The Artist's Quandary (or at least mine)

The most popular website I've created

So here’s my quandary, Blog:

On the one hand, I have this passionate desire to create things that are so uniquely, brilliantly original and captivating that they manage to please “most of the people most of the time.” In other words, I want to be the creator of something popular enough that it will naturally also result in some amount of fame.  Isn’t that any artist’s ultimate goal?

However, I’ve experienced--just a little--what fame is like; and that’s the other hand. The public always possesses a sense of ownership towards the famous.  They feel entitled to know whatever they want to know about you. They believe their affection for you ought to be reciprocated, at least a little. Although some of them respect your time and privacy, the majority aspire, however well-meaningly, to rob you of both.

MY favorite website I've created

Meanwhile usually there are others whose success depends upon your fame, and these people will drive you mercilessly…as undoubtedly you would drive yourself even without their demands. Becoming and staying famous is very hard work—hard work that can be utterly inescapable.  Unless, of course, fame abruptly abandons you.

My most famous crafted creation

Yes, don’t forget that any passion your devotees feel is subject to being doused in the next week or day or hour, either by familiarity or some new distraction. Meanwhile, of course, they have lives of their own, and for all their temporary interest in yours, theirs naturally take precedence. The adage “fame is fleeting” the truest of old saws. And as much as I’ve been annoyed by the demands of my flirtations with slight fame, being forgotten or ignored is just as unpleasant.

The creative will create, and if they have talent, will doubtless create some beauty. It is impossible for artists to desire that their work not be too beautiful, lest it attract too much attention. We can’t help but want our art to be admired, and be driven by that yearning. So either an artist will be annoyed by the costs of fame, or disheartened by the lack of it. I want my work to be loved, but I don’t want to suffer anything by consequence. Isn’t that just like a human being to only want the upside?

MY favorite crafted creation

There is another problem—yes, yet another! Sadly for the creator, there is no fairness or justice as to the popularity of art. We’ve all heard the countless stories of unrecognized genius that clearly demonstrate it’s folly for an artist to base his self-worth upon public recognition. The most exquisite work may not attract the slightest attention, the smallest validation, particularly if circumstances do not put it the public eye. “Putting it in the public eye” is, of course, marketing--the most precocious, frustrating business there is.

Marketing is a mysterious science even the greatest expert cannot decisively understand or apply. I’m one of those people who rather like marketing, but even I agonize over it. Who are the people who would enjoy my creation? Where are they? How can I reach them using my limited powers and resources? How can I shout louder than my competitors? Should I shout louder--or is morally wrong for me to try? How much shouting can I do before I exhaust myself and come to loathe my own creation?

Who wants to make life into the equivalent of a high school popularity contest? Didn’t I start this just wanting to create something wonderful?

My most popular book

So, to sum up: I want to be loved but not too famous, I’d rather be famous than unnoticed, and either way I want not to lose control of my time, effort, and creative license. Oh, of course I know it’s ridiculous to hope for all this--there’s no such thing as a free lunch, especially at my level of talent. But my problem is, I don’t even know what’s most important to me, or most likely to make me happy. I’m almost 56 years old, and I don’t even know what my dreams and aspirations should be!

I’m sure a guru with a far higher consciousness than mine would give me this advice: Simply create what you wish, and enjoy it yourself! I know I could try this...but there’s something inherently unnatural about that, isn’t there? Would it have been good for Michelangelo to paint the ceiling of his private home rather than the Sistine Chapel? Or for that talented star of the local theater production you enjoyed to not try out for the part? Or for your Aunt Sue to only bake her fantastic apple pie for herself? Of course not--even the humblest works of human minds and hands, such as mine, are worthy of sharing with others. Human society wants and needs such things to be shared.

MY fave book (of course)

I suppose there is another approach, although it’s not the easiest to pull off: create and share, by the simple means at hand, but don’t judge yourself based upon the praise you garner. If there is praise, enjoy it, but if there is not, you can still delight in what you’ve created, and be glad that you have the good fortune to be able to do so.

Maybe that last bit is the most important thing of all. If you are born with a skill, have had the opportunity to cultivate it, to train and practice, then be grateful. There are others around you who would trade a great deal to have your ability. Try not to focus on what you wish you could do, those lofty goals you are highly unlikely to achieve, and think instead how fortunate you are to be gifted with your talents.

