My seven most important life lessons

Blog, seven of the last eight winters I've had to deal with some challenges. Work crises, ill health, death of a loved one, and so on. Oh joy, 2013 is proving to be another one. It's times like these that put me in mind of the most important things I've learned from my 56 years of an oft-times challenging life. Pull up whatever it is that a blog is most comfortable sitting on, and I'll give it to ya straight.

1.  To thine own self be true. I won't pretend I thought of this one, but it's so very important. If you don't face up to your own faults, look them in the eye, and deal with them, they will destroy you eventually. There's such hopelessness in people who delude themselves about their own character. That primary lie leads to a life built on falsities, an existence riddled with wrong conclusions and bad choices. And not only should a person be honest with himself, he should be wary of people who are not. There's a world of problems there you just don't want to have to deal with.

2.  Be interested in as much as you possibly can. People, subjects, activities...try to be curious and explore and inquire. No need to force yourself out of your comfort zone; I'm very risk-averse but can find loads of things to be interested in outside of extreme sports and adventure travel. (Well, I like hearing about extreme sports and adventure travel!) And I'm very much an introvert, but I discipline myself to keep up human connections. Keeping yourself connected to others and the world around you serves to keep you from shutting yourself in your own little world, where you could end up very lonely and longing for purpose.

3.  Humanity is made up of Users and Usees...get to know the players. Usees are goodhearted, generous people who live by the Golden Rule, thinking of others' needs and not necessarily their own. Users are people who are, for whatever reason, mostly focused on their own happiness. And it seems like when in the presence of Usees, they can't help but take advantage. So it's important for nice people to develop the ability to not always take the Nice Road. Once you've pegged someone as a User, you have to watch out for your own interests--they are just as important as anyone else's.

4. Karma is real--trust it, and don't get in its way. I don't necessarily believe in karma as a supernatural force--it's just that every action has consequences, and chickens always come home to roost eventually. If you do good things and make the world a better place, some of that will come back to you for sure, so take heart. Meanwhile, with #3 above in mind, remember it's important not to interfere with karma's work to reward the good behavior and chasten the bad. Protecting people from the bad consequences of their misdeeds is not your responsibility. It's the opposite: the world only gets better if people learn not to make bad choices and do mean things.

5. Make smart decisions, with an eye to the "long view." Pay attention and take the good path at each fork in the road, asking yourself what the long term consequences will be. This really will make a difference in your life. One wrong choice that seems insignificant in the moment can drastically alter the rest of your life--just ask a pregnant teen, a drunk driver who hit someone, or a drug addict. I know it's common sense that smart choices lead to success...and yet we live in a world of people with maxed-out credit cards, don't we? Too many people can't think past today. Learn to do so, and your 20-years-older self will be a much, much happier person. You'll feel pretty good right now, too.

6. Put the kibosh on these behaviors: bitterness, self-loathing, envy, passive-aggressiveness. Some "negative" emotions can be constructive, I think. Grief is necessary and natural. Anger can be therapeutic and can be channeled into positive action. But bitterness only poisons the person harboring it. Self-loathing only cripples one's ability to improve. Envy is usually misplaced--the person you envy is probably as unhappy as you are, so you're wasting your energy. And passive-aggressiveness is a self-deluding game (see #1 above) that accomplishes nothing good.

7. Never commit suicide while you're depressed. This is an old joke of my dad's--one that has a point. Recognize when you are simply bummed out, and don't try to make decisions when in that state. Instead, focus on doing whatever you need to do to feel better. Action can wait until your head's on straight.

Blog, I've done a decent job with most of these principles during my life, but I tell you, I can trace at least 75% of my unhappiness to the consequences of my neglecting them. 'Bout time I passed them on, I guess! Carry on, Blog, and good luck.

Help Blog and me stamp out Partyism

No, Blog and don't want to ban celebrations...that's not what this post is about. We're here today to talk about the terrible bigotry that has run rampant across America for some time now, a bias we should tolerate no more than racism, sexism, and all other forms of prejudice.

Yes, it's Partyism--the bias against those of differing political leanings than you. Blog, I'm sure our U.S readers agree that the liberal vs. conservative, Republican vs Democrat battle been ugly for a long time now. Few of us enjoy it. But how many of us recognize this conflict has actually resulted in bigotry? How many of us won't tolerate bias based on gender, religion, or sexual orientation, but have no trouble indulging in bad behavior if the issue is party affiliation or ideology?

Before we go any further, Blog, I want to clear up two things:

Thing 1--Of course it's okay to disagree, aka believe you're correct and the other side is incorrect. That's what it means to have a different opinion, and there's no law or moral code against that. In fact, each of us ought to have convictions and be willing to express them and act upon them.

Thing 2--You run into trouble, however, if you go too far using those opinions as a measure of judgment. In other words, if you are too quick to decide someone else is "evil," or "morally abhorrent," or "opposing God's will," or "as bad as Hitler," you are venturing onto a slippery slope. I'm not being a moral relativist here, Blog--I believe there is objective right and wrong. However, as mere humans, we do better to look at the world in shades of gray, and oppose wrong ideas and behavior rather than condemning "wrong people," except in the most extreme, truly criminal cases.

Now, if you're unwilling to look at political opinions as beliefs people hold in good conscience, arrived at by their own particular lights, then read no further. This post won't be of use to you, so carry on. The rest of you, thanks for sticking around.

Now let's begin and make our case of how bad Partyism can be. We'll achieve this by looking at nine elements of bigotry, comparing classic examples of racism, sexism, etc. with similar behaviors of Partyism.

1. STEREOTYPING

Racism: "Blacks are lazy."  I remember this from my childhood. Who can get away with such a statement now? And we shouldn't be able to! We should bridle at portrayals in old movies of African-Americans as slow and shiftless--we should feel shame at such hurtful stereotypes.

