My seven most important life lessons

Blog, seven of the last eight winters I've had to deal with some challenges. Work crises, ill health, death of a loved one, and so on. Oh joy, 2013 is proving to be another one. It's times like these that put me in mind of the most important things I've learned from my 56 years of an oft-times challenging life. Pull up whatever it is that a blog is most comfortable sitting on, and I'll give it to ya straight.

1.  To thine own self be true. I won't pretend I thought of this one, but it's so very important. If you don't face up to your own faults, look them in the eye, and deal with them, they will destroy you eventually. There's such hopelessness in people who delude themselves about their own character. That primary lie leads to a life built on falsities, an existence riddled with wrong conclusions and bad choices. And not only should a person be honest with himself, he should be wary of people who are not. There's a world of problems there you just don't want to have to deal with.

2.  Be interested in as much as you possibly can. People, subjects, activities...try to be curious and explore and inquire. No need to force yourself out of your comfort zone; I'm very risk-averse but can find loads of things to be interested in outside of extreme sports and adventure travel. (Well, I like hearing about extreme sports and adventure travel!) And I'm very much an introvert, but I discipline myself to keep up human connections. Keeping yourself connected to others and the world around you serves to keep you from shutting yourself in your own little world, where you could end up very lonely and longing for purpose.

3.  Humanity is made up of Users and Usees...get to know the players. Usees are goodhearted, generous people who live by the Golden Rule, thinking of others' needs and not necessarily their own. Users are people who are, for whatever reason, mostly focused on their own happiness. And it seems like when in the presence of Usees, they can't help but take advantage. So it's important for nice people to develop the ability to not always take the Nice Road. Once you've pegged someone as a User, you have to watch out for your own interests--they are just as important as anyone else's.

4. Karma is real--trust it, and don't get in its way. I don't necessarily believe in karma as a supernatural force--it's just that every action has consequences, and chickens always come home to roost eventually. If you do good things and make the world a better place, some of that will come back to you for sure, so take heart. Meanwhile, with #3 above in mind, remember it's important not to interfere with karma's work to reward the good behavior and chasten the bad. Protecting people from the bad consequences of their misdeeds is not your responsibility. It's the opposite: the world only gets better if people learn not to make bad choices and do mean things.

5. Make smart decisions, with an eye to the "long view." Pay attention and take the good path at each fork in the road, asking yourself what the long term consequences will be. This really will make a difference in your life. One wrong choice that seems insignificant in the moment can drastically alter the rest of your life--just ask a pregnant teen, a drunk driver who hit someone, or a drug addict. I know it's common sense that smart choices lead to success...and yet we live in a world of people with maxed-out credit cards, don't we? Too many people can't think past today. Learn to do so, and your 20-years-older self will be a much, much happier person. You'll feel pretty good right now, too.

6. Put the kibosh on these behaviors: bitterness, self-loathing, envy, passive-aggressiveness. Some "negative" emotions can be constructive, I think. Grief is necessary and natural. Anger can be therapeutic and can be channeled into positive action. But bitterness only poisons the person harboring it. Self-loathing only cripples one's ability to improve. Envy is usually misplaced--the person you envy is probably as unhappy as you are, so you're wasting your energy. And passive-aggressiveness is a self-deluding game (see #1 above) that accomplishes nothing good.

7. Never commit suicide while you're depressed. This is an old joke of my dad's--one that has a point. Recognize when you are simply bummed out, and don't try to make decisions when in that state. Instead, focus on doing whatever you need to do to feel better. Action can wait until your head's on straight.

Blog, I've done a decent job with most of these principles during my life, but I tell you, I can trace at least 75% of my unhappiness to the consequences of my neglecting them. 'Bout time I passed them on, I guess! Carry on, Blog, and good luck.

Twelve top tips from an efficiency expert

Okay, Blog--I'm not licensed or anything, but I did realize the other day that I seem to have a natural-born ability to be efficient. For one thing, if I had a nickel for every time someone asked me, "How do you get so much done?" I'd be up to my nose in nickels. For another, I often notice people around me doing things that seem all kinds of inefficient, but they don't seem to notice.

