A lesson in hotness from John C. Reilly

Hey Blog, hear our readers asking, “John C. Reilly...hotness?” Yes, that’s what I said. And I do mean that John C. Reilly, the guy you see in Will Ferrell movies acting crazy, the guy with the Play-Doh face and wild curly hair.

This is the guy I found myself really, really attracted to when we watched “Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant.” How could such a thing happen? Well, the easy answer is that anyone is hotter when he plays a vampire, and you won’t get an argument from me on that point. As you see in this photo below, once you adopt the blood-drinker persona, that boosts your sex appeal at once. Plus, you get to employ that timeless trick, the “looking out of the tops of your eyes” face that you see here (previously termed “the Look” on my old blog). Never fails to tweak the female libido, Blog.

But let’s give some specific props to John C. himself. Much to my surprise, the man can really work it. Here he is managing quite a smoldering expression, never mind the normally goofy face and freaky hair. How about that? In his Seminar on Looking Hot Regardless of Your Natural Endowments, John might have that as Tip #1--Ignore anything you see in the mirror and just act sexy anyway.

And our next photo provides another suggestion: Tip #2--Go for an air of mystery, perhaps an attractive facial scar that suggests a dangerous past. Hockey players have been using their facial scars this way for decades. John C. does a great job in the movie employing that irresistible blend of danger and beneficence that really sucks a girl in. He could kill you with a gesture, and yet...he seems strangely interested in protecting you.

His next recommendation is not one we women like to consider, but guys sure know it works and we have to agree. Tip #3--Hitch yourself to a gorgeous woman whose attentions prove your attractiveness. See here John C. with arm candy Salma Hayek. If she wants him, why wouldn’t any female?

The next suggestion is pretty obvious, Blog. Tip #4--Wear a long coat. Nathan did it in “Firefly,” Keanu did it in “The Matrix,” Johnny did it in “Pirates of the Caribbean,” clearly it works every time. The coat = sex appeal.  Especially if you walk with a bold, determined stride and are back lit by moonlit fog.

Less obvious but definitely true: Tip #5--Employ a delectable voice. I did see the movie version of “Chicago” so I knew John C. could sing (he was Amos and did that great number, “Mr. Cellophane”). But in point of fact in his youth he was a huge Broadway fan and did nothing but musicals. If a guy can sing, chances are he has a great speaking voice too and you just don’t realize it. When he plays a vampire, he has a great opportunity to use that voice to best advantage, intoning his lines in vampiric style. Ooh.

Great ideas all, but John C. Reilly happens simply to be a very talented actor. He did a fabulous job with this role, employing a dry, understated sense of humor, a flair for the sinister, and a low-key but palpable personal warmth. And I’m not gonna mince words about it, I found it all utterly seductive. Just watch this clip, readers, and you’ll get a bit of an idea.

I’m officially adding John C. Reilly to my “Guys Who Make Really Sexy Vampires” list. Sounds crazy, but dagnabbit, Blog, I’m hot for the guy.

The sexiness of genius

Some girls go for sexy pecs and six-pack abs. Me, Blog? I’m turned on by IQ.

Nothing else could possibly explain my attraction to Sheldon from “The Big Bang Theory,” who is nerdier than a game room at ComicCon. Okay, I admit I’m not exactly having fantasies about the guy, but I do adore him and could listen to him talk all day.

Likewise, I will forgive Dr. House anything even though he is more cruel and insensitive than a roomful of BP execs. Okay, even he is not that bad. But he can get away with bad behavior because when no one else has a clue how to save a life, House always knows.

There’s nothing like extreme genius to get this girl’s heart palpitating. When I began reading Neil Gaiman’s work it was his brilliant intellect as much as his writing style that awed me. (The illustration here is a portrait I did of him.) Musician Jonathan Coulton writes great songs, but it’s the fact that his lyrics are about DNA and the Mandelbrot Set that really turns me on. Grant Imahara on “Mythbusters” is a cutie, but it’s because he can build a robot that can do anything his crazy bosses want is why I’m smitten with him.

Back when I split with my first husband and found myself back in the dating pool, I hooked up with a guy who was a one-way ticket to irresponsible behavior. If you’re me, that is. He was physically totally my type, was a musician who played guitar and had a gorgeous voice, and probably had the highest IQ of anyone I’ve even known personally. I think I could have dealt with Factors A and B if not for Factor C. It was very hard for me to turn away from someone that smart; sure he was bad for me in a half dozen ways, but when was I going to have a romantic shot again at someone so uberintelligent?

So, Blog, this enlightens you a tad more regarding yesterday’s confessed attraction to Dr. Hodgins from “Bones.” This geniusophilia of mine is a recurring thing, I assure you. Other crushes I’ve had in this category would include Sting (he’s not just another pretty face who specializes in tantric sex, Blog), Ben Linus (diabolical genius), Harlan Ellison (SF author I loved as a teen), Klaatu (brilliant space alien), and my high school trig teacher.