Partyism: "Republicans want to take away women's rights." "Democrats don't love America."  Have you ever had someone from across the aisle assume something about you based on how you vote? Maybe they say because you're Republican you don't care about the poor (even though you give more to charity than that person does)? Or maybe, because you're a Democrat they think you want to kill babies (even though you think of abortion as a last resort and only want to protect mothers)?

We have to stop creating caricatures of the folks on the other side, straw men and women that embody everything we hate, and projecting those images on our friends, neighbors, and co-workers. Even when there's a reason for a stereotype, and it truly is something of a norm, nothing is universal. Before you assume you know how the other person thinks and feels, how about asking him or her? People are not political cartoons, they're people.

2. GENERALIZING

Sexual orientation bias: "All gay men just want to sleep around--why should they care about getting married?" Alarm bells go off when we hear "all" or "every single" or "always." Haven't we learned you shouldn't generalize about any particular group? People who share the same religion, ethnic heritage, gender, etc. are all individuals. No duh, hey Blog?

Partyism: "All Republicans are heartless and greedy." "All Democrats are bleeding hearts who never use their heads." These are the sorts of statements and implications you read every day in comments, on blogs, on Facebook. If you're talking about political persuasion, apparently it's okay to make sweeping generalizations and ignore all the complexities and subtleties that make up political opinions.

Just like each gay person is a unique individual, so is each liberal, each conservative, each independent. The labels can be useful, but as often as not they will give you the a wrong or incomplete impression. Best to keep that in mind before you really misjudge or insult a friend.

3. GUILT BY ASSOCIATION

Racism: "I don't trust black people. They're criminals." One of my former in-laws would simply not let go of her bias against African-Americans because a neighbor was once robbed by a black person. Well, obviously that didn't say anything about the entire race, but it was reason enough to her to make the dislike universal. She ignored the Jackson Brothers' great lyric, "One bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch, girl."

Partyism: "Conservatives think rape is okay." "Liberals don't care if their protests destroy private property." Blog, one thing that really frosts my cookies is when someone takes an example of really bad behavior by a member of a group and then throws it in the faces of the entire group. Did Senator So-and-So just say something ridiculous / do something horrible? Well, maybe he's in my party but guess what, I'm not so stupid to think he's right. You'd never yell "Shame on you!" at all gays because one football coach abused a bunch of young males, would you? Yet it's okay for you to lay a guilt trip on me because of one kook--and feel self-righteously smug about it? Seriously, Blog! It's ridiculous!

4. ASSUMING INFERIORITY

Racism: "Whites are more intelligent than blacks." As hard as it may be to believe, when I was a kid this was a commonly held opinion in my community. It's appalling--as such attitudes should be.

Partyism: "Liberals are crazy." "Conservatives have no souls." Seriously, Blog...how much of an effort does each of us make to keep in mind "All men were created equal." It's perfectly possible for a person to have liberal sensibilities and be utterly sane, now isn't it? And it's perfectly possible a conservative thinker might not be morally bankrupt, isn't it? Just because a person disagrees with you doesn't mean they are less smart, thoughtful, well-informed, sane, etc. They simply have arrived at different conclusions than you. Feel free to think them mistaken, but leave your arrogant sense of superiority behind, if you please.

5. PATERNALISM

Sexism: "Well, of course she shouldn't head the company, she's a woman and the job needs someone strong and steady." We can laugh at this attitude while watching "Mad Men," but it's just not cool in real life.

Partyism: "He actually believes in creationism--don't bother to talk to such an idiot." "My wife's a liberal--you know how emotional they are." Paternalism is treating the person like a child--it's treating a group like children who can't be reasoned with and must be coddled, manipulated, or ignored. Blog and I hate to break it to you, but intelligent adults can have an infinite number of different political opinions. Just because they don't think exactly as you do doesn't mean they're immature, silly, and hopeless. Until you can treat the other side like adults, you won't get anywhere.

6. IRRATIONAL FEAR

Religious/cutural bias: "The Jews are out to get us, so we have to get them first." Yup, this kind of thinking was one of the forces that fueled Nazi Germany. Repulsive, isn't it? In every way.

Partyism: "The liberals are going to destroy every last one of our traditional values." "The conservatives are going to set back women's rights 50 years." All right, everyone just step back from the panic button. While it's fine to be vigilant and discourage political trends you see as harmful--in fact, that's the job of all citizens--don't let it turn to panic and unreasonable fear. Ease up on the hyperbole. Take a calm look. Ponder rationally for a moment. Do you really think every single liberal in America wants to overturn every moral principle you were taught as a kid? Do you really think every single conservative disrespects women's rights (including the females)? And do you really think you can get anywhere by assuming the very worst possible motives for those with whom you disagree?

7. DISRESPECT

Racism: "Hey, n***er, this drinking fountain is not for your kind." Wow. It's unbelievable the cruelties people have inflicted on others without compunction, just because their race or religion or ethnicity or orientation is different.

Partyism: "You voted for So-and-so? Well, you're a Nazi." Blog, we manage to eradicate the old N-word from our national vocabulary, but now we have a new N-word. Do I seem like a Nazi to you? Well, I've been called one. I've been called plenty of other things too, not necessary directly every time, but by association. The same people who claim to detest bigotry employ its cruelties all the time without batting an eye, because the difference is political. Blog and I say--it's just as bad! We're sick of the name calling and disrespect already!

8. SEGREGATION

Religious bias: "I can't believe my daughter wants to marry a Catholic--I'll disown her." It used to be commonly acceptable to have an attitude like this. Different kinds were expected to segregate themselves. Intermarriage was taboo, people didn't want to adopt children of other races, communities shut each other out. Nowadays the vast majority of Americans recognize this as wrong thinking.

Partyism: "I'm unfriending all my [Republican/Democrat] friends." Because heaven forfend you should tolerate those evil people in your circle! Of course it's better if you don't have to deal with the fact that people you like think differently than you! Of course you don't want to have to consider that there are people on the other side that you share things with, enjoy the company of, and actually like! Yes, Blog, sarcasm. Instead, how about we ponder the fascinating fact that people we like and respect have arrived at different opinions than we have. How about we face the awful truth that both sides have a point, both have something to contribute, both can benefit from hearing out the other? At the end of the day, maybe no one budges an inch, but we can still care for each other.