Now, I tend to think this efficiency of mine is just another symptom of my anality (not a word but should be). But on the other hand, who these days wouldn't like more free time?

So for that reason I decided to share twelve of my top tips for how to save yourself some time (for more rounds of the Ten Minutes o' Fun Game, perhaps). Hopefully one or two of them will be helpful to our readers!

1. Keep your email inbox empty.

Your email inbox can serve as a to-do list without any extra effort on your part. Try by the end of each day to clean it out except for items you still need to address. Delete the stuff you don't need to keep right away--that's easy and saves you the time of looking at it a second time.

File items you may need later into designated folders: examples are notifications of bills to be paid (calendar those, too!), and coupons you might use later (it'll be easy later to delete the ones that are old). When you have responded to an email, delete the original. If you keep the text of the original in your reply, then the version in your Sent box is all you need to keep.

The goal of the clean inbox will motivate you not to procrastinate, help keep you organized, and keep you from forgetting things you need to do.

2. Have a pending folder.

Could work at home, and essential for office jobs. If you send out an email that requires a response from the recipient, just pop over to your Sent box and move the message to your Pending box.

Keep it there till you have an answer, then delete or otherwise file. If the recipient dawdles in responding, you won't lose track--and can send a reminder quickly by just forwarding the original message. You can monitor ongoing issues easily by reviewing your Pending box each morning.

3. Back up everything!

This is a case of investing time to save time. Backing up everything shouldn't take more than ten minutes once a week, once you have a system in place. You need to tailor this plan to your own electronics, but here's how I do mine, every weekend:

• Computer files--Search for changed documents from the past week, copy to backup files on detachable hard drive.
• Email--Copy outlook.pst file to detachable hard drive.
• Electronic journal (on flash drive)--Use software backup program to back up to PC.
• Phone--Use backup software to back up to PC; sync calendar, contacts, and photos.
• Camera--Off load photos to PC, delete from camera (yes, really!), back up to Walgreens.com.
• MP3 player--Keep copies of all music on Amazon Cloud.
• Nook--Keep copies of books on PC and/or Barnesandnoble.com.

And when you're working on something really important, frequent saves and more-frequent-than-weekly backups are the order of the day. NO EXCUSES, START DOING #3 FROM NOW ON!

4. Learn and use keyboard shortcuts.

If you type a lot, you'll be amazed the time you save by using these instead of dropdown menu steps.

• Ctrl + s = save
• Ctrl + c = copy
• Ctrl + v = paste
• Ctrl + x = delete
• Ctrl + z = undo
• Ctrl + y = redo
• Ctrl + b = bold
• Ctrl + i = italics
• Ctrl + u = underline

If there is any sort of word processing step that you do a lot, check (by googling) if there's a shortcut. Also be mindful to copy and paste multiple text rather than retyping it each time ("Ctrl +" for example, LOL).

5. Throw (or give) things away.

Clutter not only looks messy and takes up space, it slows you down. If you have 24 pairs of shoes, and only wear 12 pairs of them, the other 12 pairs just get in the way of your finding the shoes you want to wear. Same principle applies to books, paperwork, DVR'd shows you'll never watch, stuff in your pantry and fridge you'll never eat, etc. 

If you haven't worn, used, touched, or looked at something in an appropriate amount of time (e.g., one year for clothes, six months for non-perishable food, etc.), then give it away or toss it. If you occasionally pick an area of your house to "purge"--the kitchen junk drawer, your jewelry box--the task needn't be time consuming or dreadful.

6. Stay organized.

The sister principle to #5. I know it's easier to just throw something in a drawer than to take the trouble to put it in the right drawer. And it's also easier to have the drawer just a big open drawer o' stuff than put an organizer in it with a spot for everything. But doing things in an organized way actually saves time when it comes to finding what you need. 