It is a cliché that artists are tormented—a cliché based in large part on the truth. But if I want to be a happy artist rather than a tortured one, perhaps there really is a way to make that a reality. As in so much of life, it may depend far less on action, and far more on attitude.

Aggie illustration swag revealed

Per my promise, Blog, here's the cool stuff I got incorporating Anna Rettberg's beautiful illustration of Aggie and her heroes.

I ordered this 30 x 10 print from Bay Photo, mounted on gatorboard with offset (so it "floats" on the wall) and laminated. It looks so amazing here.

And I also ordered a mug from Cafe Press. The illustration's layout is perfect for this. I'm drinking out of it even as I type this!

Aggie fans, if you want to order your own print from Anna's online store, here is the link!

The Magic House art collection

Blog, here are two of the great things about my life:

(1) I get to meet and know a lot of creative, artistic people, and
(2) My husband loves to shop.

The cumulative effect of these two factors is that my home, aka Magic House, has acquired quite a collection of art pieces I really love. Oh, I'll add modestly that I make a lot of stuff of my own, and sometimes it turns out good enough to display proudly as well.

Yesterday I completed a project I'd wanted to do for awhile: inventorying our art collection. We have over 100 pieces of wall art and displayable objects, so many that we sometimes have to rotate them in and out, like a real gallery. It was fun for me to really appreciate and savor each piece by recording it, the artist, the place we got it, and its current location. (And yes, I am a little bit anal-retentive, why do you ask?)

I photographed a sample of things...some that are my favorites, and some that just seem representative of the sorts of things we collect.  And here they are:

Frank Lloyd Wright Bradley Skylight glass panel, and ceramic bowl with "rock heads" by a local artist whose name, alas, I have lost.

One of our prize possessions, the "Time Travel Orb," which is a fused glass ball with a floating boulder opal by James Yaun. The faux metal cat scupture was made by me. Also love this side table, with a concrete top with embedded rocks, one of a kind, by a Wisconsin company.

Also prized: original Route 66 Polaroid photo by our daughter Katie's boyfriend Chris Robleski (yes, we are fortunately to have a slew of his stuff on display), and painting of Santa Monica Pier bought for us at Dan Rice's Rt. 66 to Cali stand.

A total surprise gift from husband Davie, these are actual "etched" leaves in a shadowbox. Artist: Bookey Morey.

Print of a watercolor/ink landscape of Galena, Illinois by one of our favorite artists, Carl Johnson. We have five of his prints hanging in our house--this one is in the powder room.

Pizza house by Heather Goldmine, and Rinconada cat from Uraguay, on the living room window seat.

Centipede etching, #3 of 3, by daughter Katie Nelson, in the bedroom.

Milwaukee River Renaissance by Lynn Casper, in the bedroom.

A few years ago, Katie and I made custom ceramic cats for each family member for Valentine's Day. Each of us also got a photo of all four cats. Quill (for a writer) is mine, and Scrubs is Davie's (for his cleaning business).

I made this dish garden, which is currently on the wine rack under the installation of 12 of Katie's "textures" photographs.

Love this tile frame with a photo I took of Lake Michigan. Small root wood bowl with rocks. And the inimitable "Magic Bowl" which a local artist painstakingly made and now serves as our cats' water dish because they refuse to drink out of anything else.

If you receive/obtain/create beautiful things, it's very important to appreciate them, Blog. I make a point of walking around our home periodically, just looking at what we have. Beauty is one of the things that simply makes life worth living, wouldn't you say?

Aggie portraits revealed!

So, Blog, last time you remember I shared about my long term yearning to acquire illustrated versions of the characters from my novel Aggie's Nine Heroes.

And you also know that I semi-miraculously stumbled upon the perfect artist for this task, one Anna Rettberg.

Well, Anna outdid herself, and without further ado, here's the crew:

Can I get a crazed SQUEE? C'mon Blog, let it out--you need to with all this awesomeness!

Close inspection will reveal to you that there are little flecks on the image. That's because, although the final rendering is digital, Anna began by drawing each figure with pencil. I love that she left in the flecks for authenticity! She scanned the drawings and then worked in Photoshop to outline, color and shade them.

