one of the friends out, and later put them back. That was fun because then there would be stories about what was going on in the house.

“Mrs. Pinkney sure hates Tax Time,” Stapler reported to the others after stapling together a lot of papers.

“What is Tax Time?” asked Flashlight.

“It comes in April and makes the Pinkneys have to get out every piece of paper in the house and put them on the kitchen table in crazy piles,” replied Stapler.

One time Magnet was away for a whole month.

When he came back to the drawer he said, “I got to hold a picture on the Fridge…Nephew Joey drew it. It was great being on the Fridge, riding back and forth when the Pinkneys take out food.”

“Why can’t we get stuck to the Fridge?” asked one of the Battery Twins.

“Because we aren’t sticky, stupid,” said his brother.

“Well, neither is Magnet,” said the first Twin.

That made everyone in the drawer quiet for awhile. Hmmm…

So that was life in the junk drawer. All the Junk Drawer Friends got along well and not too much changed from day to day, until one Friday….

Suddenly the drawer opened and in fell a creature. A very strange creature. It was green, and had three eyes, and was like nothing the Junk Drawer Friends had ever seen before.

They stared at it. It stared back.

Finally Scissors said, “Who are you?”

The creature stood up very straight and said in a squeaky, scary voice, “I am BORKLOTRON, star of the full length animated motion picture of the same name!”

“Huh?” asked Matchbox.

The creature blinked its three eyes at him for a minute in silence. Then it said, “I am BORKLOTRON, star of the full length animated motion picture of the same name!”

None of the friends had a clue what this meant.

Now it might have been a good idea to ask this Borklotron some questions, like “What is a full length motion picture of the same name?” But the friends thought Borklotron was weird looking and its voice was quite scary. So they all backed to the other side of the drawer and pretended it wasn’t there.

Is there anything in your junk drawer that is sort of scary? The junk in there might think so.

The Junk Drawer Friends tried very hard not to seem scared of Borklotron. Finally R.B., Scissors and Matchbox decided to play the Guitar Game. R.B. wrapped himself around Matchbox a few times to make the strings, and Scissors plucked the notes. The other friends sang along. They started out doing “Row, Row, Row Your Boat.”

It was a lot of fun, until suddenly they heard that weird, scary voice sing, “Row, row, row!”

Everyone stopped singing.

“Row, row, row!” sang Borklotron all by itself.

So that was the end of the Guitar Game.

That night the Junk Drawer Friends all slept on one side of the drawer, and talked quietly about Borklotron.

“You know, clearly it’s a monster. It has monster eyes and a monster voice,” said Stapler.

“Monsters are bad, right?” asked R.B.

“Yeah, they’re bad!” said Flashlight. “Monsters do Invasions!”

“What’s an Invasion?” asked R.B.

“That’s when the monsters come and take over the Earth! They capture everyone and steal everything! An invasion is when…your home is invaded!” said Flashlight.

“OUR JUNK DRAWER HAS BEEN INVADED!” cried all the Junk Drawer Friends.

They looked over at Borklotron. He seemed to be asleep, but no one could be sure.

Saturday was not a fun day. Early in the morning, Borklotron started to hum. Then it started to sing, “Row, row, row! Row, row, row!”

The Battery Twins got very scared. “Stop invading our junk drawer!” they yelled at Borklotron.

It stopped singing.

No one knew what to do. So they spent the day watching Borklotron to see if it would capture or steal anything.

And nothing much happened the rest of the day.

The Junk Drawer Friends were pretty nervous about Sunday morning. Sunday was their favorite day, because that was when the coupons came. But they were very worried that Borklotron would try to capture or steal the coupons.

After Mrs. Pinkney dropped the coupons in the drawer, everyone grabbed them quickly. They took them to one side of the drawer and tried to read happily as usual.

Everyone had something to do but Borklotron. It just sat and watched them.

Then suddenly Scissors let out a yell. “Look, everyone, look at this coupon!” And he held it out for everyone to see.

