Polymer clay and resin, yay!

It's 2012, Blog, and that means another year of cool new crafting techniques to try! For Christmas I asked for the accoutrements I needed to explore using resin, and I wasted no time in trying out this nifty medium. Here you see my latest creation: a Steampunk Charm Necklace using beads I made with polymer clay and resin.

I used Lisa Pavelka's product Magic-Glos, and boy howdy is it great stuff! All you need to cure it is either sunlight or a UV lamp, and this being Wisconsin in winter, I opted to ask for Lisa's brand of lamp, designed especially for use with these sorts of projects.  Those two items were all I needed to get started in resin crafting.

So, here's how I made the charms in my necklace:

There are both silver ones and copper ones, using Premo metallic color polyclay. There are also faux wood ones, also made of clay (I love making faux wood.) I cut out the squares with a beveled clay cutter, then topped them with all kinds of embellishments.

Going for the steampunk theme, I used various clockworks: springs, gears and tiny screws. I used a scrap of sheer Victorian fabric on one. I raided my bead collection for the metal scrollwork, key charm, and various beads, and my misc. junk files for gemstones and a scrap of tarnished copper. I baked the squares in the oven per usual.

Once they were cool, it was resin-ing time, Blog. All you do is put some drops of resin on top of a square, spread with a toothpick to the edges, and let the product self-level. It forms a perfectly clear and smooth dome all by itself! 5 minutes under the UV lamp is all it took to cure, and I ended up putting three coats on to give a nice, high dome.

I drilled holes and superglued in eyepins, then chained the charms together. I'd estimate the whole project took about seven hours.

Photo by Christopher Robleski

I was just thrilled with the result. You're still my best friend, Blog, but I think Uvie here may be a close runner-up. You rock, Uvie!

The mind boggles at the awesome things I'm going to be able to do with resin. Who knows exactly what...but fish and sparkly stuff will no doubt be involved at some point.

Uvie and my Magic-Glos were purchased via Amazon, but you can get them many places. For more info, best place to go is the website of the awesome Lisa herself, www.lisapavelka.com. You've got no "resin" not to!  Bwahaha, oh blorg, Blog....

I heart my Thunderbolt - a review, with love

I have returned at last, Blog, for I just have to share about my crazy love affair with my new Thunderbolt phone, which I got last Thursday. I was the very first person to buy one from my local Verizon store because the T’bolt launch date was the exact day I qualified for “New After Two.” Ah, kismet.

Please meet Tybalt, over whom I am so unreasonably giddy as to be singing things like “Longer” by Dan Fogelberg. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but I do really adore this phone. The reasons why may be no big deal to recent iteration iPhone and Android phone users, so if so, bear with me. To a person who had a 20-month old Blackberry (wow, 20 whole months), Tybalt seems to have come from the future.


1. Speed. I’ll say it again. Speed. I live on the south side of Milwaukee, a city slated to get 4G service by the end of 2011. But I got Tybalt home and discovered that our area actually has it NOW! Whoa, you should see the fastness, it’s almost as good as browsing on my PC, speedwise. Even in 3G areas it is ridonkulously fast.

2.  When you wake Tybalt up, the home screen does what the local weather is doing. Like the clouds part, or it rains and some windshield wipers flash by, or lightning streaks across the screen. I mean, not only does Tybalt know where I am and what the weather is there, he acts it out. Gosh. Okay, that’s fun but I guess I need to focus on more serious issues. (But it is WAY fun.)

3. He is a kickass phone. As in phone. As in crystal clear sound like I used to have on our landline but gave up to save money so I could justify paying for a smartphone. Imagine it! A great phone!

4.  He’s a GPS at no extra charge! I never got GPS on my Blackberry because it was $10/month extra, but not Tybalt. Not only does he know where I am, he knows what direction I am facing. Seriously! Also, I can say at him where I want to go (like “Kohls”) and he finds the nearest Kohls, maps the route, shows me where and can even vocalize turn-by-turn directions! Boo-yah.

5.  A press of a button (the Places app) reveals cool stuff nearby. Restaurants! Bars! Attractions! Gas! Not only that, there are reviews and info and of course, mapping. A vacationer’s dream I tell you.

