Blog’s imaginary cupcake shoppe

Today I’m letting Blog take over (always a risky proposition) to weigh in on the hottest topic in America today. No, it’s not the upcoming election, Obamacare, or even “Jersey Shore.” It’s cupcakes. What’s on your mind, Blog?

Well, Diana, it seems cupcakes are the new martinis. I mean, a few years ago everyone was obsessed with developing crazy new martini recipes, like the Scarlett O’Hara (vodka, Irish whisky, with dirt-rimmed glass and turnip slice garnish). But right now, the craze is definitely cupcakes. All you need is an oven, a cupcake pan, and your imagination, and you too can develop a menu of exotic cupcakes and open yourself a cupcake shoppe (and I hope you are pronouncing that “shoppee” in your mind when you read it).

I, Blog, would name my awesome shoppe “I’ll Cup Your Cake” or maybe “Cuppeecake-adelic.” It would have a sign shaped like a what? A cupcake! With sparkles. My spokesperson would be Elijah Wood. Why? Because I found this super excellent photo of Elijah Wood with a Cupcake:

Need I say more? And I would offer great cupcakes like these:

1. The Jalapeno Ranch. Cornbread cupcake with spicy bits of jalapeno, with fluffy Ranch dressing flavored buttercream frosting.

2. The Death by Chocolate. Dark chocolate cupcake with chocolate chips, bits of real Godiva 80% cacao chocolate, fudge pudding filling, chocolate buttercream drizzled with chocolate and dipped in chocolate sprinkles, with a chocolate chocolate chip truffle on top, topped with more drizzle and sprinkles, all tucked inside a bigger dark chocolate cupcake with chocolate chips, bits of real Godiva 80% cacao chocolate, fudge pudding filling, chocolate buttercream drizzled with chocolate and dipped in chocolate sprinkles, with a chocolate chocolate chip truffle on top, topped with more drizzle and sprinkles.

3. The Death by Vanilla. Vanilla cupcake with vanilla chips, vanilla pudding filling, vanilla buttercream drizzled dipped in vanilla sprinkles, with a vanilla truffle on top, topped with more sprinkles, all tucked inside a bigger vanilla cupcake with vanilla chips, vanilla pudding filling, vanilla buttercream drizzled dipped in vanilla sprinkles, with a vanilla truffle on top, topped with more sprinkles.

4. The Meat Lover’s. Meatloaf with gooey cheese filling, topped with garlic mashed potatoes and a meatball.

5. The Wapatuli. Captain Morgan’s rum cupcake with Hawaiian punch/Everclear flavored filling, and Malibu/Jack buttercream frosting.

6. The Lady Gaga. Electric pink cupcake piled very, very, VERY high with glitter frosting and topped with Beanie Babies.

7. The Thanksgiving (seasonal). Sourdough stuffing cupcake with gravy filling and bits of real turkey, with pumpkin cream icing, sprinkled with corn.

8. The Lost. Coconut cupcake with bits of Apollo bar, buttercream frosting flavored with MacCutcheon scotch, topped with a Dharma brand macaroon.

9. The Handyman. Oriented strand board cupcake topped with spray foam insulation.

10. The Wisconsin. Cheddar cheese flavored cupcake with bits of bratwurst, dipped in beer batter and deep fried, on a stick.
How could my cupcake shoppee possibly fail with treats like these on the menu? My mouth is watering just imagining it. Or would be if I weren’t merely a mouthless, non-corporeal, anthropomorphized being. Yum.

[<--P.S., you can get the actual awesome instructions to make an actual meaty meatlovers cupcake like this one here!]

Blog interviews the word "awesome"

It's high time I once again handed over the reigns to Blog for one of his awesome interviews. And today his awesome interview is with...wait for it...oh yeah, the title already told you, the word "awesome."  Take it away, Blog!

Blog:  We're really pleased you could take time from your busy schedule to join us today, Awesome.

Awesome: Glad I could fit you in, Blog. Did you know at any particular second on Planet Earth, an average of 9,207,450 people are employing me in conversation?

Blog:  Doesn't surprise me a bit.  I know how difficult it's going to be for me to get through this entire post without employing you myself, Awesome.  Can you give us some reasons why you believe you've become so popular?

Awesome:  I have a theory on that, Blog.  I call it The Awesome Theory About Awesome, or TATAA.

Blog:  Of course you do.

Awesome: "Awesome" is one of those rare adjectives that can be used in place of any number of positive descriptors.  Those other descriptors would give the listener more specific information about the awesomeness of the thing being described, which would be good.  But the speaker would have to employ his or her brain and take the time to actually choose the most appropriate adjective, which would be bad.

Blog:  Not sure I'm clear on that, Awesome.  Could you provide some examples?