There was a picture on the coupon…a picture of Borklotron!

Everyone gathered around to read what the coupon said. It read:

FREE with this coupon and purchase of a Burger Bus Fun Meal:
BORKLOTRON TOY!
Borklotron, the kids’ friend from outer space!
Star of the full length animated motion picture of the same name!

 “Wow…” said the Battery Twins.

“It’s a cartoon!” cried Stapler. “A full length animated motion picture is a cartoon, a long cartoon, a movie!”

“Borklotron is the star of a movie??” asked Scissors, amazed.

“A movie called ‘Borklotron,’ that’s what it says,” said Stapler.

“The full length motion picture OF THE SAME NAME!” cried the Battery Twins.

And everyone got it.

They all turned to Borklotron, who stared back at them with its three eyes, looking confused.

Magnet took a step towards it…him…and said, “Sorry, we thought you were a monster, but you’re actually a movie star, aren’t you?”

Borklotron said, “I’m a monster AND a movie star. And also a toy, available exclusively with your purchase of a Fun Meal at Burger Bus.”

“Wow,” said the Battery Twins.

“Can we sing now?” asked Borklotron.

So everybody put down their coupons and they all sang “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” together.

The Junk Drawer Friends had a lot of fun with Borklotron. But he told them he couldn’t stay long, because Mrs. Pinkney had gotten him for Nephew Joey.

By the time he had to go, the Junk Drawer Friends no longer noticed that he had a scary voice.

“Bye, Borklotron, thanks for the Invasion!” they said, waving goodbye.

“You’re welcome,” said Borklotron. “But you know I didn’t capture or steal anything.”

“You stole our hearts,” said Scissors quietly.

“YEAH!!!” agreed all the friends.

The next week was lonely without Borklotron. But Friday night the drawer opened and something fell in.

It was purple, and it had four legs, two floppy ears, and eye stalks.

“Hi, who are you?” asked the Battery Twins with excitement.

“I am Wooflotron, Borklotron’s best friend,” it said.

“From the full length animated motion picture of the same name!” cried all the Junk Drawer Friends with joy.

And they all played the Guitar Game till very late at night.

Maybe the junk in your own junk drawer could use a new friend, too. The story’s over, so why not go find something that can visit with them for awhile? Have fun! 

Guinea Pig Posse

I have now commandeered my long-sleeping blog as a vehicle to share with the world the continuing story of Guinea Pig Posse, the adventures of Blanche and her five fellow miniature guinea pigs. To keep up with the saga, please see the upper right of this page where content is listed (or if you're on a mobile device, use the drop down menu).

Enjoy!

Knitted Cactus Garden Pattern by Me!

Just popping back because I have something exciting to share!

I just created my first knitting pattern ever, this pretty dang fun Knitted Cactus Garden. And I even published it on the whopping big needlecrafting community site, Ravelry.

It was so much fun creating this project, and then designing the pattern (with lots of photos and real knitting lingo like "k1 p2")...if I ever actually sell it to someone, that will be icing on the cake!

The pattern is a mere $2.99 in my newly opened, one pattern Ravelry shop here.

Hail and...farewell?

It's been a whole year since I posted last and I can't believe it, Blog! Well, I thought such an occasion warranted some kind of comment from me. Clearly I have been putting my efforts largely into other channels, those being of a craftier nature. See also:

My Deviant Art page:

and my Ravelry page:

There's been a lot of other things happening in my life, just as I'm sure our handful of beloved readers have had going on this past year. But to make a long story short, Blog, it was high time for me to check in, and possibly, out.

I want to keep this blog online because there's no telling whether I might want to post here again some day. But then again, I might not, and I hate to have no kind of closure here if that should be the case! So, as I move on toward bigger and better things, I just wanted to put a "so long" in here, and say thanks to Blog for being my good companion on this blog, and thanks to you out there for reading. And seeing as I am, personally, short and sweet, that is how I will keep this post.