I hated the tangle of charger cords in my electronics drawer--having each neatly bound up and in it's own cubby saved me time and hassles.

I hate filing, and I used to just throw my filing at home in a big pile and then once a year or so face the huge chore of putting it all in the right places. But during the course of the year, I was constantly having to go through that whole huge pile when I needed to find something--huge waste of time. Gotta keep on that stuff.

7. Go digital.

Of course, my filing problem has been greatly alleviated these days because I have almost nothing on paper. Examples: I pay bills online, so those websites keep records for me; bank statements are online, correspondence is electronic; I have Google Maps and GPS on my phone so no need for maps and directions on paper, etc. 

Not only does this eliminate paperwork, it makes things way easier to find, because everything is searchable. Where did I put those theater tickets to "The Book of Mormon" next January? Well, when I downloaded them, I named the file with "tix" in it, so I can do a search in My Documents and find them in a sec. So even misfiling isn't a problem! (And you bet I have a backup copy!!!) Which reminds me, you should learn how to use the search function both for files and in your email--you'll eliminate a lot of frustration.

8. Multitask.

Be mindful of times when you can do more than one thing at once. Even if the task is small, the cumulative effect can save you tons of time. This example may be ridiculous, Blog, but here it is: In the morning when I'm getting ready, I simultaneously do my leg stretches, brush my teeth, and pull out the beauty care stuff I need to use that morning. This saves me maybe 1.25 minutes a day, but that adds up to almost eight hours a year! 

More crazy but effective examples: cleaning old mail and photos off my phone while going to the bathroom (TMI, Blog?); letting the cat, who requires supervised feeding, eat while I pack my lunch; and catching up with my Dad on the phone while doing some mindless type of task at work. A no-brainer: save up "sitting chores" like mending and menu planning for TV watching that doesn't need your full attention (like sporting events and SyFy channel movies).

9. Plan weekly menus.

Speaking of, unless you enjoy grocery shopping as recreation, menu planning is something you should do. We only buy food once or twice a week, so no struggling with "what to have tonight" and repeat trips to the store. I put the menu on the top of the grocery list I make each weekend, and then we tack it to the fridge so we know what to thaw out for the next day and so on.

10. Remember electronic calendars are your friends.

If you have a smart phone, sync it to your PC calendar. And use your calendars, both at work and at home! They have handy, built in to-do lists and note areas where you can keep information at your fingertips. If you have something to do and a sieve-like brain like mine, put a reminder on your calendar (phone and otherwise). 

This works for everything from dates to pay bills, to reminders of stuff you need to bring to work, to birthdays. If you make a date with someone, note it right away while you're thinking of it. Then (and believe it or not, I know a lot of people who fail at this), check your calendar each day and each week!

11. Consider using a password program.

Some people use the same password for everything--which is an invitation for disaster involving hackers and identity theft. Some people write all their passwords down--which is fine if you have those notes handy all the time, but who wants to risk having something like that that could be lost or fall into the wrong hands? 

I use a system called Roboform, which not only stores my passwords, it lets me access them via web anywhere, and also lets me fill in forms online with a single click. Roboform itself is password protected both locally and online, obviously (and that's a complex password I change often and only keep in my head!). I can't even begin to guess, between entering passwords and filling out forms, how much time this saves me in a year. Lots.

12. Think like an efficiency expert.

Only you can really improve the time you waste by being inefficient in key areas of your life. Spend some time thinking about the things you do that take up a lot of time, and figure out how you might reduce that time. Here are some examples to spark your brainstorming:

• Make homemade chili often? Cook up a huge batch at once, divide up and freeze.
• Tired of waiting at the coffee shop each day for your morning latte? Think about making your own coffee. Even if it's only for you, the combination of a good thermos and your microwave could mean only making coffee two or three times a week.
• Still prefer getting the lattes at the coffee shop? Figure out something you can do while in line each morning, like tasks on your smartphone (Facebook catch up, reading the headlines, emails), reading a magazine or newspaper, checking your to-do list or making the grocery list.
• Hate spending time paying bills? Set up automated payments with your bank or the utility in question. (Just make sure to subtract them all from your checking account each month.)
• Struggling with medical recordkeeping--FSA, HRA, health insurance issues? Create a spreadsheet to track the status of claims, funding levels, etc.

