Blog interviews the word "awesome"

It's high time I once again handed over the reigns to Blog for one of his awesome interviews. And today his awesome interview is with...wait for it...oh yeah, the title already told you, the word "awesome."  Take it away, Blog!

Blog:  We're really pleased you could take time from your busy schedule to join us today, Awesome.

Awesome: Glad I could fit you in, Blog. Did you know at any particular second on Planet Earth, an average of 9,207,450 people are employing me in conversation?

Blog:  Doesn't surprise me a bit.  I know how difficult it's going to be for me to get through this entire post without employing you myself, Awesome.  Can you give us some reasons why you believe you've become so popular?

Awesome:  I have a theory on that, Blog.  I call it The Awesome Theory About Awesome, or TATAA.

Blog:  Of course you do.

Awesome: "Awesome" is one of those rare adjectives that can be used in place of any number of positive descriptors.  Those other descriptors would give the listener more specific information about the awesomeness of the thing being described, which would be good.  But the speaker would have to employ his or her brain and take the time to actually choose the most appropriate adjective, which would be bad.

Blog:  Not sure I'm clear on that, Awesome.  Could you provide some examples?

Awesome:  But of course.  Help me out by substituting "awesome" for each more accurate adjective I use.  This won't count against you in your effort to not use the word in this post, Blog.

Blog:  Okay, good.  Go ahead!

Awesome:  "This monster cheeseburger with jalapenos is delicious."

Blog:  "This monster cheeseburger with jalapenos is awesome!"

Awesome:  "I think Brewster Rockit is a very clever, humorous and entertaining comic strip."

Blog:  "I think Brewster Rockit is an awesome comic strip!"

Awesome:  "Diana Laurence's books are original, creative, engaging and delightful."

Blog:  "Diana Laurence's books are awesome!"  Well gosh, Awesome, I see what you mean.  It's almost like every other positive adjective in the English language could be eliminated if we all agreed just to use "awesome" for everything.

Awesome:  Not only that, it's a multi-purpose exclamation of pleasure too!  Let's try it, Blog.  "You got the job?  I'm so proud of you!"

Blog:  "You got the job?  Awesome!"

Awesome:  "There's a rest stop at the next exit with bathrooms? Thank heavens, because I royally have to pee."

Blog:  "There's a rest stop at the next exit with bathrooms? Awesome!"

Awesome:  "Firefly is coming back to television?  That's the best news I've had all month because that show was so original, interesting and fun and I really thought Simon Tam was hot."

Blog:  "Firefly is coming back to television?  Awesome!"

Awesome:  I tell you, Blog, I'm like the Swiss army knife of words.

Blog:  Meanwhile, you've appeared so much in the copy here that the word is starting to look weird to me.  AH-WEE-SO-MEE...

Awesome:  Uh...steady on, Blog.

Blog:  Sorry.  Anyway, tell me, Awesome...have there been any other words in history that can compare to you in ubiquitousness?  Ubiquitosity?

Awesome:  I think the closest thing is "cool."  However, there are certain situations in which you can employ "awesome" but "cool" doesn't work.

Blog:  As in?

Awesome:  Well, like you can say "Thomas Jefferson was awesome at writing stuff like the Declaration of Independence," but not "T.J. was cool at writing stuff like the Declaration of Independence."

Blog:  Yes, I see the subtle difference.

Awesome:  You can say "This hot pad is too awesome" but not "This this hot pad is too cool."

Blog:  How about "This cool pad is too hot?"

Awesome:  Right.  Meanwhile, other slang words that have been used as positive modifiers over the years are equally not as versatile.  Like "fresh," "the bomb-diggity," "rockin'" and even "sweet."

Blog:  Not to mention "the cat's pajamas."

Awesome:  Good example.  Like you can say, "That cat's pajamas are awesome," but not "That cat's pajamas are the cat's pajamas."

Blog:  "That cool cat's pajamas are cool"?  No way!  "That cool cat's pajamas are awesome" is so much better!

Awesome:  You know it, bro!

Blog:  And if you checked into a fancy hotel and opened the door to your rooms, would you say "Hey, this suite is SWEET!"?  If you bought yourself a fine aged cheese, sampled it, and found it delicious, would you say, "Wow, this aged cheddar is FRESH!"?

Awesome:  Awesome suite, awesome cheddar, my friend!

Blog:  Well, now I see why any minute of the day, 9,207,450 people are employing you in conversation.

Awesome:  Not to mention the additional 3,707,825 people employing me on Facebook and in tweets.

Blog:  I don't know what English-speaking peoples would do without you, Blog.

Awesome:  They'd have to refamiliarize themselves with hundreds of words like grand, attractive, spectacular, inspiring, appealing, beautiful, skillful, exemplary....

Blog:  Oh stop, stop, my head hurts.  A person's vocabulary can only be so big.

Awesome:  Exactly.  And you're welcome.  But now I must be off, I'm needed all over the English-speaking world!  TA-TAA!

Blog:  Ta-taa, Awesome.  You've been really great.