9. MORAL JUDGMENT

Sexual orientation bias: "Those faggots are going to hell." Yikes, Blog. There's nothing like the pronouncement that because people are different than you, they are evil. That's the ultimate in bigotry, isn't it?

Partyism: "How can you be a [Republican/Democrat]? You might as well be [Stalin/Hitler]!" Blog, have you ever had someone say to you something like "I can't believe I married a [this]?" "I can't believe I raised a [that]?" "You people are so [destructive/hideous/evil]?" Well, seeing as you, Blog, are an anthropomorphized non-corporeal being, I suppose not. Well, it hurts.

So here's a news flash, all: None of us is in a position to declare others to be "evil." That politician you so loathe isn't evil, s/he just disagrees with you. Voting for him/her is not a sinful act, it's exercising a right that belongs to each of us, an exercise based upon opinion to which we are entitled without being judged.

No one should have the right to ridicule or insult you or abuse you for your political opinion, no more than for your race, religion or ethnicity. They have the right to question you respectfully, disagree with you, ask you politely to change the subject. They even have the right to tease you or poke fun at your opinion, if it's done respectfully and with good humor. But the name-calling, the guilt by association, the bigoted assumptions, the personal judgments need to be recognized for what they are: something just as bad as racism: Partyism.

Blog and I are here today to cast our votes against Partyism, and for mutual respect and understanding. Who's with us?

And if you liked this post, please do share! Feel free to steal our graphic and link to this URL: http://dianalaurence.blogspot.com/2012/08/help-blog-and-me-stamp-out-partyism.html

Un-Occupied

Hey Blog, while I've been away the U.S. has entered into full-scale class warfare...well, ideologically anyway--so far no gunfire. I speak of course of the Occupy Wall Street movement, not to be confused with the Porcupy Wall Street movement, which involves porcupines.

I totally understand the OWSers fury at government bailouts, giant bonuses for CEOs, and legislative decision-making based on corporate political donations. That stuff makes me as sick as the next person. There is a lot of graft and corruption in government fueled by corporate interests (among other fuels)--I get it. Some small percentage of Americans (1% or whatever) calls the shots for the rest of us in many ways, and that's not fair. I left my last job largely because I was tired of working for rich white guys with briefcases full of venture capital and memberships in private clubs catering to rich white guys.

But I'm afraid I'm not digging a lot of this Occupy stuff. It's all WAY too black-and-white for me, and that is never good. The they/us dichotomy worries me. Just when does political fervor cross the line into a new kind of bigotry?

Blog, here's a few of the things about OWS that bother me:

1.  The idea that all millionaires/CEOs/rich capitalists are evil. I happen to know several of these and they are actually nice people. For example, some family members and the guy who pays my salary. Now perhaps there's a higher percentage of bad rich people, based on the adage "power corrupts," but countering that is the fact that rich people aren't driven to desperate acts by poverty, like a large percentage of criminals are. Long story short, there is good and bad in everyone.  Except Mother Theresa and Hitler, I guess.

2. The belief that corporate America should be hated. I say, feel free to hate the bad things corporate America does from time to time. But remember some of those same things are the reason you can afford that fancy smartphone, and don't point fingers till you're willing to give it up. You can't have it both ways, and good luck refusing to own anything produced by corporate America. I adore the idea of shopping locally and supporting small business, but you can bet some of the tools and services those cozy companies use are provided by big corporate entities. We're all too interconnected to declare full scale war on each other.

3. The sense of entitlement. This is my biggest beef. Nowadays too many people have the habit of declaring anything they want is "a basic human right." I kind of prefer limiting it to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness"...and the pursuit sometimes involves work and smart choices, contrary to popular belief. For example, this is the first generation to have decided society owes them a college education. That's always been something you chose to pay for, maybe even (what a concept!) SAVE for, or not, depending upon your circumstance. I say, if the taxpayers are supposed to pay your tuition, how is that fair to the generations of people who came before and sacrificed for their degrees? If you demand now that those people pay for your higher education as well as their own, who's the good guy and who's the bad guy in that scenario?

4. The disdain for free market capitalism. Heck, Blog, the system that has thrived in America for centuries is now on the "out list," apparently. In its place, we're asked to redistribute our wealth willy-nilly. (Of course, it's the prosperity-challenged who want this. I'm not sure how they'd feel if they suddenly inherited a million bucks and were told they had to give most of it away.) I still don't understand what motivation anyone in the U.S. would have to work, if we put such plans into place. If society is going to pay off your debt, guarantee you a paycheck even if you don't have a job, etc., why wouldn't we all stay home and watch TV?

And what would happen if all these "dreams" came true? This is what I envision:

1. Stripped of capital, America's companies reduce payroll (oh boy, 2009 again), increase prices, and cut back on innovation.

2. Forced to cancel all collection of student loan payments and write off the debt, the U.S. government must cut back on programs and/or raise taxes.

3. With the ability to receive adequate income without working, the rising number of the unemployed stay home, reducing the government's tax revenues still further and forcing corporations to outsource more jobs overseas. Productivity suffers.

4. The impact on the housing market caused by the mandatory write-off of defaulted mortgages is chaos. Banks' balance sheets are thrown out of kilter, there's reduced money available to lend, so only the richest can get new mortgages. Meanwhile some people make a killing selling homes the were previously mortgaged to the hilt.

Bottom line, Blog: economic and social chaos. Which is what comes of tampering with the normal order of things, commerce-wise. If we hate government bailouts of banks, why should we love government bailouts of anything else? Bailing out college grads or homeowners may seem "nicer" than bailing out rich bankers, but it gets you in just as much trouble as a society.

