Blog gets a theme song

Hey Blog, do you remember in the first season (1997, how can it be so long ago?) of “Ally McBeal,” when Tracey Ullman guest starred as Ally’s therapist? Dr. Tracey instructed Ally to get herself a theme song, a song she could sing in her head to make her feel better.

Well, I loved that episode, because I’ve always felt it was very important to have a theme song. This stems from my youth, when I always fantasized about having my own variety show, “The Diane Bauer Show.” Yeah, I know, doesn’t exactly trip off the tongue like the other shows of those days, “Ed Sullivan,” “Dick Van Dyke,” “The Smothers Brothers,” etc. Oh well. Point is, all the celebrities in the 60’s had variety shows, right?

And everyone knows you always close your variety show with your theme song. Like Dean Martin always sang, “Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime,” and Liberace had “I’ll Be Seeing You,” and Carol Burnett’s “I’m So Glad We Had this Time Together.” Well, I closed my variety show with the 1967 hit by the Association, “Windy.” Please press play on the provided You Tube video so you can listen to my childhood theme song while you read on, Blog.

Why “Windy,” you ask? Because it was upbeat and zippy and told about this awesome girl that was magical and wonderful to everyone. In the imaginary world of my eleven-year-old self, I projected that I would grow up to be such a woman. (Of course, I also planned on becoming Miss America, even though I recognized it would require quite a physical transformation over the next decade. Ah, the audacious self-confidence of youth.)

[Sidebar that isn't literally on the sidebar: It occurs to me that YOU are sort of The Diane Bauer Show, Blog.  Yikes, that scares even me, because this insanity is no way to make a hit show.]

I kind of forgot about the whole Theme Song Concept until my early 30s, when various life events of the negative kind caused me to really need a theme song again. Without need for much reflection at all, I chose “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic” by the Police. At least in title, it said what I wished, ideally, people would feel about me; it was a fitting successor to “Windy” in that way. When I have a particularly successful day (or wish I could), it’s a fine choice to sing.

Everyone needs a theme song, Blog, and I hope our readers recognize that this could be the very key to improved quality of life. A theme song is as day-brightening as a mojito, but is allowed in your workplace.

Yes, Blog, even you need a theme song! If we had more readers, I would say, “hey readers, post what you think Blog should have as a theme song!” But I fear you might have to go a little while without a theme song if we took that route. So you and I should probably work it out for ourselves. And I think maybe we should pick something other than “The Mash-Up Party Song,” awesome though it is.

Obviously we need something upbeat and zippy. It can’t literally be about blogging, because, well, is there even a song about blogging, Blog? It shouldn’t be a Broadway song because, judging from the response we got to the Broadway post, that wouldn’t get people super excited. It needs to be a song with practically universal appeal, something everyone and his uncle has covered, like “Don’t Stop Believin’.” But likewise a song that no one is sick of, like they are of “Don’t Stop Believin’.”

Obviously that leaves us with only one clear choice: The B52’s 1978 smash hit, that cultural phenomenon known as “Rock Lobster.”

It’s perfect for you, Blog! You love it, don’t you?

Hey readers, if you love “Rock Lobster,” click the “yay!” box. And please share with us YOUR theme songs! What, you don’t have a theme song yet? If you’d like me and Blog to help you pick a theme song, just let us know in the comments and we’ll get right back to you.

And remember, The Mash-Up Party Song is totally up for grabs.