And if you're not the type of person who is inspired by the joys of efficiency and organization, look at it this way, Blog: just like saving money for something you want to buy, you can save time for something you want to do. Think in terms of that long bubble bath, that extra hour to play a game or read a book, or just a chance to sleep in later. Sounds like a great plan to me, and I'm the expert!  :-)

The Artist's Quandary (or at least mine)

The most popular website I've created

So here’s my quandary, Blog:

On the one hand, I have this passionate desire to create things that are so uniquely, brilliantly original and captivating that they manage to please “most of the people most of the time.” In other words, I want to be the creator of something popular enough that it will naturally also result in some amount of fame.  Isn’t that any artist’s ultimate goal?

However, I’ve experienced--just a little--what fame is like; and that’s the other hand. The public always possesses a sense of ownership towards the famous.  They feel entitled to know whatever they want to know about you. They believe their affection for you ought to be reciprocated, at least a little. Although some of them respect your time and privacy, the majority aspire, however well-meaningly, to rob you of both.

MY favorite website I've created

Meanwhile usually there are others whose success depends upon your fame, and these people will drive you mercilessly…as undoubtedly you would drive yourself even without their demands. Becoming and staying famous is very hard work—hard work that can be utterly inescapable.  Unless, of course, fame abruptly abandons you.

My most famous crafted creation

Yes, don’t forget that any passion your devotees feel is subject to being doused in the next week or day or hour, either by familiarity or some new distraction. Meanwhile, of course, they have lives of their own, and for all their temporary interest in yours, theirs naturally take precedence. The adage “fame is fleeting” the truest of old saws. And as much as I’ve been annoyed by the demands of my flirtations with slight fame, being forgotten or ignored is just as unpleasant.

The creative will create, and if they have talent, will doubtless create some beauty. It is impossible for artists to desire that their work not be too beautiful, lest it attract too much attention. We can’t help but want our art to be admired, and be driven by that yearning. So either an artist will be annoyed by the costs of fame, or disheartened by the lack of it. I want my work to be loved, but I don’t want to suffer anything by consequence. Isn’t that just like a human being to only want the upside?

MY favorite crafted creation

There is another problem—yes, yet another! Sadly for the creator, there is no fairness or justice as to the popularity of art. We’ve all heard the countless stories of unrecognized genius that clearly demonstrate it’s folly for an artist to base his self-worth upon public recognition. The most exquisite work may not attract the slightest attention, the smallest validation, particularly if circumstances do not put it the public eye. “Putting it in the public eye” is, of course, marketing--the most precocious, frustrating business there is.

Marketing is a mysterious science even the greatest expert cannot decisively understand or apply. I’m one of those people who rather like marketing, but even I agonize over it. Who are the people who would enjoy my creation? Where are they? How can I reach them using my limited powers and resources? How can I shout louder than my competitors? Should I shout louder--or is morally wrong for me to try? How much shouting can I do before I exhaust myself and come to loathe my own creation?

Who wants to make life into the equivalent of a high school popularity contest? Didn’t I start this just wanting to create something wonderful?

My most popular book

So, to sum up: I want to be loved but not too famous, I’d rather be famous than unnoticed, and either way I want not to lose control of my time, effort, and creative license. Oh, of course I know it’s ridiculous to hope for all this--there’s no such thing as a free lunch, especially at my level of talent. But my problem is, I don’t even know what’s most important to me, or most likely to make me happy. I’m almost 56 years old, and I don’t even know what my dreams and aspirations should be!