Awesome:  But of course.  Help me out by substituting "awesome" for each more accurate adjective I use.  This won't count against you in your effort to not use the word in this post, Blog.

Blog:  Okay, good.  Go ahead!

Awesome:  "This monster cheeseburger with jalapenos is delicious."

Blog:  "This monster cheeseburger with jalapenos is awesome!"

Awesome:  "I think Brewster Rockit is a very clever, humorous and entertaining comic strip."

Blog:  "I think Brewster Rockit is an awesome comic strip!"

Awesome:  "Diana Laurence's books are original, creative, engaging and delightful."

Blog:  "Diana Laurence's books are awesome!"  Well gosh, Awesome, I see what you mean.  It's almost like every other positive adjective in the English language could be eliminated if we all agreed just to use "awesome" for everything.

Awesome:  Not only that, it's a multi-purpose exclamation of pleasure too!  Let's try it, Blog.  "You got the job?  I'm so proud of you!"

Blog:  "You got the job?  Awesome!"

Awesome:  "There's a rest stop at the next exit with bathrooms? Thank heavens, because I royally have to pee."

Blog:  "There's a rest stop at the next exit with bathrooms? Awesome!"

Awesome:  "Firefly is coming back to television?  That's the best news I've had all month because that show was so original, interesting and fun and I really thought Simon Tam was hot."

Blog:  "Firefly is coming back to television?  Awesome!"

Awesome:  I tell you, Blog, I'm like the Swiss army knife of words.

Blog:  Meanwhile, you've appeared so much in the copy here that the word is starting to look weird to me.  AH-WEE-SO-MEE...

Awesome:  Uh...steady on, Blog.

Blog:  Sorry.  Anyway, tell me, Awesome...have there been any other words in history that can compare to you in ubiquitousness?  Ubiquitosity?

Awesome:  I think the closest thing is "cool."  However, there are certain situations in which you can employ "awesome" but "cool" doesn't work.

Blog:  As in?

Awesome:  Well, like you can say "Thomas Jefferson was awesome at writing stuff like the Declaration of Independence," but not "T.J. was cool at writing stuff like the Declaration of Independence."

Blog:  Yes, I see the subtle difference.

Awesome:  You can say "This hot pad is too awesome" but not "This this hot pad is too cool."

Blog:  How about "This cool pad is too hot?"

Awesome:  Right.  Meanwhile, other slang words that have been used as positive modifiers over the years are equally not as versatile.  Like "fresh," "the bomb-diggity," "rockin'" and even "sweet."

Blog:  Not to mention "the cat's pajamas."

Awesome:  Good example.  Like you can say, "That cat's pajamas are awesome," but not "That cat's pajamas are the cat's pajamas."

Blog:  "That cool cat's pajamas are cool"?  No way!  "That cool cat's pajamas are awesome" is so much better!

Awesome:  You know it, bro!

Blog:  And if you checked into a fancy hotel and opened the door to your rooms, would you say "Hey, this suite is SWEET!"?  If you bought yourself a fine aged cheese, sampled it, and found it delicious, would you say, "Wow, this aged cheddar is FRESH!"?

Awesome:  Awesome suite, awesome cheddar, my friend!

Blog:  Well, now I see why any minute of the day, 9,207,450 people are employing you in conversation.

Awesome:  Not to mention the additional 3,707,825 people employing me on Facebook and in tweets.

Blog:  I don't know what English-speaking peoples would do without you, Blog.

Awesome:  They'd have to refamiliarize themselves with hundreds of words like grand, attractive, spectacular, inspiring, appealing, beautiful, skillful, exemplary....

Blog:  Oh stop, stop, my head hurts.  A person's vocabulary can only be so big.

Awesome:  Exactly.  And you're welcome.  But now I must be off, I'm needed all over the English-speaking world!  TA-TAA!

Blog:  Ta-taa, Awesome.  You've been really great.

Adventure on a Tuesday night

Who says you can't have an adventure on a random Tuesday evening in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA?  Not I, Blog.  On this random Tuesday we travelled back in time and steeped ourselves in some gemutlichkeit, simultaneously!

Gemutlichkeit is the German word for friendliness and congeniality, and a quality traditionally expressed in our city's spirit of welcome and celebration.  English translation:  Milwaukee = party town. 

We found gemutlichkeit in abundance at a cozy spot called Best Place, located in the historic Pabst Brewery district.  This establishment was opened last year in the completely renovated former Blue Ribbon Hall, which was once the corporate offices of the Brewery and before that, Jefferson School (the oldest standing school building in Milwaukee).  It was built in 1858.

