On "control": Give me back my life!

Blog, I don't think you have to be a control freak to dislike not having control. (But yeah, I'm sort of a control freak too.) It's perfectly normal not to want your fate in the hands of forces that don't give a rip about your best interests. We all have times in our lives when this out-of-controlness gets, well, out of control. And I seem to being having one of those right now.

Work: It's commonplace to feel like your work life is getting the best of you. I think more of us are feeling this than ever lately. Because of scarcity of jobs, a lot of employers seem to have the approach now that they can have less concern for the welfare of their workers, even though business has improved. What are we going to do, find a different job and leave? In my own life, and perhaps in our readers' as well, this is having a real impact. Reduction of wages and benefits continues with no end in sight, and hard work no longer means any kind of reward. And there's nothing you can do about it except add the extra work of job-seeking to your load. (Of course, this beats the nightmare of having been unemployed for months, which thankfully I do not have to endure.)

Red tape: As life increases in complexity, so does the red tape with which we all must deal. Just maintaining the status quo is a taxing task: bill paying, record keeping, maintenance of your various electronic devices, your car, your house, your own health, etc. And of course there are always snafus. This week I had to deal with a $100 rebate being rejected for improper paperwork, when in fact the paperwork was fine. And of course I also had to spend about six hours with the latest f*-up by my health insurance company and equipment supplier. I also had three medical appointments, one of which I accidentally missed! I've never done that in my whole life, I was just that stressed out.

Weather: I had lunch with my dad last week and he expressed again his conviction that the predictors of weather are useless. He proved absolutely right just a few days later. My daughters and I went for our annual camping trip and our first night was virtually ruined by a storm that no one expected to be of that magnitude. Then our second day, which we spent at the beach, was totally overcast and drizzly in spite of a forecast that very morning of total sunshine. How can you hope to plan weather-dependent activities? Well, you just can't. No control.

Human beings: I am blessed with a family that is sane, supportive, and mostly strife-free. My life wasn't always this way, so I sympathize with people who must cope with things like mean in-laws, abusive spouses, and challenging children. But even if your close relationships are good, you can bet some of the other humans around you will be a pain in the arse. My silly example from this week: I often keep my office door nearly closed due to noise or wanting to keep the room warm. The woman who delivers the office mail never recloses the door after she comes in. She is the type who, if you asked her to change, would get really snippy and still not change. All you can do to cope with the [admittedly tiny] inconsiderateness is flip her off on the sly. Yes, I do stoop to that level.

Technology: You know I love technology, Blog. But sometimes it functions more as a tool for humans to annoy you rather than as a way to save time and effort. This week I suddenly found myself, for the first time, no longer inclined to just delete unwanted emails. I was so fed up with people thinking they could inundate me from morn till night with crap I didn't want, I started taking the time to unsubscribe. As of this writing, after 48 hours, I have unsubscribed from personal stuff 43 times, and from work stuff 68 times. In two days, Blog.

I have insulin-dependent diabetes, a challenging condition that requires constant monitoring and action, and these days that's a comparative cakewalk to the rest of my life.

Well, Blog, you get the idea, and now let's segue into a more positive theme: regaining control. You know what? I found that just doing those unsubscribes made me feel surprisingly better. Why? Because each time I did it, it was like saying to another source of annoyance, "I control my life, not you, and I don't want your stupid newsletter about beauty products."

So there's Tip #1: Put yourself first when you deserve to be. Don't use this as a justification to be a jerk; that'll do nothing for your self-esteem and only make the world an unhappier place. But you are entitled to as much control over your time and labor as you can reasonably achieve, and especially in response to people trying to take advantage of you. Save the time and effort for people who truly deserve it--not spammers, telemarketers, or coworkers trying to pawn work off on you that is their own responsibility. As long as you are conscientiously doing those things that are rightfully your own duties, no one has the right to object.

Which leads me to Tip #2: Give karma a hand. You know karma, Blog: "What goes around comes around." I don't mind if you call this "slight vindictiveness," even. Example: Yesterday a guy selling online advertising called me about renewing for 2011. I told him my boss had decided to cut the program this time. Naturally he pressured me to reconsider...for a long time, despite my arguments. He claimed we'd gotten tons of website referrals in 2010. I asked him to email a report and I would check with my boss. Well, we have our own tracking, and I could see his report was falsified to a high degree. Well, lie to me and you'll see what happens! I didn't ask my boss, I just emailed the salesguy back a "no."