I’m sure a guru with a far higher consciousness than mine would give me this advice: Simply create what you wish, and enjoy it yourself! I know I could try this...but there’s something inherently unnatural about that, isn’t there? Would it have been good for Michelangelo to paint the ceiling of his private home rather than the Sistine Chapel? Or for that talented star of the local theater production you enjoyed to not try out for the part? Or for your Aunt Sue to only bake her fantastic apple pie for herself? Of course not--even the humblest works of human minds and hands, such as mine, are worthy of sharing with others. Human society wants and needs such things to be shared.

MY fave book (of course)

I suppose there is another approach, although it’s not the easiest to pull off: create and share, by the simple means at hand, but don’t judge yourself based upon the praise you garner. If there is praise, enjoy it, but if there is not, you can still delight in what you’ve created, and be glad that you have the good fortune to be able to do so.

Maybe that last bit is the most important thing of all. If you are born with a skill, have had the opportunity to cultivate it, to train and practice, then be grateful. There are others around you who would trade a great deal to have your ability. Try not to focus on what you wish you could do, those lofty goals you are highly unlikely to achieve, and think instead how fortunate you are to be gifted with your talents.

It is a cliché that artists are tormented—a cliché based in large part on the truth. But if I want to be a happy artist rather than a tortured one, perhaps there really is a way to make that a reality. As in so much of life, it may depend far less on action, and far more on attitude.

Un-Occupied

Hey Blog, while I've been away the U.S. has entered into full-scale class warfare...well, ideologically anyway--so far no gunfire. I speak of course of the Occupy Wall Street movement, not to be confused with the Porcupy Wall Street movement, which involves porcupines.

I totally understand the OWSers fury at government bailouts, giant bonuses for CEOs, and legislative decision-making based on corporate political donations. That stuff makes me as sick as the next person. There is a lot of graft and corruption in government fueled by corporate interests (among other fuels)--I get it. Some small percentage of Americans (1% or whatever) calls the shots for the rest of us in many ways, and that's not fair. I left my last job largely because I was tired of working for rich white guys with briefcases full of venture capital and memberships in private clubs catering to rich white guys.

But I'm afraid I'm not digging a lot of this Occupy stuff. It's all WAY too black-and-white for me, and that is never good. The they/us dichotomy worries me. Just when does political fervor cross the line into a new kind of bigotry?

Blog, here's a few of the things about OWS that bother me:

1.  The idea that all millionaires/CEOs/rich capitalists are evil. I happen to know several of these and they are actually nice people. For example, some family members and the guy who pays my salary. Now perhaps there's a higher percentage of bad rich people, based on the adage "power corrupts," but countering that is the fact that rich people aren't driven to desperate acts by poverty, like a large percentage of criminals are. Long story short, there is good and bad in everyone.  Except Mother Theresa and Hitler, I guess.

2. The belief that corporate America should be hated. I say, feel free to hate the bad things corporate America does from time to time. But remember some of those same things are the reason you can afford that fancy smartphone, and don't point fingers till you're willing to give it up. You can't have it both ways, and good luck refusing to own anything produced by corporate America. I adore the idea of shopping locally and supporting small business, but you can bet some of the tools and services those cozy companies use are provided by big corporate entities. We're all too interconnected to declare full scale war on each other.

3. The sense of entitlement. This is my biggest beef. Nowadays too many people have the habit of declaring anything they want is "a basic human right." I kind of prefer limiting it to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness"...and the pursuit sometimes involves work and smart choices, contrary to popular belief. For example, this is the first generation to have decided society owes them a college education. That's always been something you chose to pay for, maybe even (what a concept!) SAVE for, or not, depending upon your circumstance. I say, if the taxpayers are supposed to pay your tuition, how is that fair to the generations of people who came before and sacrificed for their degrees? If you demand now that those people pay for your higher education as well as their own, who's the good guy and who's the bad guy in that scenario?