Have I ever written about any super-smart guys in my romances? Is the Pope Catholic, Blog? For starters, a couple of the protagonists in two of my favorite stories ever appear in Soulful Sex: The Darker Side. There’s the title character in “Dr. Chambliss,” who is pretty much the academic equivalent of House. And there’s also Riley Madsen, from “The Poet,” the world’s first rock star poet. The mysterious genius Eric in “Fantastic Toys” in Soulful Sex Volume II is also in this category. And there’s Sadhil Narayan, the brilliant filmmaker in my award-winning story “Alloy Love” from Soulful Sex: The Science Fiction Collection, whom you see in the portrait.

Just thinking about these guys makes me all quivery, Blog. Oh stop it, just because you’re a disembodied anthropomorphized being with a masculine vibe doesn’t give you the right to smirk!

Is there anyone else out there smitten with smarties? Any other nominees for high-IQ hotties? Hit us in the comments. Oh, and the hot links you see in this post go to entries on my old Erotica with Sex blog where I talk about said celebrity crushes, so if you’re into any of these peeps, click away for more rhapsodizing.

Blog takes control

Well, it seems that Blog has had an interesting idea: He thought it might be fun to interview me, and ask some of the questions none of the “real” interviewers have asked.

For an author that 1 in 1589730497 people has heard of, I’ve done quite a lot of interviews over the past five years. And I’m not complaining about what I was asked; I was always thrilled just to have someone interested in me at all. But these interviewers (much like myself on my old blog) felt obligated to stay on topic. They were asking me things on behalf of fiction readers, after all. So they kind of had to ask “Where do you get your ideas?” and “What’s your next project?”

Not so with you, Blog.

So, without further ado, let’s hear what Blog wants to know about me....

Blog: Have you ever noticed that the last line of the verses in “Young Girl” and “Lady Willpower” by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap have the exact same tune?

Me: Yes, in fact I have.

Blog: Did you ever notice that the one flute riff in “Land Down Under” by Men at Work has the same tune as “Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree”?

Me: No, wow--hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hma hmm hmm hmm hmm...you know, you’re right!

Blog: What’s your favorite Claes Oldenburg sculpture?

Me: I think it’s a tie between the Cherry Spoon Bridge in Minneapolis and the Crusoe Umbrella in Des Moines. How about you?

Blog: Cherry Spoon. Do you know the way to San Jose?

Me: Oh now, that’s just getting silly.

Blog: Sorry. What’s your favorite planet in the Solar System, besides Earth?

Me: And Kevin Smith? Oh, groannn, I apologize, you know I love Kevin Smith. My favorite planet is Jupiter, bccause in our grade school pageant our class played Jupiterians.

Blog: How jovial. Ha ha ha!

Me: Nice Latin punning there, Blog.

Blog: Thanks. What’s your favorite Kevin Smith movie?

Me: Still “Clerks.” I love the scene where Randal and Dante are arguing about the Death Star.



Blog: Nice. Now, as a romance author, you had to keep your geeky side a bit under wraps. What are the top five proofs that you are a total geek, in no particular order?

Me: 1. I crush on I.T. guys and engineers, and would rather go out for drinks with Sheldon from “The Big Bang Theory” than Brad Pitt. 2. I think comic book and action figure collecting is awesome and the more a guy has, the more attractive he seems to me. 3. I have been in love with Klaatu (Michael Rennie’s version, not Keanu Reeves, oh please!) for over forty years. 4. One of my proudest accomplishments is that I watched the first episode of the original Star Trek the day it premiered. 5. I think Ren Faires rock.

Blog: Okay, now even I am embarrassed to associate with you.

Me: You’re teasing.

Blog: Yes, I am. How do you like your gin?

Me: In a dirty martini with a bleu cheese olive.

Blog: And how do you like your bleu cheese?

Me: On a burger with bacon.

Blog: And how do you like your bacon?

Me: Um...on a burger, with bleu cheese?

Blog: Oh.

Me: Are you stuck now, Blog?

Blog: No, no, I’m not stuck! Just give me a minute. Okay, what’s your Jersey Shore name?

Me: I totally don’t get “Jersey Shore”! It baffles me!

Blog: You should go with The Wow-Situation.

Me: No, I don’t think so.

Blog: Okay, fine. Whose your favorite judge on “American Idol”?

Me: Ben Folds, even though he’s never been. He just should be.

Blog: What’s the best reality show competition ever?

Me: That’s easy! “Craft Corner Deathmatch”!

Blog: That’s not a real show.

Me: Yes, it was on the Style Network in 2005, you can watch an excerpt HERE!

Blog: You’re the frightening kind of geek.

Me: I’m harmless.

Blog: Okay, but if you were made dictator of the whole wide world, what’s the first thing you’d make happen?

Me: Have Gary Puckett rewrite that one line so it wasn’t the same in both “Young Girl” and “Lady Willpower.”

Blog: You’re trying to force this full circle so we can be done, aren’t you?

Me: You saw through my diabolical plan.

Blog: Can I interview you again sometime?

Me: Only if at least three people check the haha box below, Blog.