Okay, now let's let the readers take a closer look at each of the characters in this little slide show below. Who's the hottest guy? (*cough* Jason *cough*) And who could possibly be more adorable than Aggie, huh? Don't you just dig Brandon's fabulous smile? And Glenda's terrific hair? Lucas's elfin good looks, Nita's curves, and the complete charm of Bernie?

Are they not, as I sometimes say, on beyond zebra? I can't get enough of looking at them. Okay, let's just take one more view, the way I'm going to do the 30" x 10" print that is going on the wall at Magic House:

Wow. Just wow.

Will I be sharing a photo of the art on the wall once I have it? Oh c'mon, Blog--what do you think?

All my thanks to Anna, and yes as I say this I am bowing down "I'm not worthy" style. She's the best.

UPDATE 4/19: Anna is now offering prints of the illustration in her online shop! If you'd like to order one, go here.

I wanna see my characters SO BAD!

Aggie, by me

So, Blog, here's the deal: When you're a fiction author, and privileged with the power to create characters, sometimes you become pretty fond of them. Now imagine knowing and liking a bunch of friends that you will never see with your own eyes, not even in photos. I'm sure lots of writers deal with this okay, but me? Well, it makes me bonkers, and not in the good way.

Case in point is the title character in my latest novel, Aggie's Nine Heroes. She's a bright, earnest, philanthropic young girl, as determined as she is cute. I wish I could see her. Not just Aggie, but her team of nine friends and family, everyone of them unique and special.

Complicating this is the fact that all my life I've wanted to be a cartoonist/ illustrator. Cartoon depictions of the A9H gang would be perfect, Blog, because Aggie, her grandpa Bernie, and her best guy friend Brandon are all comic book fans. I could almost see how they should all look...just enough to make me nuts, and far short of being able to capture on paper.

W-I-P cover, by me

Which did not stop me from trying. I did the above cartoon of Aggie, festooned in her beloved hot pink hula hoop. Not bad for someone who sucks at illustration--but of course nothing like I wish I could do.

Early on in writing the book, I developed a work-in-progress cover which I cobbled together in Photoshop in a most complicated fashion. It did give me a sort of feel for Aggie, her teen-in-the-90s casualness, her air of independence and self-reliance. Another feeble stab...

Aggie, by Katie

For a long time now, my cover designs have been done by my daughter, Katie Nelson, who clearly got her illustration genes from her father and is a professional graphic artist. Katie flattered me by basing her cover on my W-I-P one, and she did a fine job turning Aggie into a silhouette/cartoon hybrid.

Her execution of the silhouettes of the team of nine was also boffo. I don't know how she does this stuff.

The Nine Heroes, by Katie

So, that made for an awesome book cover, but I couldn't get over my crazy craving to somehow see my ten fictional buddies turned into cartoons. Thus it festered inside me for months, until one fateful day....

Via Facebook, I was introduced to an illustration of a bunch of TV characters hanging out together at a cocktail party. I took one look at the depictions of personal faves like Sheldon, Mr. Spock, Walter from Breaking Bad, House, and the rest...and I went completely bonkers, in the good way. When I checked out the blog of the artist, one Anna Rettberg, I went bonkers in the good way all over again.

This was my illustrator.

Aggie, by Anna

Seeing as Anna's TV illustration was in the process of going viral, I wasted no time emailing her at once. In spite of being on the verge of college graduation and suddenly in the limelight, she was happy to agree to a commission! It was really happening! My SQUEE must have thundered across the entire Midwest, Blog. I sent her Katie's art and my notes on the ten characters, and prepared to wait for the line art for my review.

It was only a few days later when the astonishingly speedy Anna emailed me a 4 MB file, which, when opened by my trembling hand on the mouse, revealed the line art of Aggie and her crew. My cat Cody was sitting in front of the monitor, and who knows what he thought when his mistress began to sob and laugh simultaneously.

They were perfect!

How can I possibly explain the experience of seeing on the screen these ten characters who before lived only shadily in my mind's eye...and yet now were so perfectly, spot-on recognizable? This was, without doubt, a Top Ten Moment in my life, Blog. Bonkers in the BEST way!

For now I will share here just the image of Aggie Borkowski, with her hula hoop. Sometime in the next couple of weeks I'll be clicking on another file in another email from Anna, and seeing the ten in full color.