4. The disdain for free market capitalism. Heck, Blog, the system that has thrived in America for centuries is now on the "out list," apparently. In its place, we're asked to redistribute our wealth willy-nilly. (Of course, it's the prosperity-challenged who want this. I'm not sure how they'd feel if they suddenly inherited a million bucks and were told they had to give most of it away.) I still don't understand what motivation anyone in the U.S. would have to work, if we put such plans into place. If society is going to pay off your debt, guarantee you a paycheck even if you don't have a job, etc., why wouldn't we all stay home and watch TV?

And what would happen if all these "dreams" came true? This is what I envision:

1. Stripped of capital, America's companies reduce payroll (oh boy, 2009 again), increase prices, and cut back on innovation.

2. Forced to cancel all collection of student loan payments and write off the debt, the U.S. government must cut back on programs and/or raise taxes.

3. With the ability to receive adequate income without working, the rising number of the unemployed stay home, reducing the government's tax revenues still further and forcing corporations to outsource more jobs overseas. Productivity suffers.

4. The impact on the housing market caused by the mandatory write-off of defaulted mortgages is chaos. Banks' balance sheets are thrown out of kilter, there's reduced money available to lend, so only the richest can get new mortgages. Meanwhile some people make a killing selling homes the were previously mortgaged to the hilt.

Bottom line, Blog: economic and social chaos. Which is what comes of tampering with the normal order of things, commerce-wise. If we hate government bailouts of banks, why should we love government bailouts of anything else? Bailing out college grads or homeowners may seem "nicer" than bailing out rich bankers, but it gets you in just as much trouble as a society.

A lot of things need to be fixed, Blog. And here's my list of a few I can think of that we could do:

1. Simplify the tax code so the ultra-rich can't weasel their way out of paying their fair share. That will get us a lot further than raising their taxes only to have them find the usual loopholes anyway.

2. Make government smaller. (Remember "power corrupts"?) How about limited terms, campaign finance reform, and some other such remedies?

3. Fix the broken parts of the system that failed to regulate the financial industry as they should have.

4. Pass reasonable legislation to prevent management bonuses for companies that receive any government support, to limit credit card interest rates and unreasonable fee systems, and similarly curtail gross abuses.

5. Mandate financial studies classes in public high schools, to teach kids practical lessons about credit card debt, student loans, budgeting and saving. (Better their parents should do this, but it seems they've largely dropped the ball and made as big of mistakes as their kids!)

6. Rethink the idea that you have to have a four year college degree right after high school to be a success in the world today. Encourage technical schools, apprenticeship programs, and other worthwhile options for building a skilled workforce...and thus motivate colleges to get their tuition costs under control in order to compete for students.

And above all, Blog: Everyone stop thinking in black and white! Regardless of politics, religion, race, or economic status, we are all people, good and bad. Egg the house of a millionaire and you may have caused trouble for a guy who just gave fifty grand to a school for autistic kids, or whose company is actually responsible for you having a job. Sure, he could be a "greedy capitalist pig," but you don't know, just like you don't know if the OWS protester next to you is a genuine compatriot or simply hoping to steal your cell phone while you're distracted with chanting.

We've got a crapload of things to fix in this country, and wasting our energy on "them vs. us" is getting us nowhere. The government and corporate America know we're pissed, already! Better to leave the park, go home and vote, write letters, teach your kid about compound interest, buy goods responsibly, and get informed about economics, the practices of companies in which you own stock, and the positions of your elected officials.

We're only going to win this by working it out bit by bit. And doing it, as much as possible, together.

Maybe not your view of Facebook, but--

Blog, I know you keep dropping hints about getting your own Facebook page, but you know the rules: no disembodied anthropomorphic beings allowed. There aren't a ton of rules about Facebook, but there are some.

Meanwhile, there's really no rule about how a person looks at the role of Facebook in their lives, and I'm not here to tell anyone what that role should be for them. However, I feel like talking about how I look at it for me. Which of course may not matter to our readers, or even to you, Blog.

But it's my blog and I'll pontificate if I want to.