So yes, we were transported to the intensely German atmosphere of the Pabst Brewery, started by Jacob Best in 1844 and America's largest brewery until 1946.  Alas, the brewery closed in 1996, but it can't be denied that the spirit of German brewing lives on in Milwaukee, the city that beer made famous.  Best Place (named after brewer founder Jacob) features German and beer themed decor, stained glass, chairs marked with the Pabst script "P," and a painted fresco that explains the entire process of producing beer.  The courtyard houses a bronze statue of Captain Frederick Pabst, who married into the family and gave the brewery its name.  In short, it's a lovely old place full of Old World charm, and the perfect spot for enjoying some cold brews on a summer night.

But wait, Blog--lest you think that's all I have to say about time travel, there's more.  Our visit was prompted by the opportunity to see a local big band called the Mood Swing Orchestra perform a free two-hour rehearsal.  Was it 1858 or 1946?  Listening to fantastic old hits like "Brazil," "Satin Doll," and "How High the Moon," we were transported to the ballroom days when folks like my parents put on their dancing duds and foxtrotted to the music of the Dorsey Brothers, Benny Goodman, Harry James and their ilk.

The band members looked to range in age from 25 to 80, which was awesome and magical in itself.  And dancing to their music were tots of five and couples of 85.  We especially enjoyed an elderly couple cutting a rug with unmatched enthusiasm and more energy than I had on this muggy night!  I imagined the woman 60 years ago, pretty and young and perhaps dancing to celebrate the end of World War II, and reminded myself that inside her head she is still just that young.

Wow, Blog--what a night!

It's sad to see change, to watch treasured institutions come and go, friends grow old and pass on.  But what comforts me is things like Best Place and the Mood Swing Orchestra, ways in which we humans seek to preserve our history and keep the spirit of our past culture alive for new generations to enjoy.  I'll drink to that.

So here's some video I took of the band's first number, my personal fave, Glenn Miller's "In the Mood."  Pour yourself a good German beer, close your eyes, and listen.  Is it 1946...or a random Tuesday in 2010?

No one but me will care about this post...

...but this time of year I’m just so happy to live in Tuckaway that I wanted to talk about it, Blog. The square-quarter-mile area that is now home to approximately eight condo complexes used to be a golf course, and you can tell even now because of the hills, trees, and water features. So I wanted to share the spring beauty with any of our readers who don’t find this topic utterly boring.

To me it was super-NOT boring to research Tuckaway’s past thanks to great archived issues of the Milwaukee Journal and Milwaukee Sentinel (everyone should look at newspapers from their childhoods online, Blog). Here’s a way cool ad from Oct. 3, 1968 announcing the opening of the very first condos built on the former lands of the Tuckaway of Greenfield Golf Course (1926-1967). As you can see, condos were a pretty new thing back then.

The text proudly announces “Wisconsin’s first totally electric Condominium Village!” and goes on to say, “What is a condominium village? Simply, it’s a place where you can purchase your own townhouse instead of renting it. You can enjoy all of the many advantages of home ownership and yet be free from the burdens of yard care and the many other chores associated with home ownership.” What a concept, hey, Blog?

It took a long time to develop all the land, from 1968 all the way up to a couple years ago. Our particular condo association, Windermere Estates, opened in 1977. Like its predecessors, it was billed as high end luxury condo living. (I bet the people of 1977 would be amazed to see what qualifies as high end luxury condo living nowadays!) Wow, it had units with fireplaces and sunken living rooms (we don’t have either)! Anyway here’s one view of our place (gray trim) in its park-like environs.

Our condos’ biggest claim to fame then, as now, is that the units are stand-alone. Our realtor told us there are only two areas in Greater Milwaukee with stand-alone condos. From 1977 to 2003 when we bought our place, the condo values more than doubled. Meanwhile, the condo fees more than tripled. Here’s another view of our house, showered with flower petals.

May is the best time to take walks around Tuckaway, Blog. There are a ton of flowering trees, like this one that shelters Davie’s car, Biscuit Boy. (Davie would edit “shelters” to “sheds on.”)

Yes, Blog, TONS of flowering trees.

I always wanted to live in a Tudor style house so I am thrilled to live in Windermere, which looks like a little Tudor village.

It’s pretty in all the condo areas though. Here’s a gorgeous tulip bed in La Casa Real, where the buildings have a Spanish style. Throughout Tuckaway the public garden spaces are kept up beautifully like this.

And likewise our neighbors all put a lot of effort into their own landscaping. These immense lilac bushes and the flower beds beneath them are privately owned.

Here’s a grove of trees to the south of us that I just love.

Fountainview is one of the complexes that has been built in Tuckaway very recently. The trees are a bit immature for my liking, but the fountain is certainly pretty.