I'm not bad for 57...

Yesterday, Blog, I saw on Yahoo News that people were praising 80s beauty Bo Derek for looking amazing at the age of 56. Well, I'm still 56 for the next 17 days, so I was curious to see how Bo looked. Particularly since about six months ago I started a personal campaign to improve my skin. So, here's the photo of Bo that accompanied the report:

Don't get me wrong, Bo Derek is a much more beautiful woman than I ever was or will be. And I think she still looks great. That said, I looked at this photo and thought, "Whoa! I guess my beauty routine is working!"

Blog, the point of this post is not to crow, but to share what I've been doing since I guess I've proven it's successful. I know there are plenty of women in the same spot I was in six months ago, asking themselves, "Can't I look younger without surgery and/or horrifically expensive salon appointments and products?" I am totally turned off by ideas like chemical peels and botox injections, and Blog, if you had a face you would be too.

So, by contrast, here's a shot taken today of me, with no makeup whatsoever, and no Photoshopping.

I dare you to click on it and see the bigger version. Scrutinize, compare. Not bad, eh, Blog? Especially considering I never go anywhere without makeup and here I am, boldly sharing my naked face.

If Bo's face is that of a typical 56 year old--well golly.

Okay, now let's talk about my skin care regimen, which I guarantee will NOT give you the same facial features as I have, so if you're as pretty as Bo, just imagine how you'll look!


MORNING STUFF

1. I wash my face in the shower, so this is when I use my Spa Sonic, which I purchased for $50 at Walgreens. This is a cheaper and just-as-good alternative to the $120-200 Clairsonic. I read that this sort of "skin brush" system is really worth the investment and I believe it. I'll explain a little later why. For soap I just use my regular bath gel.

2. Using a cotton ball, I apply a toner that aids in cleaning pores and helping dead skin cells to slough off. My choice based on web research was Clinique's Clarifying Lotion. The large bottles are $22.50 but they last quite a long time. The stuff really refreshes skin without a drying effect.

3. I finish with moisturizer over my whole face and neck, and a "serum" (more concentrated moisturizer) around my eyes and mouth where the skin doesn't produce much natural oil. I've tried a number of products for this and to be honest, I just look for generics and on-sale options. Those Walgreens and Target equivalents of the pricey stuff seem to work just as well, and they save you a lot of bucks, Blog.

4. About skin color correction: I went through a whole bottle of the highly-recommended Clinique Even Better Clinical Dark Spot Corrector and didn't really notice much difference. I guess I just have to rely on makeup for that!

Speaking of, here's my made-up face...still without any Photoshopping...  Now look at Bo, who is, after all, wearing makeup. Now look back at me. Yeah.

EVENING STUFF

1. I wash my face nightly with Clinique 7-Day Scrub Cream. If you splurge on only one facial care product in this post, this would be it. Forget about your St. Ive's Apricot Scrub--for one thing, I read that it really tears up your skin. I've tried it, and a lot of other scrubs, and nothing compares to 7-Day Scrub Cream. It feels great, washes off super easily, and really does the job with exfoliation. So part with the $19.50. It hurts, I know, but it's worth it.

2. I use makeup remover to make sure I'm not leaving anything behind. This is a new thing for me, and I've been using Clinique's Take the Day Off Makeup Remover. I like that it doesn't leave my face feeling oily. I have nothing to compare it to really, so if you have a better option than the $18 this costs (again, it lasts a long time), go for it.

3. Then it's a repeat of the toner and moisturizers. I do use a "night cream" at night, which translates to "moisturizer that leaves your face shinier than you want your daytime moisturizer to do." My pillow doesn't mind if my face is shiny, Blog.

TANNING / SUNSCREEN

I am a maniac about sunscreen: SPF 30 goes on my face if I'm planning on being outside for more than a few minutes.  But thanks to the wonders of chemistry, I do sport a pretty nice looking fake tan. On my daughter's recommendation, I purchased Neutrogena Build a Tan from Target for a mere $8, and I'm sure it will get me through at least one summer.