Going back to the camping story, here's Tip #3: Make plans that increase your own control. After our little weather debacle, my daughters and I made a new plan for future camping. In a nutshell, it eliminates the tent part and gives us fun alternatives to be together even if the weather fails at the last minute. For similar reasons, I avoid the following as much as possible: group work, people who regularly cancel social engagements at the last minute, and doing business with companies that have burned other people (Google is such a helpful tool).

And here's a tip for your mental health, Tip #4: Flip people off on the sly. I mean that figuratively as well as literally, like in my earlier anecdote. Sometimes other people simply have the power to make you unhappy and you have no way to change that. The "sly flip-off" can be helpful to let off steam and give you a little satisfaction, and is certainly better than brooding. I have been known both to quietly hang up on salespeople as well as to goofing off on the job for a couple hours when I've been mistreated by an employer--not that I mean my current employer of course! :-) As in Tip #2, fair is fair, and tipping the fairness scale back a little bit in your favor is nothing to feel ashamed of in my opinion.

On the flip side, there's Tip #5: Know when to let it go. I'm particularly bad at this as you might guess. Sometimes you just have to accept the crappy stuff lest you do nothing but add to your own grief. It can help if you say to yourself, "There's nothing I can do about this so I'm going to forget about it and give myself a treat." Then have a cocktail, some chocolate, or a lazy night of reading.

Lastly, there's Tip #6: Simplify and de-stress your life as much as you can. Employment is never going to be all joy (that's why they pay you), red tape is a part of life, and both people and things will always have their way with you to a certain extent. You can counteract these forces by making sure, in those areas of your life you CAN control, you are leading a balanced existence. Exercise, take time for yourself, don't over-commit to activities, eliminate bad relationships if you can, channel your energy into things that matter most to you. Leave yourself some wiggle-room to accommodate the unavoidable junk.

That's all I got, Blog, and I guess I said a mouthful. Good luck to all of you out there that are feeling put-upon. I hope this helped, and if you have more tips, please share in the comments!

When you're in over your head

Blog, you remember when I undertook to create a doll out of polymer clay some weeks ago, and managed (after a ridiculous number of hours) to complete the head and torso.  Well, this long weekend it was back to work on this daunting project.

You'd think it wouldn't be any harder to do a pair of legs and feet than to do a head and torso, right?  Well, here's the problem:  you have to also ATTACH the legs.  It was so maddening I am actually letting that split infinitive go uncorrected, Blog. 

There I was, feeling I had suffered enough having dealt with making the calves too fat and the feet too big.  (I was about to put the whole thing in to bake when I decided to remove a chunk from the middle of each foot.)  And having the heels out of proportion with the toes.  And the arches wrong.  And those tiny toenails looking mutant.  But no...it got worse.

My doll went into the oven perfectly posed on a box the height of her eventual rock seat.  I checked on her (fortunately) a few minutes later to find that her torso had pitched way forward.  Out of the oven quick!  Then I discovered although warm polyclay is bendable, bend it more than a tad and it simply cracks.  Both legs came off, the knees split, and one foot cracked. 

This was actually NOT the moment I seriously thought of throwing in the towel.  That came later, believe it or not.

I quickly patched the legs and foot and baked them separately.  They came out okay-looking, and my time was up for the day, so I packed everything away so I could switch to patio party mode for a day.  Patio party mode was much more fun.  I wonder if Michaelangelo ever packed his David statue away for a day and hosted a grape-stomping party or something.

Okay, back to the torture.  Next day, closer examination of the legs required me to do a lot of tweaking and clean up with carving.  Polyclay carves well, fortunately.  But wouldn't you think, Blog, that having taken four hours to do those legs, they wouldn't need more work?  One calf was still too big!  Etc.  Argh.  And then I fit them back on the torso, discovering in the process that during first baking, one of the knees got twisted in a very odd way.

This was the moment.  The about-ready-to-admit-defeat moment.  I had suspected when I started that this would be one of those challenges that was more than I could handle, but I figured it would be like portraiture is for me:  given enough time, I eventually get it right.  Maybe so, but it was looking like "enough time" might end up being about as long as it took to write, film and edit the entire series of "Lost."

Plus, I was really getting sick of working on something that wasn't very fun.  What I love about polyclay is (1) working with colors and (2) the quick results.  Obviously this doll was not in the latter category, but I was also really tiring of ecru.  Human flesh is a damn boring color after awhile.  I should have elected to make one of those beings from "Avatar."

Problem is, to admit defeat would be to have wasted the 20-something hours I've put into this thing.  That was even more depressing.