Today I got a friend request from a stranger. I do put out there in the cyberverse that people who are fans of my writing are welcome to friend me on Facebook, so sometimes that happens. Typically the person then introduces him-/herself with some nice words of appreciation. What's not to like? Other times, I get a request from a friend of a friend who has perhaps read my comments on that friend's status and would like to know me better and vice versa. Also very cool.

But this was one of those strangers who is a Networker. If you, dear reader, are a part of any sort of category, like I am a part of the authors of the world, you know whereof I speak. "Networkers" on Facebook are those who love to accumulate hoards of "friends" with that one thing in common, in my case, writing. I can appreciate the networking functionality of Facebook, although I'd prefer people keep that stuff to LinkedIn, which is really designed for professional networking. But hey, it's okay.

However, sometimes what Networkers are really trying to build on Facebook is a place for self-promotion, and only for self-promotion. Before you throw that pot/kettle/black thing at me, Blog, I won't deny that I sometimes bring up my books on Facebook. But I try to do it sparingly and in ways I would comfortably do at a party with my "real life" friends. Different story for the Facebook page for Aggie's Nine Heroes, since it's fan page and people know that going in. Many of my friends occasionally self-promote, and I'm cool with that too...it's reasonably proportional.

So back to our story. By Facebook's list of our mutual friends, I could see this stranger who sent the friend request was a writing networker. Typically when I get these, I'll accept, and then I'll give the person a week or two of posting. Oftentimes I really like them as a person and thus make a new friend. Othertimes less so, and then I block them. Yes, I admit it, that's what I do.

However, today's stranger was different. I accepted her request and then, as is my practice, checked out her wall. She was an author, all right. But what I found was 75% postings of political nature--links to articles, diatribes, etc. And as it happens these were not of my particular political bent. Result: immediate unfriend.

This is not to say I vehemently dislike anyone whose political views differ from mine; that's true of many of my dearest, oldest friends (and also my dad). What I vehemently dislike, frankly, is the behavior of posting endless political diatribes to one's friends on Facebook. It's a free country, do it if you like, but I don't have to read it. To me it seems like complete disrespect for those friends you have who disagree with you.

Whatever happened to the adage that, when in social groups, one ought not discuss religion or politics?

At any rate, clearly this person knew nothing at all about me and didn't really care to. And this leads to my problem with Facebook Networkers in general. Facebook is supposed to be for friends, people who either know each other or have a commonality that could genuinely lead to friendship, like I do with fans of my writing. When I accept a friend request and then see on his/her wall "Joan Blow is now friends with Diana Laurence and 17 other people," I'm tempted to unfriend or block right there.

What you are doing is very likely simply adding me to your promotional pool. Unless you truly use Facebook to share yourself, your interests and activities, and to engage with mine, you're not using the medium the way I do. I fear your ensuing status updates will be a steady stream like this:

Joan Blow Tell me what you think of my awesome new book cover!

Joan Blow I just added Pizza Bend, WY to my book tour--hope to see you there!

Joan Blow I just can't decide which guy in my new novel the Werewolf Alley series is the hottest. But then, it will be hard to top Tristan O'Donahue from the last one, or at least that's what my fans say!

Which, while better than a string of political diatribes, does not strike me as the best use of Facebook. But that's just me. (Of course if it's also you, you can click the Right On Box below.)

P.S., there is a real Joan Blow on Facebook. I really didn't mean her, I'm sure she's super nice.

Having trouble finishing what you start?

This is Nita Zayas, one of the members of Aggie’s Nine Heroes (Diana’s upcoming novel), and I’m delighted to be guest blogging today. Blog, I’m told you have some questions for me on the subject of how to reach closure with your projects. Project management is a specialty of mine, as you’ll learn from the book when you read how I got on the team. So let’s get started!

Blog: It’s really great, being an anthropomorphized non-entity such as myself, to talk with an imaginary person such as YOURself, Nita! First question:  What’s your best suggestion to people who have a lot of trouble finishing projects?