Plan now on me not getting anything else done on that day, Blog. And plan now on seeing it yourselves, readers, as soon as it comes into my possession!

The 40s rocked!

Well, not literally, as rock 'n' roll wasn't quite a thing yet, but during March I became completely enamored of 40s music.

Speaking of March, we missed it, Blog! Mea culpa, 39 readers, for neglecting keeping you abreast. We were definitely thinking of you!  While listening a lot to Sirius XM 40s on 4.  I've always been a Big Band fan, but I discovered a source of all kinds of great music from the 40s, and now I'm obsessed.

So, mostly for my own pleasure but hopefully also for some of yours, I compiled my list of Top 25 Songs from the Big Band/Swing Era, in no particular order.  And I picked five of them that would be the ones I'd take to the desert island, interspersed here for you to take a listen if you wish.



Moonlight Serenade - Glenn Miller
String of Pearls - Glenn Miller
In the Mood - Glenn Miller
Pennsylvania 6-5000 - Glenn Miller
Stompin' at the Savoy - Benny Goodman



Jersey Bounce - Benny Goodman
Down South Camp Meeting - Benny Goodman
Sing Sing Sing - Benny Goodman
Moonglow - Benny Goodman
Opus One - Tommy Dorsey



On the Sunny Side of the Street - Tommy Dorsey
Tangerine - Jimmy Dorsey
Stardust - Artie Shaw
Begin the Beguine - Artie Shaw
Take the A Train - Duke Ellington



Satin Doll - Duke Ellington
Deep Purple - Kay Kyser
Ain't Misbehavin' - Fats Waller
Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy - Andrews Sisters
Laura - Woody Herman



Tuxedo Junction - Erskine Hawkins
720 in the Books - Jan Cavitt
Brazil - Xavier Cugat
Skyliner - Charlie Burnet
You Made Me Love You - Harry James

They sure don't write 'em like they used to, Blog.

Faux metals with Swellegant are swell!

Hy-dee-ho, Blog, I'm here to share a festival of stuff I made this past weekend using the most boffo new product line from polymer clay artist Christi Friesen. The line is called "Swellegant," and consists of a bunch of faux metal paints, patina-izing concoctions, and dye inks. The best way to demonstrate what this stuff can do is to simply show you what I made! Let's proceed, Blog...

To begin, you just have to make and bake something out of polymer clay. For example, this cat sculpture. I'm not a very good sculptor so it took me a long time, but in the end I created this out of brown Fimo clay (sorry it's blurry--the cat apparently cast a spell on my camera).

Once the piece cools, you paint it with one or more of the metal paints. I used a combination of iron for the head and upper body, and copper for the rest, sort of blended together in the middle.

I used one of the patina treatments (tiffany green/rust) then to make the iron portions look old and rusty, and the copper portions to turn green in random spots. Then on the iron part I also used coffee, black and white dye and a little bronze paint. The result? This:

Can you believe this piece is made of polymer clay, Blog? I barely can, and I made it!

I also made a fish pin, this time from silver clay. This will let you see the difference between silver clay and the silver Swellegant treatment. Before:

As you see, I embedded a stone in the clay. So, I applied silver Swellegant, followed by darkening patina and green dye. Result:

I also made a small wall clock for our powder room. I covered a piece of sheet metal with brown clay and textured it. You see it here with the rocks and the wristwatch face I planned to affix to the piece:

I painted the base copper, then glued on the rocks. The clock is wired in so you can take it off to replace the battery. Yes, I'm that clever, Blog. Finally, I used the tiffany green/rust patina, and white, black, and kelly green dye. The after pic:

I kinda love it. I knew it wasn't folly to collect rocks all my life.

Lastly, another use for my rock collection. I used five polished stones mounted in a sort of organic pod design in brown clay, molding the chain right in:

This piece was painted with brass Swellegant and then treated with the gold-green-verdigris patina. The brass really matches well with the chain.

The fifth metal paint is bronze, and I'm already super stoked to try it too, Blog. Kudos and thanks to the brilliant Christi Friesen for developing this product line! My only regret about polymer clay to date is that there was no really convincing way to use it for a metal look. Now it's pretty much the bee's knees in every possible way!