6.  A way better version of Facebook. FB is key to me, and this version is ten times better than the FB app I had before.  Heck, all the apps seem cooler. You should see the nifty way WeatherBug looks on here, with all the sliding around of panels and stuff.

7.  That spready-finger feature. Yeah, I know this is not exactly cutting-edge, but I love being able to use my fingers to make an area of the browser screen larger. Links work so much better, too. I’ll just say I’m coveting a tablet way less now.

8. Angry Birds. Wow, it’s all they said it was and more. I won’t miss Bubblechain after all.

9. Glorious picture and sound. Yeah, I’m not talking about a TV. The image is so awesome, and the speakers real nice, and I can plug in headphones and get really great stereo sound. Oh Tybalt, is there no electronic device you can’t stand in for?

10. And all that jazz. Where do I stop? There’s a barcode scanner, a really excellent flashlight that I’ve already used, front and back cameras, very convenient syncing of all my email accounts, contacts, bookmarks, calendars, gazillions of apps like Walgreens (where my entire library of photos are stored online) and eBay and YouTube, crazy plentiful customization features, yada yada.

My Blackberry tried to do things, and sometimes did them okay, but often did them half-assed. My Thunderbolt does all things well. (Okay, he can’t totally replace the TV yet, but wait till Hulu is made Android-accessible. And Netflix, what about you too?) Tybolt can do GPS, game device, music player, computer, camera/camcorder, and...wait for it...phone.

You can use a Thunderbolt as a substitute nook or Kindle also, but I’m afraid I also have to hang on to Cranny--he still makes for a better ereader. I have to keep ICU, my real camera, too, but I’m guessing I could stop carrying him everywhere with me and reserve him for vacays and siteseeing trips. Now Abbott Labs just needs to find a way to integrate the continuous glucose monitor into an Android phone and I will only need one device on me to live!

Okay, okay...to be fair, there’s one thing I still kind of need to live, and that’s my PC, Gaiman. But only because I wouldn’t want to try to write a novel on a phone. Or for that matter, Blog, a blog.

New clothes for I.C.U.

Blog, during Davie's and my little trip to Madison last Friday, I lost the cloth case that has been my camera's protective clothing for the several years I've had him. Poor, naked little guy. So I had to come up with a new get-up for I.C.U. post haste.

What specifically to do was pretty much a no-brainer to someone who has a huge pile of felt and a huge box of buttons. Please don't think I was clever enough to come up with this idea myself. Many more have done so before me, as a search for "camera case" on Etsy.com will reveal.  At any rate, I think it turned out pretty button.

The trickiest part of my sharing I.C.U.'s new outfit with you was the fact that, well, he can't take a photo of himself wearing it! Obviously! I had to call in 'Berry, my phone, to be substitute photographer. When I saw the pictures that 'Berry took, I realized how much better a papparazzo I.C.U. is. Well, what part of "Your camera will take better photos than your phone" is counterintuitive, Blog?

So the top photo in this post had to be I.C.U.'s picture of the case without him wearing it. Before you decide to post a comment about how 'Berry's pics are almost as good, please be informed that I had to photoshop the heck out of them to fix the colors, brightness, contrast, etc. So what you're seeing is actually a demonstration of my amazing Photoshop skills.  Oh yes, I do rock.  (Um, sorry.)

And really, should we be overly concerned about my phone's ego? After all, he's the one who can get to the Web almost anywhere, download my email, check in to Facebook, and play Bubble Chain.  I.C.U. doesn't do anything but take pictures, so he damn well better do it well.

And now, thanks to my huge pile of felt and huge box of buttons, he can do it in clothes again.  Well...actually...that's not true, as I just proved.  But you know what I mean, Blog.

Hockey Snacks’ Shinny is back!

Blog, I made a deal with Davie if the Chicago Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup (which they did Wednesday night), I would bring back an old friend of his for the occasion. Retired in 2002, this little guy still occasionally gets fan mail. He and I hosted the weekly ezine of NHL humor, Hockey Snacks, from 1998 to 2002, and garnered thousands of readers.

