Blog’s imaginary cupcake shoppe

Today I’m letting Blog take over (always a risky proposition) to weigh in on the hottest topic in America today. No, it’s not the upcoming election, Obamacare, or even “Jersey Shore.” It’s cupcakes. What’s on your mind, Blog?

Well, Diana, it seems cupcakes are the new martinis. I mean, a few years ago everyone was obsessed with developing crazy new martini recipes, like the Scarlett O’Hara (vodka, Irish whisky, with dirt-rimmed glass and turnip slice garnish). But right now, the craze is definitely cupcakes. All you need is an oven, a cupcake pan, and your imagination, and you too can develop a menu of exotic cupcakes and open yourself a cupcake shoppe (and I hope you are pronouncing that “shoppee” in your mind when you read it).

I, Blog, would name my awesome shoppe “I’ll Cup Your Cake” or maybe “Cuppeecake-adelic.” It would have a sign shaped like a what? A cupcake! With sparkles. My spokesperson would be Elijah Wood. Why? Because I found this super excellent photo of Elijah Wood with a Cupcake:

Need I say more? And I would offer great cupcakes like these:

1. The Jalapeno Ranch. Cornbread cupcake with spicy bits of jalapeno, with fluffy Ranch dressing flavored buttercream frosting.

2. The Death by Chocolate. Dark chocolate cupcake with chocolate chips, bits of real Godiva 80% cacao chocolate, fudge pudding filling, chocolate buttercream drizzled with chocolate and dipped in chocolate sprinkles, with a chocolate chocolate chip truffle on top, topped with more drizzle and sprinkles, all tucked inside a bigger dark chocolate cupcake with chocolate chips, bits of real Godiva 80% cacao chocolate, fudge pudding filling, chocolate buttercream drizzled with chocolate and dipped in chocolate sprinkles, with a chocolate chocolate chip truffle on top, topped with more drizzle and sprinkles.

3. The Death by Vanilla. Vanilla cupcake with vanilla chips, vanilla pudding filling, vanilla buttercream drizzled dipped in vanilla sprinkles, with a vanilla truffle on top, topped with more sprinkles, all tucked inside a bigger vanilla cupcake with vanilla chips, vanilla pudding filling, vanilla buttercream drizzled dipped in vanilla sprinkles, with a vanilla truffle on top, topped with more sprinkles.

4. The Meat Lover’s. Meatloaf with gooey cheese filling, topped with garlic mashed potatoes and a meatball.

5. The Wapatuli. Captain Morgan’s rum cupcake with Hawaiian punch/Everclear flavored filling, and Malibu/Jack buttercream frosting.

6. The Lady Gaga. Electric pink cupcake piled very, very, VERY high with glitter frosting and topped with Beanie Babies.

7. The Thanksgiving (seasonal). Sourdough stuffing cupcake with gravy filling and bits of real turkey, with pumpkin cream icing, sprinkled with corn.

8. The Lost. Coconut cupcake with bits of Apollo bar, buttercream frosting flavored with MacCutcheon scotch, topped with a Dharma brand macaroon.

9. The Handyman. Oriented strand board cupcake topped with spray foam insulation.

10. The Wisconsin. Cheddar cheese flavored cupcake with bits of bratwurst, dipped in beer batter and deep fried, on a stick.
How could my cupcake shoppee possibly fail with treats like these on the menu? My mouth is watering just imagining it. Or would be if I weren’t merely a mouthless, non-corporeal, anthropomorphized being. Yum.

[<--P.S., you can get the actual awesome instructions to make an actual meaty meatlovers cupcake like this one here!]