A lot of things need to be fixed, Blog. And here's my list of a few I can think of that we could do:

1. Simplify the tax code so the ultra-rich can't weasel their way out of paying their fair share. That will get us a lot further than raising their taxes only to have them find the usual loopholes anyway.

2. Make government smaller. (Remember "power corrupts"?) How about limited terms, campaign finance reform, and some other such remedies?

3. Fix the broken parts of the system that failed to regulate the financial industry as they should have.

4. Pass reasonable legislation to prevent management bonuses for companies that receive any government support, to limit credit card interest rates and unreasonable fee systems, and similarly curtail gross abuses.

5. Mandate financial studies classes in public high schools, to teach kids practical lessons about credit card debt, student loans, budgeting and saving. (Better their parents should do this, but it seems they've largely dropped the ball and made as big of mistakes as their kids!)

6. Rethink the idea that you have to have a four year college degree right after high school to be a success in the world today. Encourage technical schools, apprenticeship programs, and other worthwhile options for building a skilled workforce...and thus motivate colleges to get their tuition costs under control in order to compete for students.

And above all, Blog: Everyone stop thinking in black and white! Regardless of politics, religion, race, or economic status, we are all people, good and bad. Egg the house of a millionaire and you may have caused trouble for a guy who just gave fifty grand to a school for autistic kids, or whose company is actually responsible for you having a job. Sure, he could be a "greedy capitalist pig," but you don't know, just like you don't know if the OWS protester next to you is a genuine compatriot or simply hoping to steal your cell phone while you're distracted with chanting.

We've got a crapload of things to fix in this country, and wasting our energy on "them vs. us" is getting us nowhere. The government and corporate America know we're pissed, already! Better to leave the park, go home and vote, write letters, teach your kid about compound interest, buy goods responsibly, and get informed about economics, the practices of companies in which you own stock, and the positions of your elected officials.

We're only going to win this by working it out bit by bit. And doing it, as much as possible, together.

Charlie Sheen vs. me, on being a 'rock star'

Blog, I'm right now picturing the interesting discussion that might ensue, were I and Charlie Sheen to appear as a two-person panel of experts providing advice on "how to become a 'rock star.'" Obviously Charlie's been pretty successful at the Celebrity Thang--getting headlines, attracting admirers, and so on. I, on the other hand, not so much. Still, allow me the presumption of placing myself on this panel and putting my ideas up against Charlie's. Okay, Blog, you can be moderator. Give us a question and let's see where this goes.

Blog: Right. Well, let's start by asking for your definition of 'rock star' for the purposes of this discussion. Charlie?

Fictitious Voice of Mr. Sheen Created by the Author: Obviously that would be me, Blog--duh!

Blog: Sure, okay. Diana?

Diana:  To me, a 'rock star' person is someone that others are drawn to, admire, and/or emulate. You want to be around that person, and it makes you happy to watch them, be in their presence. They seem larger than life, and stand out from the crowd.

Blog: Certainly true of my favorite 'rock star,' the Internet Movie Database. Okay, so what does it take to become this rock star?

FVOMSCBTA aka Charlie: Besides being Charlie Sheen? Nothing.

Blog: Adonis DNA?

FVOMSCBTA: Only if you're not already Charlie Sheen, moron.

Blog: Uh-huh. Diana?

Diana: Charlie's right that it helps to have self-confidence. But I'd like to suggest that you don't even need too much of that if you simply focus on the other person/people instead of yourself. Even an outrageously self-confident person such as Lady Gaga succeeds just as much by putting effort into making her fans feel important to her and valuable.

Blog: So a shy, introverted person can possibly be a rock star too?

Diana: Sure! My advice to shy people (and I'm kind of shy myself) is forget how you're looking, acting, talking, and get inside your audience. How is he/she/they feeling? Needing a sympathetic ear? Wanting to share something they feel is exciting? Looking for encouragement, answers, a laugh? Forget yourself and be what they need, and you'll find you're a bit of a rock star in their eyes, no matter what.

FVOMSCBTA: That's not winning!

Diana: Ah, but it is! Maybe not right at that moment, but someday your audience will treat you like a rock star, because you cared.

FVOMSCBTA: Aw come on, most of those motherf-ers will be users.

Diana: There's a few users in every crowd, Fake Voice of Charlie, but you'll figure out who they are and who truly feels grateful for kindnesses shown to them. There are always enough of the latter type to make it worthwhile and spread good stuff like ripples into the populace. Oh, and Blog, another tip....

Blog: Yuh-huh?

Diana: Be the best you can be. I mean, share your talents whatever they may be. My Davie, for example, is a Cleaning Rock Star, and he makes my life and the lives of many others easier. Do your job well and conscientiously...even if it seems you're under-appreciated. Rock stars perform well even for bad audiences, and even then someone always notices. Don't hide what you have to offer: sell it and give it away, both, whenever you can.

Fake Charlie Voice: Under-appreciated...that's this rock star all right. There's not enough money in the world to appreciate me properly, dudes. How do you put a price on being the funniest guy to walk the earth?

Diana: Mr. Artificially-Sheen is right in a way (well, just a small way). Never underestimate the power of being funny. Humor is a great gift that costs you nothing and everyone is happy to receive it. You might not have a towering wit...but you can tell a joke occasionally. Maybe you suck at telling jokes...but you can tease in a nice, friendly way. Maybe you're not good at teasing...but you can smile. And anyone can laugh at the humor of others, which is something those others will just love.

Blog: Is there one element you'd consider the most key part about pursuing the status of rock star?

Pseudo-Charlie: Pray to be my clone.

Diana: I have to say, take a genuine interest in those around you. That doesn't mean you never talk about yourself, ask for support, or make sure your own needs are met. But if you want to be a rock star person, a rock star human being, to me this is the most important element. Put yourself in their shoes and feel what they're feeling. Be mindful of what's happening to them, ask them questions, feel a bit of the passion they feel about what matters most to them. You will learn things, experience more of the world, grow as a person...so it's "winning" for both sides!