It staggers me that some of them still ask me about Shinny, aka my left index finger dressed in a tiny Blackhawks goalie mask. Shinny interviewed all sorts of crazy characters back in the day, including the Buffalo Jumbotron, the Hockey Tooth Fairy, a scrap of Vezina’s pads, etc.

So, for Davie (aka “Snacks Fact Guy Dave”) and all you faithful fans, we welcome the return of Shinny. And this time, he’s on the other side of the interview desk!

Blog: Shinny, there are a lot of reasons to be happy the Hawks won the Cup, but I for one am delighted the event brought you back into the limelight once more.

Shinny: Blog, I’m just dang happy to have lived to see Stanley come to Chicago. I’m gonna have to hook up with the big guy while he’s in the Windy City if I can. It’s been a long time since he and I tipped back the bubbly together. And as for that sneaky puck that no one but Patrick Kane could see in the corner of the net...well, Snacks fans, remember Burger the Puck? He who once got caught in Flyers goalie Bryan Boucher’s mask?

Blog: One and the same?

Shinny: You betcha.

Blog: Wow that’s something! Well, we know you’re focused on that Cup win, Shinster, but there are a lot of folks around the Internet who’ve been asking after you. I guess a finger in a goalie mask can make a lasting impression.

Shinny: That’s really gratifying, Blog. Di and I haven’t forgotten all the Snacks fans who used to fill her email box with ideas for Separated at Birth (like Jeremy Roenick and James Woods), and who tuned in to keep up with the characters on The Real Rink (remember the Waukesha Western Box Turtles?), and who proudly called themselves Canuckophiles.

Blog: A term I believe you coined.

Shinny: Well, it’s hard to love hockey without loving Canada, Blog.

Blog: True dat, eh? Tell us one of your notable memories from the days of Snacks, Shinny.

Shinny: Well, I’ll certainly never forget when I got cut and had to have stitches. But of course, that sort of thing is life for hockey players.

Blog: Rumor was that was a bagel-slicing incident, and not actually from a skate in game-action.

Shinny: Well, when you’re a finger, people make assumptions. In the grand hockey tradition of keeping info about injuries on the d.l., I’m not going to confirm or deny that bagel business, Blog.  Another great time was when I got to work on the production of the NHL Naptime series of hockey cards.  Not a lot of fans can boast that they got to see famous players like Wayne Gretzky in bed.

Blog:  I hope not, Shinny.  Ahem.  But you know, a lot of people have wondered how it came to be that a finger got the gig hosting an ezine, Shinny. What’s the story there?

Shinny: Well, the boss started her website to promote her first two published books, and threw in some fun stuff like her collection of hockey stuff. Me in my tiny mask, borrowed from her Ed Belfour action figure, made an appearance. Her regular updates quickly turned into a weekly thing, and thus Hockey Snacks was born.

Blog: Were you surprised when you suddenly found yourself the star host of an internet craze?

Shinny: Aw, Blog, now you’re making me blush. “Internet craze”?

Blog: 6,000-plus regular readers was pretty good ten years ago. I think that’s like a thousand times what I get, Shinny.

Shinny: Well, you’re non-corporeal, Blog. Having a physical appearance helps a lot.

Blog: I’d work on that if I could, Shinny.

Shinny: But to answer your question, it was a huge surprise. The author was awfully new to hockey, she only became a fan in 1994. I think when she started Snacks she still hadn’t quite figured out offsides.

Blog: I heard she thought the goalie’s blocker looked like a stuffed leather muffin tin.

Shinny: Had never heard of Timbits either.  But before we were done, she was savvy enough to teach her cat Cake to play goal.

Blog: Hard to believe.

Shinny: What was really hard to believe was the fan response.  We got so much input and material from readers, and that was what made it fun.  The contributions people sent in to “Burger the Puck's Hockey Freaks of Nature” alone were worth the price of admission.  Like the Jesus Playing Hockey Statue.  Awesome.

So, what have you been doing for the six years since Hockey Snacks packed it in, Shinny?

Shinny: Well, I’ve been exploring a lot of other options, Blog. Typing...pointing at stuff...petting cats...testing the temp of hot liquids once in awhile.