I used it every three days till I built up a good tan, and now refresh by using once a week.  All over, so no tan lines! It is almost scentless, doesn't stain your hands or clothes, and feels fine on my skin, especially if followed by body lotion. Genius!

Bo Derek, as you may recall, sported a very dark tan back when she starred in "10." And I fear maybe in the intervening years she skimped on the sunscreen a bit. Take my word for it, folks--sun protection is #1 for delaying the effects of aging on your skin!

THE BEST FOR LAST:  THE FACEMASTER

You may have heard of this contraption, which is sold and marketed by another celebrity of yore, Suzanne Somers. The Facemaster uses microcurrent--low electrical charges from batteries--to stimulate the skin. This is actually a tried-and-true technique employed for year by salons and professional beauty technicians. As I understand it, the microcurrent (a) causes muscle-twitching that exercises and firms muscles, and (b) stimulates the production of collagen, which is what gives younger faces tone and smoothness.

All I know is, gosh darn it the thing really works. I use it faithfully 15 minutes every other day, and I have absolutely seen results. It reduces small wrinkles like crow's feet and mouth lines. It also builds up the tone of the face which actually works like a face lift. With more collagen in your face, your wrinkles and folds just fill out.

Plus, it's really refreshing to use, especially in the morning when your face could use a wake-up. I sit at my computer desk, put a slide show on my screensaver, turn on Sirius XM Spa, and enjoy.

The Facemaster retails for a daunting $200. But here's a tip: I found a slightly used one on eBay for only $50! A lot of people find they just can't keep to the regimen of regular use and so decide to sell their units. Frankly, with what I've experienced, I'd pay $200 for one...but $50 was way better, Blog.

OTHER TREATS

Occasionally I will treat myself to other beauty treatments that a person can do at home:

1. Facial steam--Fill a sink or large bowl with very hot water. Add your favorite essential oil if you like. Place your head over the water (not in!) and cover head and bowl/sink with a large towel. This opens pores and is great for preceding a facial.

2. Deep cleaning facials--There are lots of reasonably priced facial products around, and again you can snag bargains if you watch sales or shop at places like T.J. Maxx. You can also find lots of recipes for make your own facials online. I like mud facials in particular...feels like you're deep cleaning your pores.

3. Aspirin facial--This is my personal fave home facial, Blog. Aspirin contains salicylic acid, the main ingredient in acne treatments and chemical peels, but much milder. Just crunch about seven uncoated aspirins to powder and mix with a lotion like Oil of Olay. Spread on your face, leave ~10 minutes, and wash off thoroughly. This treatment, combined with the exfoliation in your normal routine (toner, face scrub, face brush) over time works just like expensive, drastic chemical peels. It all works together to keep fresh skin cells exposed rather than buried under the old-looking, dead ones.

That's it! So my equipment outlay was $100 and the ongoing expenses are perfectly manageable. I probably added about an hour and a quarter to my weekly time spent on grooming, which is sure worth it as far as I'm concerned. The routine is actually pretty enjoyable...

Especially because it works, Blog!  Even on non-movie stars like me.

Anyone else have tips for skin care, please do share in the comments!

We turned our patio into a CATio!

Blog, this spring we could wait no longer to create an outdoor space for our cats that would permanently and completely thwart their escape attempts. While Cody is pretty well trained to stay on the concrete pad, and the girls are a bit on the lazy/homebody side, new resident Archie gave us no indication that he wouldn't take off after the first bird that appealed to his wild Tabbysinian breeding.

So, it was time to turn our patio into a catio! Well Blog, I puzzled and researched and found that there wasn't anything similar online to our situation that offered a good solution. You see, the Magic House patio is surrounded by house walls on two sides and an evergreen hedge on 80% of the hypotenuse of the space. All we needed was a way to make the hedge impenetrable, as well as a means of closing up the entry gap.