Charlie: Stop trying to make me look bad, woman. It's not possible.

Diana: I'm hardly a saint, Charlie-thing, I'm just as selfish as you are. Well, okay, not that bad. I'm not being Mother Teresa or the Dalai Lama here, and sacrificing for others. This just seems to me the way that a person becomes a rock star, and that's not exactly self-less motivation, is it? I'm saying that when you make others happy, you'll be happy too.

Blog: It's sort of the way the universe works. And if I weren't an anthropomorphic, imaginary being, I'd sure try it too. Thanks for the nice debate, guys!

Charlie: I guess I'm kinda sold, too, Diana. Can I take you out for some tiger blood?

Diana: Aw, that's the spirit, Charlie! I'd like that.

How to host a Spa Day at home

Blog, let’s review. Last Christmas Eve, my daughter Amanda and I opened packages from my other daughter Katie that contained baskets full of all sort of fun spa items: facial mix, “gator butter” for softening skin, socks to use for foot treatments, soft cushy slippers. There were also certificates to enjoy a day of treatments at a spa called “Carpe Diem.” Click on the image to see the lovely array of inclusions at said spa day!

Well, there had been a $50 limit on all our gifts to each other, so I questioned how Katie could afford to give us these spa days. “Because the spa is my house!” she explained. Which to our amazed minds made it even better!

So this past Saturday Katie hosted us for our Spa Day, and it was even more awesome than we had dreamed. Readers out there, this could be a great gift for you to give a loved one! Here’s how it all went down.

A relaxing arrival

When we arrived, we found Katie had prepared her cozy arts-and-crafts style living room with comfy chairs flanking the faux fireplace, scented candles, and fresh flowers. Manzi and I put on our robes and aforementioned slippers. Katie had made us each a relaxing heated shoulder wrap made from a sock stuffed with rice and gloriously scented with vanilla sandalwood. We settled into our chairs with lovely glasses of sparkling cucumber spring water (cuke and lime slices). We also had bowls of organic dried fruit and pepitas/cocoa nibs/dried cranberries to snack on.

Foot treatment

It was time for a little party for our feet! Katie had a large dishpan type-tub for each of us, into which she placed warmed river rocks and a hot soak of honey, milk and oatmeal. The rocks are so you can wiggle your feet and get a nice massage, and they really did feel great. Katie used another homemade concoction to exfoliate our feet, made of vanilla, brown sugar, oatmeal, milk-soaked ground almond and extra virgin olive oil. She rinsed us off with cool milk and toweled our tootsies dry. Then she indulged us in an actual foot massage, using shea butter, extra virgin olive oil, jojoba oil and vanilla sandalwood whipped into butter. We put on our socks to let the buttercream work even more magic to soften our feet.

A healthy, uber-tasty lunch

Katie had prepared us a scrumptious spa lunch, which was served to us in our chairs. She made smoked salmon, Greek yogurt and chive open-faced sandwiches on whole grain pita bread, and balsamic quinoa salad with spinach and feta. Satisfying for both soul and body, not to mention super yummy!

Hand treatment

Our hands were up next for pamperization. We soaked them in bowls of warm milk, honey and oatmeal. Then they got the whole buttery treatment and massage similar to our feet--the lotion was like the foot stuff except with emulsifying wax and water in place of the shea butter. It’s amazing how much effect hand and feet massages alone can accomplish! Afterwards, our warm and relaxed hands cozied up in hand towels for awhile.

Facials

We were actually given three options of facials and could pick our preference. Manzi chose the one suited for normal/dry skin, and I picked the one for aging skin. Katie gave us each a headband to keep our hair clean, and proceeded to cleanse, tone, and apply our skin-specific masks. We relaxed in our chairs for awhile, and it was essential to have cucumber slices placed on our closed eyes...both to refresh them and to provide entertainment as Katie rescued them a few times from sliding off! Then after 20 minutes or so, Katie wiped the facials off gently (yep, we didn’t even need to go rinse in the sink) and then applied moisturizers. All natural ingredients were used for everything, including eggs, banana, ground avocado pit, lemon and honey!

Katie all the infos she used for everything by searching online, Blog. Here are some websites she recommends:

• 
  
  ingredients and recipe ideas: www.fromnaturewithlove.com
• awesome source for shea butter: www.nasabb.com
• ehow is always a great source:www.ehow.com/homemade-masks

Here’s to our health!

We capped off the day with lovely glasses of dry champagne with fresh raspberries. It was time to just chat and enjoy each other’s company for awhile. That was the perfect way to conclude the perfect day!

It goes without saying that Katie put a lot of prep, research, and work into treating us to this wonderful spa day. (She also took all these awesome photos during the festivities!) But speaking for her, Blog, it was all worth it. It was a day her sister and I will never forget, and meant so much more because she did it for us herself.

So if you dabble in home spa or would like to get into it (Katie was totally new at it), what better to do than treat a friend or family member or two into a spa day?

Homemade Gifts Reveal Part 3: Polymer Clay Stuff

In our third and final segment of the reveal of my homemade Christmas gifts, Blog, I'm happy to present the polymer clay projects.  It's my favorite medium! So let's get right to it.

MANZI'S REMY SALT CELLAR

My daughter Manzi likes Hitchcock movies, sure, but she's a fan of a lot of films, including Disney's "Ratatouille." She's nuts about the little rat chef hero, Remy.

Now Manzi and Nate's place is a little crowded (they're moving to bigger digs soon, yay!) so I didn't want to give her a Remy that didn't justify his existence somehow. Meanwhile, I knew that culinary devotee Manzi didn't have a decent salt cellar. So I decided to incorporate salt storage into my Remy. And, synchronistically, a week or two after I made this decision, Manzi even mentioned to me her desire for a salt cellar. It was destiny!