Blog: Pretty eclectic lifestyle.

Shinny: Really, that was why we retired Snacks in 2002. Putting that much work into one subject was tough.

Blog: Same reason Diana retired her Erotica with Soul blog.

Shinny: I guess it’s hard to pigeonhole a writer who has focused both on hockey and on erotic romance.

Blog: Sometimes simultaneously, like in that “Je t’aime Etienne” story in Soulful Sex Volume II.

Shinny: Are we allowed to do product placement like that?

Blog: Well, we did it for Timbits. Timbits has its own tag in the right-hand column.

Shinny: True. Anyway, while we’re enjoying the eclectic lifestyle, with the romance, the cat-petting, the crafting, the pointing at stuff, it’s sometimes still truly fantastic focusing on hockey.

Blog: You can take the finger out of hockey, but you can’t take hockey out of the finger, eh, Shinny?

Shinny: Exactly, Blog. Those days of presenting Golden Finger Awards and writing songs like “Living La Vida Hockey” are some of the best of my life and I’ll never forget them. And I want to give a shoutout to the amazing Snacks fans out there. To any of them who find this post and used to read us, I hope they will comment and tell us about themselves.

Blog: Me too, Shinny. And what’s next for you?

Shinny: Well, hopefully pointing at the TV and saying, “Look, the Stanley Cup is really in Chicago!”

Blog: Amen to that, Shinny. Amen to that.

So there you have it, friends, and there you go, Davie. And I’d like to add one more thing: A big Happy 16th Anniversary to my wonderful husband, without whom I’d never have discovered hockey and the Chicago Blackhawks.

Rock Band, Race Horse, Porn Star

Hey Blog, you and I both know the latest craze at Magic House aka chez us:  playing "Rock Band, Race Horse, Porn Star"!  Well, our own special version of that beloved game.  So let's teach the readers how to play!

You need two people, so grab your mate, a friend, or any handy anthropomorphized creature with a name like Blog here.  Decide which of you is Player 1 and which is Player 2.

Blog:  I'll be Player 1, Diana!

Cool, then I'll be Player 2.  For the first round, Player 1 thinks of a descriptive word, and Player 2 thinks of a noun.  Keep your ideas to yourselves until both of you are ready!  Then Player 1 says his word and Player 2 says hers.  The combination of words is either....wait for it....

Blog:  A rock band, race horse or porn star!

Exactly!  So the two of you discuss, which is more appropriate for the combination of words you thought up!  Okay, let's demonstrate.  Blog, think of your word and I'll think of mine.  I'm ready!

Blog:  Me too!

As Player 1, Blog speaks first.  Go ahead, Blog.

Blog:  "Turbo"!

And my word was "snack."  Together that makes "Turbo Snack."  So what do you think...rock band, race horse or porn star?

Blog:  Works dandy for a race horse.  Although pretty hilarious for a rock band.

I agree.  For a porn star...well, yikes, let's not even go there with a name like "Turbo Snack"!  Oy vay!  Anyway, see how fun?  Now you'll notice Blog kind of spun the game in favor of race horse by using a descriptive word that implies quickness.  Player 1 can also spin in favor of porn star, by choosing certain descriptive words.

Blog:  Like "creamy" or "concrete."

Fine examples, Blog.  Now imagine if Player 2 had picked "kiss" or "screwdriver."  So it really makes the game more fun if you just seize on the first word that comes to mind and go with that.  Let's try again.  For Round 2, Player 2 thinks of the descriptive word and Player 1 thinks of the noun.  I'm ready.  You ready, Blog?

Blog:  Ready!  I say "bitchin'" because that word was really funny last night on "The Big Bang Theory" when used in connection with the theory of relativity!

Love it, Blog!  And I say "igloo."  Which gives us "Bitchin' Igloo"!  What do you think?

Blog:  Obviously an awesome band name.  Let's try it out once.  "Say, is that great new song by Bitchin' Igloo, 'Love Harpoon,' out on iTunes yet?"