After much thought and deliberation, I determined all we needed was these four items you see on the left, and a cat gate. Not much expense at all from Amazon, and pretty simple! So here's how it went down, Blog....

After much thought, I decided the least visually obtrusive way to deal with the hedge was bird netting. I got a package of black Bird-X netting in a 7' x 20' piece. I started by cutting the piece in half the long way, yielding 40 feet of netting that was 3.5 feet in height. I took Makai's nylon paracord in a nice dark moss color, and wove it through the netting on the bottom edge. Yes, that was time-consuming, Blog.

I ran this netting under the hedge, as far back from the edge of the patio as it would go, and tacked it down with Dalen steel garden staples, keeping the cord as tight as possible. I got 20 staples for the approximately 35 feet of hedge we have, and I'm going to supplement them with another 20 just to keep that cord snug to the ground.

Lastly, I filled in all the gaps under the hedge with netting, by hooking it on branches and affixing it with green Velcro plant ties here and there to hold securely. Yes, Blog, that was also time-consuming. The toughest part was blocking the area between hedge and house. Naturally that weak point was the first place Archie tested the system, so I had to adjust it immediately. Naughty tripod kitty...well, can't really blame him for being curious on the first venture outside since he made his home with us!

The entry way to the patio was the final issue, and happily while I was installing the netting, FedEx delivered the new cat gate! I used a Cardinal Versagate pet gate because it is stable, has flexible side panels, and has narrow gaps between the bars to block small tuxedo and Tabbysinian cats. That was ALSO time-consuming, Blog--I can't really recommend this gate on the grounds of easy assembly. However, it did work out to be just the perfect design for the job.

So, now we have a catio where cats will be able to play and rest contentedly with minor supervision, and humans will no longer be required to watch with vigilance and give the felines timeouts when they try to sneak away. Spring weather has arrived late in Wisconsin, Blog, but we were prepared for that first 70-degree day so our guests and cats could party together in perfect harmony!

Cutting board tablet holder tutorial

Whaddaya know, Blog--I've been crafting! Specifically, crafting this nifty copycat of a tablet holder sold by Pottery Barn. It fills a crucial need, as lately I've been doing a lot of pinning of recipes on Pinterest, and it's high time I figured out a way to cook right off the web. This little jobby really serves the purpose. Here's how my daughter Manzi and I made a pair for our Nook tablet and Kindle:

You start with a wooden cutting board, the paddle-shaped kind with a hole in the handle. I bought two of these on Amazon for an excellent price. You also need some wood pieces to make the little tray in which you will prop your tablet. If you only need to hang your holder, that's all the elements required, but if you'd like the option of standing the holder up on a table, you'll need a way to do that. I had the bright idea to get small wooden easels, which I purchased on eBay.

By sawing it off with my Dremel, I took the "cross bar" piece (upon which you would rest a picture) off so the easel could be mounted flat on the back of the cutting board. That wood bar, paired with a chunk of old yardstick, made for a perfect table-propping bracket, as you see in the photo. We used Gorilla Glue and small nails to put everything together. The Kindle and Nook fit precisely in their slots!

We painted the assembled holders with leftover kitchen cabinet paint: off-white glossy acrylic. The most fun part was antiquing! I used a sandpaper sponge so it would curve nicely around the edges so I could really remove a nice amount of paint. Then I mixed up some very diluted, very dark brown acrylic paint, painted it on and wiped it off, section by section, to complete the antiquing effect. In the photo, Blog, you will see before and after the antiquing process. After painting, I added small cushy stick-on foot pads to the legs of the easel to prevent slippage.

Using a couple magnets to support the hole and the easel-back, I am able to securely mount the holder on the side of the refrigerator. It could also hang on a nail on the wall. However you choose to use it, the holder makes it easy to keep your tablet in view while you cook.

Technology and crafting, in a perfect marriage, hey Blog?