Here’s the one area in Tuckaway, besides ours in Windermere, where I’d like to live. This tree-lined pond is so beautiful.

It’s endlessly amusing to me to imagine 50 years ago when all this was an 18-hole golf course. I picture Don Draper-like businessmen traipsing over our hills in plaid pants and golf caps, making deals, talking about the Milwaukee Braves and drinking Schlitz.

And now I know the historical significance of the place. I mean wow, Blog--Wisconsin’s first all-electric condominium homes were here! Never mind that our condo has gas heat and we converted our electric stove to gas.

I’d sure love it if one of these days, digging in the flower bed, I turned up an old golf ball.

My TV Soulmate revealed!

Blog, it was very cool to see a lot of people participate in the TV survey so far. And I’m leaving it open for future readers if they would like to take it as well just for giggles. But right now I know you are chomping at the bit to find out the results.

Well, as you might expect, my best match in TV watching is Davie, with a score of 33 out of 39. It always nice to have your spouse/life partner be a good match in this regard, seeing as you do undoubtedly share a TV. Davie and I only differ on “Lost” (which he watched for a long time and then quit; he is not one who enjoys drawn-out suspense), musical shows (“Glee,” “So You Think You Can Dance,” “The Sing-Off”) and sometimes comedies. He also bailed on “The Office,” due to his [justifiably] perpetual embarrassment for Michael Scott, and although “30 Rock” cracks him up, he doesn’t watch it.

But Davie is exempt from competition here, and I’m happy to report I found another amazingly close match! “R.E.B.,” a Facebook friend of mine who friended me due to her interest in my fiction writing, scored an incredible 19. It’s fascinating to discover you have such similar taste in entertainment with someone you just met on the Web. Awesome!

What I think our readers will find even more interesting is the astonishing news of which of my shows scored highest with survey participants. Well, there was a tie with the totally awesome hit comedy “The Big Bang Theory,” but this other one surprised me.  It was…wait for it…“Mythbusters”! Who knew? (Besides those of you who looked at the graphic?) I never would have guessed that Jamie, Adam and the Build Team were so well loved by our readers. Hey peeps, for more stuff about my feelings for that show, check out this post on my old blog about “Hot Guys on the Discovery Channel.” You’ll find out which Mythbuster I think is the sexiest!  (Oh, and you can also find out my secret Big Bang crush on this other post.)

Davie and I were NOT surprised to learn you aren’t all tuning in to Larry Kudlow on CNN. But it did amaze us that no one else watches the incredibly awesome AMC drama series “Breaking Bad”! There’s a reason it keeps getting awards, people! So if you are looking for a good series to rent from Netflix, this disturbing but gripping show about a chemistry teacher turned meth manufacturer is terrific.

May I also throw in, glad to see a few votes for “Better Off Ted.” It’s a hysterical show in the same quirky vein as “Arrested Development,” which is constantly at risk of being likewise cancelled. Rent. It. Soon.

We got a request for another “Soulmate” survey in the future, Blog, isn’t that cool? I wish it could be “who has the most same songs on their iPod as I do” but no one is going to review 1,213 songs and click boxes. We’ll have to ponder it….

ANOTHER HINT!

Time for another clue as to who we’ll be interview next week for the big 50th Episode. Here it is: Blog and I both depend upon him--but Blog more than me. Ooooh, any guesses?

Looking for my TV Soulmate

Blog, I admit I watch a ridiculous amount of TV. But I do it, of course, out of duty as a cultural chronicler and arbiter of pop culture. Chah, right. Anyway, I’m just curious if there’s anyone out there in Internetland who has exactly the same taste I do and watches the same approximately 39 TV programs.

Why are you chortling, Blog? Like you don’t watch AT LEAST 39 shows yourself! And besides, sporting events are included in there too.

Well, I’m determined to find the answer to my quest, so I created a nifty ONLINE SURVEY, yes, that’s the link there, so that readers can see how they score. I think it will also be interesting to find out which of my shows are the most popular with our readership and which have managed to go largely unnoticed even though they are awesome enough to be watched by me.

There’s a place in the survey to put a name or nickname, so that I can announce my TV Soulmate in a future blog post. So use a name you’re not embarrassed to see publicized, peeps! Is there a prize? Well.…maybe. I’ll think about it. It may be worth a bribe to find my TV Soulmate.

How long do you have to participate? Just as long as it takes me to get enough survey-takers that I’m not embarrassed by the low number. So waste no time, click today! And pass along the link of this post to your friends, coworkers, family members and pets. I know my TV Soulmate is out there somewhere.

No, Blog, I don’t think it can be Prof. Snowcaps. He never watches the Food Network because he think he knows everything culinary, just because of that Ph.D. in Home Economics that he has. Pffft.