I sought out a few images of the cartoon Remy from different angles to use as models. Then I made a core of aluminum foil and incorporated some sturdy wire to support Remy's tail and arm. I used a pair of leftover eyes I'd made previously (a time-consuming process I was glad to have pre-completed), a lot of gray and pink clay, and beading wire for whiskers. A scrap of white fabric became his kerchief, emblazoned in red pen with "Cucina alla Z," a reference to Manzi's imaginary restaurant/catering business (her other nickname is "Z"). A salt cellar purchased from Bed, Bath and Beyond and an old baby spoon completed Remy's accessories.

Here's the little guy ready to assist in the kitchen:

And a back view showing off his tail:

If I had any artistic skill, this project would have been easier (it took me about five hours), but I admit I struggled to get my rat to have a proper resemblance to Remy. I guess I succeeded, because when Manzi opened the package, she obviously recognized him right away:

Happy happy joy joy, hey Blog?

DAD'S ROBOT

My dad taught me a love of science fiction from practically babyhood. He introduced me to one of sci-fi's most famous robots, Robby from "Forbidden Planet," way back in the early 60s. As I pondered what I might create for a guy like him, the idea of a robot came pretty quickly to mind.

My day job is at a company that sells machine parts, and it so happens we have a lot of parts that have been used as promotional and display items and end up sitting around in odd corners and drawers, going to waste (and making a lot of clutter). From these I scavenged a nice collection of bolts, brackets, washers, oil site glasses and other nifty steampunk-y elements. Supplemented with a few items from our own junk drawers, I had enough stuff to combine into a robot. In fact, I used nearly everything I had glommed: again, kismet.

Combining these elements with metallic polymer clay, assembled with super glue and support wires for strength and stability, after something like four hours I achieved this final result:

Note that inside his belly you can see behind the glass a little red heart! That's 'cause I love my dad.  :-)

Here's the back view:

He looks ready to take over the universe, hey? And here's Dad showing him off on Christmas Eve:

JEWELRY FOR SHERRIE AND AVA

Polymer clay jewelry is where I started with this hobby, so for sure that came into play come gift-making time.

For my mother-in-law Sherrie, who likes pins, wears a lot of blue, and collects birdhouses, I made a bird pin. I used techniques from my idol, Christi Friesen. Here it is:

I'm a sucker for jewel tones. Alas, I was at the day job when Sherrie received this so no photo of her wearing it, but she told me on the phone she loved it. Yay!

Meanwhile, for Nate's daughter Ava, I had to utilize Christi Friesen's dragon techniques. Ava loves the movie "How to Train Your Dragon" (who wouldn't?) so I wanted to give her a dragon of her own. I also worked her name into it! Happily, it's not hard to carve "AVA."

The little guy is curled around a blue stone and has bead eyes and a nice string of iridescent beads along his spine. As of this writing we haven't had a chance to give it to Ava yet, but I have been assured she will adore it!

Both these pieces came out in less than three hours. You can make such cool things with polymer clay so quickly!

STOCKING STUFFERS:  TREE ORNAMENTS

Not content to leave the claying at that, I also made a little tree ornament for each of the grown-ups. I had several ideas I had accumulated during the season and wanted to try them all.

For foodies Manzi and Nate, it seemed appropriate to make something that looked edible. I had seen faux chocolates at Stein's Garden & Gifts and knew you could make fake chocolate a lot better with polyclay. I made four different chocolates and strung them up in pairs with red cord on homemade wire hooks. See what I mean? It starts me drooling just to look at them. Trick of the trade for stuff like this: use mismatched scrap clay for the cores and then cover with the good stuff.

For the older generation among us--Dad and Sherrie--I went for elegant. Sometime during our holiday shopping I saw tiny packages made of polymer clay, so I wanted to try it myself. I made red and green striped wrapping paper of pearlized red and green clay, and YES, it was just as painstaking as you might suppose. Yikes. But all worth it when I saw the result, such evenly striped, thin stuff. I literally wrapped two "boxes" of scrap clay in this wrapping. They were finished with tiny ribbons and bows of white clay. After baking, I painted Future floor polish on the bows and ribbons to make them shiny. With a wire loop inserted and strung on red cord, the ornaments were good to go on the trusty tannenbaum.

Katie and Chris are the whimsical types, so for them I had to make a pair of anthropomorphized Christmas tree bulbs. I think you can work out from looking at them the simple approach I took; and I used leftover clay wrapping paper for their little scarves (that stuff was too cool to toss out). A coating of Future on the "glass" parts makes them shiny.

Well, Blog, that sums it up for this year's Creative Christmas presents on my part. I can report that I've never had a Christmas where I enjoyed giving gifts even half this much. And the getting was just as much of an upgrade! From the promissory note for a professional photoshoot of all my crafts by Chris (much better than these pix have been, Blog), to Nate's crazy "Give me the Davie Special" gift basket of rum and amaretto...

...to Katie's spa kits and certificate for a full-fledged spa day at her house, to Manzi's fun homemade gift cards for activities with her stepdad, everyone came through. Even non-artistic Davie found some absolutely amazing gifts we never imagined existed.

That was our Christmas at Magic House. If it sounds fun to you out there, you have almost a year to plan for having a Creative Christmas in your own family's style in 2012! Needless to say, we're already percolating ideas...

The fine art of copying

They say "There's nothing new under the sun," Blog, and it's pretty much true.  It's a fact authors and artists of all stripes find annoying, because our creations can almost always be considered derivative in some way.  The best you can hope for is to develop a new, undiscovered twist on the thing that's been done before.  And really, that's okay.  I mean, if what you're creating is so great, the fact that someone else did it before you simply suggests that it appeals to a large part of humanity.

Better to go with it than to fight it, I say.  And that's what I love about the online polymer clay community, the beading community, etc.:  people share and copy all over, but they do so with respect, giving credit for ideas and techniques whenever they can.  Particularly if you are like me and don't sell your stuff, other artists will simply take your imitation as the sincerest form of flattery.