I eventually got the legs on in a position that actually is sort of cute and quirky while not looking impossible (the photo doesn't really do the pose justice, so take my word for it).  Hallelujah!  I laid the figure down this time and propped her legs and her head as well, to make sure there would be no pose shifting.  Baking went well.  More carving was necessary of course, and between waist and knees she looks like she has more cellulite than me, but fortunately some day (in 2012 or so) she will be wearing clothes and that won't matter.

Meanwhile, Davie and I agreed that I really needed to do a fun project for a change.  While dolly was baking, I made a pendant and earrings inspired by the gorgeous work of Meisha Barbee.  They didn't come out as well as hers of course, but they came out looking good enough that a person who hasn't seen the gorgeous work of Meisha Barbee would think they were pretty nice.  It was SO FUN doing something fun.  I will remember this the next time I get it into my head to do a Daunting Project.

So, all that's left now are the arms and hands.  "All that's left," ha Blog!  I can only imagine the nightmare ahead!  Mutant hands, arms at a crazy angle, arms falling off, hands breaking, and the doll coming out looking like she went through the transporter from "The Fly" and came out in a very bad way.  All I want is to survive all this so I can deal with the less daunting but still hard painting, hair making, and clothes creating.

I'd like to say this Being in Over Your Head thang is "an excellent learning experience," "character-building," and all that.  But Blog, it may also be something that conveys but one lesson:  don't overestimate your abilities.  I guess we'll see when it's all over.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Trying to make up for lack of talent

Well, Blog, as planned I spent the weekend launching my Diana Sculpts a Human Figure Project.  I'd amassed a ridiculous amount of tools and supplies and got myself a copy of the awesome book Creating Lifelike Figures in Polymer Clay by Katherine Dewey.  So on Saturday morning I set everything up, extricated Cody from the middle of the work table, and got started.

The first step was to make eyeballs, and while I was at it, I made several sets in different sizes.  They'll be handy for other stuff in the future; I mean, you know how often a person says to herself, "If only I had some miniature eyeballs handy right now!"  The eyeball making went fairly well, and as you can see, the results were completely acceptable.  The green eyes on the lower right were for my current doll project.

After lunch I started working on the head.  First you make a foil core, then cover it with clay, then add various clay "appliques" to it and manipulate it to the right shape.  The eyeballs go in...more refinements...etc.  You put the head on a metal rod or thick wire, add the neck and ears, and there you go!

Supposedly.  Except, Blog, you have to factor in my complete lack of talent.  And also that the detailed directions are not always entirely accurate (understandable with a process that cannot be exactly precise).  By the time Katie (who undoubtedly would have the talent to do this if she were so inclined) stopped by, I had a rather scary head.  We agreed, generously, that it needed work.

After more hours during which I several times obliterated the nose, I had something not quite so horrific.  However, it looked like a male.  More precisely, some sort of "missing link" type male.  You'll notice I did not take photos of this stage, Blog.

It was time to go out to dinner then, and later in the evening I had "fresh eyes" (not clay eyes) so pulled out the head again to re-examine.  I was able to recognize some competely wrong aspects and fix them.  I did totally new lips.  And of course obliterated the nose and half the ears a few times.  It was almost midnight when I was more or less satisfied (or defeated, depending upon your interpretation).

Eight hours into the project, I still didn't want to take pictures.  Bad sign.

Sunday morning I started work on the torso.  Again, you start with a foil core.  I took a picture of this core but just picture an unmentionable body part made of aluminum.  Etc., etc., until you have a fun torso-like shape.  I must admit I rather enjoyed putting a tush and breasts on this shape.  The human body has such nice curves and stuff.  More problems but not so many this time.

I really need to put a photo in here, Blog, before you bail on me for lack of visuals.  So here you go. 

I had a rough time adding the head to the torso because the neck was too long (the torso is too, but let's just suppose she's willowy).  But pushing it down squished the already too fat head.  Oy, why did I ever start this?

I had a mood booster though when I added the eyelashes.  The technique was my own devising.  I bought some human-hair doll eyelashes and was actually able to superglue them to the clay eyelids.  The glue also made a nice glaze for the eyeballs!  Sweet!

[By the way, the doll-person is going to be staring in wonder at something she holds up in her hand.  I have no idea what it's going to be, so comment if you have any ideas!]

So, into the oven went the piece at last.  I'd like to say that the photos you see here are the way she came out, but actually, I made more changes after baking.  You really can carve baked polymer clay and so I did, making more adjustments.  (Face less fat, back muscles less bulky, etc.)  Finally I just took pictures and called it (inaccurately) good.