Nita: The best way to prevent Epic Project Fail is to do some “likelihood analysis” before you even begin. Ask yourself honestly, what are the odds you will bring this project to fruition? Set aside the reasons why you’re thinking of doing this thing: because you feel obligated, because someone else did it and was a success, because it would bring a result you really badly want. Ignore all that and focus...do you honestly have the time, money, resources, motivation and talent to get to the end? Because time spent on a project with only a 50/50 chance of completion is, frankly, wasted time. And it’s time, energy and resources you could be using to actually finish something else.

Blog: So is it always a bad idea to try something new?

Nita: Not at all.  There’s nothing wrong with taking a chance now and then, trying something new that you aren’t sure you can do. But limit those experiments and recognize them for what they are. Watch carefully for the point at which you’ve proven you can’t take the project any further successfully, call it a learning experience, and move on.

Blog: Okay, let’s say you’ve done a “likelihood analysis” and really feel this project is something you can carry through to the finish. What’s the next important step?

Nita: It’s really important to develop a complete plan, not just plunge in. Make a complete list of what you’ll need for the project and either obtain it all or make sure you can within the required time frame. And speaking of, make sure you have a time frame. Set a definite deadline and swear to yourself you will keep it. Think through all the steps to completion, and make task lists. Determine, based on your deadline, task deadlines along the way. And make sure you stick to them.

Blog: Are deadlines really so important?

Nita: If you just want to dabble or play around, and don’t care about ending up with a specific deliverable, no.  But if you’re serious about project completion, then you need to plan for more than just the final deadline. I know some people work best under pressure, but the people with the best project completion success rate, work to avoid pressure. Pressure can be motivational, sure...but it is also an added obstacle.

Blog: This sounds like it would be hard for some people. Aren’t distractions natural? I mean, so your deadline is to have the dresser stripped by Saturday evening, but then a friend calls and wants to go for coffee.  Can’t there be some flexibility?

Nita: Definitely. Which is why another key to project success is building in a lot of wiggle room. Estimate how long it will take you to complete your project and then build in an extra 33%. If you know you’re the kind who lives an impromptu life, make that 50%, or even more. That way you can shift task deadlines but still stick to the overall time frame.

Blog: Well, that works. Is there a particular attitude that will especially improve your success rate?

Nita: There sure is. Be the Boss of You. I mean, you need an internal voice that will crack the whip. That internal boss has to have a strong conviction that the project needs to reach closure. S/he is motivated to get the final result, so will tell you “DVR that show for later, get the dresser stripped first.” And this goes back to my first piece of advice: If you don’t want the end result badly enough, recognize that up front and don’t do the project. You’re going to need to rely upon your desire for completion to keep you going till the end.

Blog: But what about the projects you’re forced to do, but don’t want to? How do you find motivation for those?

Nita: With those sort of projects, I look at the final goal as “Not Having to Work on This Anymore.” I picture how nice it will be to have the job behind me, not to be fretting about it or dreading it. I focus on that rather than the distasteful project itself. Actually, negative motivation like this can make a person even more efficient than the positive kind!

Blog: Makes sense. What do you suggest for people who find themselves overwhelmed by too many projects?

Nita: I recommend that you never commit to more than five projects at once, tops. Three if they’re large ones. If you’re at that limit, don’t even entertain the idea of starting something new until you’ve completed something old. If you must take on the new project for some reason, then choose your least important ongoing one and mentally table it--don’t even think about it until you’re back down to four. Life is all about multitasking, but too much of it can really cripple efficiency and overwhelm the brain.

Blog: So, Nita, do you have any final tip for those suffering from the dreaded Lack of Closure in their project lives?

Nita: Be sure to balance projects with down time. Achieving closure is the goal, but not at the expense of other aspects of life. If your life is getting out of balance, it’s never too late to chop some projects. You can always move them to your Bucket List!

Blog: Thanks, Nita! You know, as an anthropomorphized non-entity, I have a lot of projects. And now I’m excited to get them finished!