So, when I go out to galleries and artisan shops and the like, I do so with the unabashed goal of finding ideas.  I give them new twists or reinterpret them whenever I can, but if I love something someone else did, why not try to make it myself?  My case in point is this necklace and earring set I made yesterday pictured above (no polyclay here, just beading).  Check it out, and then take a look at the piece that inspired it to the left.

I saw this necklace at the Waukesha County Museum, in a little gallery they have there for local artists.  I'm ashamed to say I didn't catch the name of the creator, but I think she would agree that she could no more take credit for this style of jewelry than I could.  In fact, to the less experienced eye (for example, most heterosexual men), the similarities of the two necklaces might not even be particularly apparent.


What I liked about this piece was the assymmetry and the use of separate sections of bead work, a hunk of chain here, a ribbon there, some natural stones grouped together, some fabricated beads in a bunch.  So that was what I "stole," tweaked to my taste, in a different color scheme, utilizing the supplies I had on hand.

I think the people at Art Instruction Schools, Inc. would consider this counting as "any size but a tracing." 

Is it true that because I can reproduce stuff I don't always buy it?  Yes indeed it is.  But I don't think that's quite cheating.  I can't, after all, do everything (see the hideously embarrassing doll project), and my house is full of pictures, sculptures, and other art that I chose to buy rather than to attempt to copy.

Meanwhile, I can only hope that some of the stuff I've put online that I've made has been appealing enough to other people that they tried to make versions of their own.

One time I received an email from someone who liked one of my stories so much that she really, really wanted to write some fiction of her own using the same characters and setting (in other words, that genre known as "fan fiction").  I said, by all means--as long as she credited me with a link to my website.  I considered her request one of the most flattering emails I had ever received.

So that's what I'm getting at:  there's a nasty way to copy, and there's also a very, very nice way.  If you do it the nice way, all you're doing is proliferating something lovely...and that's never a bad thing, Blog.

National Dance Day, with sausages

Blog, yesterday was the first annual National Dance Day (sponsored by the folks at "So You Think You Can Dance').  By sheer coincidence I got to observe it in perfect fashion, with the dancers you see to the right, along with 1,800 others!

First, some back story on National Dance Day.  SYTYCD choreographers Tabitha and Napoleon Domo created a nice hip-hop routine and put it on YouTube.  People all over the world were encouraged to learn it, and dance it on July 31.  Or, in lieu of that, simply find your own unique way to celebrate dance.

I haven't gotten a full report on the success of the project yet, but here you can see Tabitha and Napoleon with faculty members of Coastal Dance Rage, joined by choreographers/SYTYCD judges Mia Michaels and Adam Shankman, leading a crowd yesterday at Los Angeles's Music Center in Downtown. Nice!

Awesome!  But back to how I got to celebrate the day, Blog.

It so happens that yesterday at beautiful Regner Park in the bustling berg of West Bend, Wisconsin (population 28,152), an attempt was made at breaking the world record for largest Thriller dance.  Davie and I were on hand to see the band that opened for the event (the awesome Dead Rock Stars).  We were so lucky to happen to be there for the thrilling Thriller event!

So, over 1,800 people turned out, young and old, many in costume, and did a bangup job on the dance.  And the gang broke the U.S. world record!  Sweet!  What a sight to see, Blog...all those people rocking out, cameras filming from atop a cherry picker, the maniacal laughter of Vincent Price drifting up into the trees...oh, and the five members of the famous Klement's Racing Sausages were there channeling Michael Jackson too!

Here's a video I took from the back of the crowd, catching the Sausages in rehearsal along with everyone else.

Oh, and if you're wondering how close it came to a WORLD record, not close.  That would be the 13,000 people in Mexico City in August 2009, shown here.  Yikes, that many would NOT have fit into the whole of West Bend!

So, did I do any dancing myself?  I'm happy to say I did.  Later in the afternoon we enjoyed a show by Milwaukee's inimitable Pat McCurdy, and joined in on the Sex and Beer Dance.  A classic.  "Sex and beer / sex and beer / are the two things we hold dear!"

In closing, I just have to share my favorite ever dance video, and if you are not among the 30 million views it has received, or simply need to enjoy it again for a belated National Dance Day observance, please watch.  It's "Where the Hell is Matt," in which (over the course of 14 months, Matt danced with a cast of thousands in 42 countries.

Best ever, Blog.  Happy dancing, everyone!

Singing alone, together

Blog, you remember when you interviewed the Internet for our 50th post.  Well, he should have mentioned to us about one of the coolest things for which I've ever seen the Web used.  Fortunately I did learn about it from a friend on Facebook.

It's a virtual choir, and this fascinating video report from CNN shows and tells you all about it.  Long story short:

Beautiful piece of music composed by Eric Whitacre + His YouTube instructional video on singing said piece + 185 people wworldwide with webcams and microphones recording themselves doing the song + brilliant idea by singer Scott Haines = a huge choir singing perfectly together that have never been in the same room.



So obviously this thing is what I call on-beyond-Zebra, beauty-wise.  But it's also a brilliant metaphor for the wonders you can achieve when technology is employed in the right ways.  The gifts of people thousands of miles apart are united in one spectacular work of art.  And lets not forget, that work of art can be enjoyed (free!) by anyone on the planet with access to a computer with speakers.  That's a picture of what we can achieve when we work together.  Just listen to the complete performance of Eric Whitacre's Lux Aurumque:



How about all those amazing faces, all so different, yet every one of them a human being of the soprano, alto, tenor, or bass variety?  And the video celebrates their disparity and their unity simultaneously. 

Doesn't this make you proud to be human?  Now there's a good litmus test of how we use technology:  does it make you proud to be human?

Congratulations to all who contributed to the creation of Eric Whitacre's Virtual Choir, and thank you for the inspiration.

Ecclesiastical embroidery, huh?

Blog, one of the more unusual experiences I’ve been privileged to enjoy was learning the art of ecclesiastical embroidery. If you had a tangible face, I’m sure I’d see it wax puzzled right about now, Blog. But hang on, here’s how it all went down back in 1979-1982, and what it means for 2010.