So it took me about 14 hours to get what you see here.  And she still needs arms and legs...it's frightening.  I really don't know what I would have done without the set of 3D renderings my artist pal CC prepared for me according to the planned pose--those were invaluable!  And will be even more so in the arm and leg stage.

I am a sculptor much in the same way I am a sketcher:  I manage by doing things over and over until they are approximately right.  Approximately.  It takes me an eternity to achieve what real artists do, only of course not as good.  In view of this fact, Blog, doing something like a human figure is a real pain in the polyclay arse.

I'm really hoping against hope that the addition of paint and hair to the head will make a significant difference.  I tell myself, shave my head and don't let me wear makeup, and I look like Yul Brynner on a very bad day myself.  Actually, he's WAY better looking even then.  So, that's my current hope and prayer.

As for the body, which isn't great but decent, it will have the advantage of clothing.  Although honestly, she has it all over me, body-wise.

At least for now, until the arms and legs go on.  We may end up with something that looks very much like half of Dr. Octopus.

Five things I’m really glad I got to do

You know, Blog, sometimes it’s fun to look back on your life and be happy about some of the very cool things you’ve gotten to do. The other day I posted about getting to spend time talking with my idolized celebrity crush, Guy Carbonneau. But I don’t necessarily mean those kind of amazing occurrences--just things that you’re happy you experienced. Just like you, Blog, are grateful you were there the day I decided to start writing a new, more random blog. Well, I’ve come up with a few of examples from my life to share with you:

Watching the premiere of the original “Star Trek.” Yes, I was there at 7:30 on Thursday night, September 8, 1966, glued to Channel 4 and thrilled beyond belief that the show I’d been awaiting for weeks was finally starting. I was ten years old. That first episode, “The Man Trap” (the one with the salt monster) was the scariest of the entire series to me, but I loved it anyway. A couple hours later I was in bed, pretending I was a member of the Enterprise crew. Little did I suspect (especially when my heart was broken by the show’s cancellation) that it would still be a phenomenon 44 years later.

Learning to make my own clothes. As an early teen, I took sewing lessons at Sears (and still have the same ancient machine, a 1960s Kenmore). The first dress I made was purple with a red scarf with a purple pocket with a red button. Yes, a pocket on the scarf. The 60s were a very funky time. I made my junior prom dress during the freak blizzard of April 1973, and here you see me with Bob my date. Have prom dress styles changed or what? They take a lot less fabric these days. Anyway, it is no longer cost-effective to make one’s own clothes but is a most excellent skill to have if you like making costumes. Which I do.

Making a hot air balloon with my family. This photo shows my dad (squatting down) and my mom (in red) circa 1970, launching our hot air balloon. We ordered the kit from the Edmund Scientific catalog. I pitched in with gluing the immense paper pieces along their many seams. As you can see, people of all ages came from all over the neighborhood to help and watch. We sent our balloon up a total of 13 times. The 13th launch landed irretrievably in a tree, ill-fated just like Apollo 13.

Being a part of the folk movement. When I was in grade school I loved the New Christy Minstrels and the Seekers. Kind of liked the Kingston Trio, too, and in college was obsessed with Peter, Paul & Mary.  (So yes, I adored the movie “A Mighty Wind”--it was spot on.) Every summer during our week at camp, my friends and I constantly sang folk songs and if you could hear the tapes of us, you’d be amazed at how good we were. I was also fortunate enough to belong to a campus church (Calvary Lutheran Chapel at U.W. Madison) during the heyday of Christian folk music. So I was in the Allelu Singers, and I even took part in the creation and performance of a folksy musical review called “A Treeful of Owls.” Being good Lutherans, we ended the first act with a drinking song and served beer during intermission. It was a very cool cultural phenomenon to experience firsthand.

Seeing that Davie got exactly the wedding he wanted. My (second) husband Davie, whom I met in 1992 and married in 1994, did not have a very successful romance life before he met me. In fact, he was wondering if he’d ever find Ms. Right. In spite of his doubts, he still had a wish list for his wedding. Along with a willing bride, he wanted (1) the song “Walk Forever by My Side” by the Alarm in the wedding service; (2) pizza at the reception; and (3) music by Milwaukee entertainment icon Pat McCurdy. Turned out (1) I loved “Walk Forever by My Side” when he played it for me, and a friend of mine sang it in the ceremony; (2) we had our reception at an Italian place called Salvatore’s II and served pizza, mozzarella sticks, wings, and other treats; (3) Pat McCurdy and his band played three sets and I even got to duet with Pat. Here’s one of the songs he did that night, which was a theme song of mine...

Today is Davie’s 49th birthday and I’m still his disaster girl! Happy birthday, awesome Davie!