And during my story, you’ll learn about these four liturgical stoles that you see here, in the four traditional colors of the liturgical year of the Christian church. (For those of you keeping score, green is for “ordinary time,” the majority of the year; red is for the power of the Holy Spirit, the Pentecost season; purple is for penitential seasons, Lent and Advent; white is for Christmastide, Easter season, certain feast days and weddings.)

My first husband studied for his Masters of Divinity at Concordia Theological Seminary in Fort Wayne, Indiana. One of the benefits of this was that I was able to partake of the seminary wives’ courses, things like apologetics and dogmatics. Way fun, actually. I also took ecclesiastical embroidery, the art of sewing Christian symbols onto vestments (clothing) and accessories for worship services. I took this class circa 1979, and it was not easy stuff. (By the way, the course is still taking place there these days.)

The difficulty of it is my excuse why it was not until 1982 that I actually finished making these four stoles. Why did I finally get my act together a year after my husband was ordained? All the credit goes to the Milwaukee Brewers. That fall was the team’s glory days, when Robin Yount, Paul Molitor & Co. had their great playoff run. At our parish in rural Fort Dodge, Iowa, I had a lot of time on my hands. So during the MLB post season, while we Milwaukee transplants watched the Brewers ultimately lose in the World Series to the St. Louis Cardinals, I finished the stoles.

My husband left the ministry some years later, and in our divorce gave me custody of the stoles. They languished in a storage bag for the past two decades. Recently an idea came to me for what to do with these stoles, which took me dozens of hours to embroider (two symbols per stole, Blog) and sew (also very tricky).

Our good friends Liz and Dave are devoted members of a lovely parish, St. Mary’s Episcopal Church in Dousman, Wisconsin. This congregation was founded in 1836, and its first real church, which still stands today and until this year was the sole building of worship for the parish, was built in 1870. That history alone is inspiring.

St. Mary’s takes part in The Haiti Project, a joint effort of the Milwaukee diocese of the Episcopal Church, and has a sister parish in Haiti. I couldn’t think of a cooler home for my stoles than this. So I took these farewell photos of my handiwork and will be donating them to St. Mary’s this weekend. It’s an honor and a privilege, and just thrills me to think they will find new life in a country that certainly needs love and support.

I still think ecclesiastical embroidery is an awesome hobby. If our readers would like to know a little more about the subject, this site has some good information. My stoles are very traditional, making use of ancient Christian symbols, but more contemporary designs are also created using the same techniques.

I’m sure I’m making use of the practice I got during the 1982 MLB playoffs for stuff I still do today, like Herbert G and my sock creatures. Funny how life works, eh Blog?

May Flowers for May Day

It's May 1st, Blog, the date when we Wisconsinites can finally assume winter is over!  Yes, it's safe to do things like buy patio plants, which I hope to do ASAP.  Being the first Saturday in May this year, it's also Derby Day which means DRINK MINT JULEPS!  But I digress.

A few weeks back I invited readers to send me their favorite images of crafts and creations that celebrate flowers, and they came through with some beauties.  Without further ado, let's enjoy these May Day May Flowers!

I'll kick things off with a couple of images of my own.  I took photos of a clump of our beautimous bleeding hearts.  (By the way, they are in a vase I bought in 1969 from Van Briggle Pottery in Colorado Springs, founded 1899.)  I like to fool around with Photoshop, and these two shots demonstrate that.

I must, however, bow before the awesomeness of my photographer friend Rebecca Nieminen Sloan, who sent me one of the gazillions of amazing nature photos in her collection:  Morning Glories After Rain.

Blog, no one can deny the gorgeousity of real blooms, but before we move on from them, let me remind everyone that sometimes flowers can be downright terrifying.  My pal Florian Maas sent me living proof of that, a photo of the infamous Titan Arum.  I'd hate to meet one of these in a dark greenhouse.

Wow.  Nuff said.

Well, what I knew I'd love about this little challenge was seeing the flower theme interpreted in all the cool arts and crafts that my friends do.  Here's an old favorite of mine, a watercolor painting created by Constance Pappalardo.  It was actually chosen as the logo of the 2007 Cary, NC Spring Daze festival, and you can see why.

My quilter friend Jen Buettner has been working on this "Amish Rubik Center" wallhanging and I couldn't help but gank it from her blog.  Absolutely gorgeous.

I don't know the creator of this next piece, but I discovered her recently.  She does a papercraft I dabbled in a little in high school, called quilling, which uses strips of curled paper.  In fact, Yulia Brodskaya has been very successful with her craft commercially, and you may see her work in print ads and the like.  This flowery example of her talent really blows me away.

My friend Erica Campbell is not a pro, but her work is dang professional if you ask me.  She does scrapbooking and makes greeting cards.  Check out the card she made for her mom this year...now that's an heirloom!

I have another friend known as Corsetkitten Erica who customizes dolls for a hobby.  She's brilliant.  She also makes them amazing furniture and accessories, and recently used polymer clay to make this tiled table top.  Yes, those are all tiny bits of clay.  Unbelievable.

Which segues us nicely into my favorite medium!  Polymer clay is a great way to celebrate flowers.  My friend Dawna Marie Sharp just took up the hobby and look at the amazing things she can already do with "caning."  That's the process of making a long tube of clay that can be sliced into individual beads like this one...only the second flower Dawna made!

Personally, I love the shimmery, coppery colors of this one:

New friend Lorraine Vogel learned of the May Flower Challenge via Dawna, and sent me a few pieces of her amazing jewelry, also of polymer clay.  Lorraine is an old pro and sells her gorgeous work.  I've never seen anything quite like her designs:

And this delightful "Hawaiian Blue":

My favorite, a wooden flower!

Okay, Blog, that's enough flowery fun.  Thanks SO MUCH to all you contributors!  Now let's get our juleps on and toast the arrival of flower time and total takeover by that wonderful season called spring!