Works nicely, Blog!  And I daresay, Love Harpoon would be a decent porn star name too.  So, readers, see how fun Rock Band, Race Horse, Porn Star is?  Not only that, but it brings you and your loved ones closer together as you share in an activity you both enjoy.  Just another life enhancement offered to you by the blog. 

Now go forth and play, readers!  And if you and your friend come up with any good ones, be sure to post in the comments so we can all enjoy!

Perfect patio life, even on the cheap

Just ask Davie; I'm ridonkulously obsessed with outdoor living.  Why?  Two words: Wis. Consin.  Sorry, Blog, that was pretty bad.  But think about it:  We live in one of the most beautiful states in the nation, but have to put up with snow and cold from November to April.  No wonder I have the proverbial Royal Cow when 70s temps arrive.  And no wonder I'm obsessed with our patio.

We found our condo in February of 2003, and even the gray skies and several inches of snow did not prevent me from recognizing how awesome our patio was.  It's not large:  it's a quarter oval of 150-200 square feet.  And it's not like those spaces you see on "The Outdoor Room," with expensive furnishings, a stone floor, and a fish pond.  But it has a couple really great things going for it:  total privacy due to the hedge, and the beauty and shade of an overhanging maple tree canopy.

In my humble opinion, you don't have to be a millionaire to enjoy paradise-like outdoor living.  There are a few key elements to making the most of whatever you have, Blog, and of course I'm here to share.

Thing 1, naturally, is flora.  Like the flora you see above and to the left, which are actually in our perennial bed on the other side of our house.  When I was little, in the summertime we had a family ritual.  My parents called it "touring the estate," and it typically happened when my dad got home from work or after supper.  We would just stroll around our house and check out all the gardens.  You can tour the estate even if all you have is one flowerbed.  I think one flowerbed is about all this inept gardener can handle, but it's fun trying out different perennials to see which will survive the Wondergeddon that is Wisconsin winters.  I'm really pulling for this spiderwort we just put in.  It has such fun yellow leaves and exotic-y blooms.

But we're supposed to be talking patios, Blog.  I say, get yourself a bunch of plant stands and as many patio plants as you can possibly afford.  Our array this year cost a fairly typical $200, which works out to a couple bucks a day--well worth it for the joy they bring.  Plus, you can defray your cost by asking for patio plants for Mother's Day like I did this year.  That's how I snagged this beautiful dish garden you see in closeup below.  I just adore the many shades of green and white, and the great variety of shapes and textures.  Whoever planted this one (at Home Depot) knows whereof s/he dishes.

I bizarradore dish gardens, Blog.  I guess because they showcase the variety of flora we enjoy here on Planet Earth, on a very small scale.  There are as many colors in the leaves of this dish garden to the right as there are in the blossoms.  Oh, and speaking of variety, let me point out the plant stand here.  I really love this one, and got it on Super-Duper-Multiple-Discount last year at Kohls.  Being on the lookout for cheap, awesome plants stands is a fun hobby in and of itself.  Garage sales, late season discounts...there are lots of ways to get yourself nice stuff.

I should mention right now, Blog, the cool fact that I am writing this post on the patio!  Another thing to keep in mind for Perfect Patio Living is technology (an optional but beneficial Thing).  Nature and tech are not opposed, as I am proving right now:  without our wireless network and my netbook, Coraline, I'd have to be indoors doing this!  Hells to the no, Blog!  If you have a network and a laptop, your patio living just got even better.  Let's toast that idea with another dish garden!

Please note how we dolled up a commonplace wood plant stand with a rock mat.  Obsessed as I am with rocks indoors, I certainly like to use them outdoors too.  In fact, I incorporated some big art glass chunks in my new hens-and-chicks dish garden you see below.  Yeppers, Blog, I actually made this one myself, in a way cool birch basket we had.  You can see that rocks are Thing 2 about a cool patio.

And Thing 3 is a water feature.  I can't emphasize enough the difference it makes having the soothing sound of splashing water a part of your patio ambiance.  You don't have to put in a waterfall (although if I could I would, Blog).  All it takes is an inexpensive table-sized fountain, like you can get for maybe 25 bucks at all kinds of places.  If you want to go bigger, we saw a bunch on sale at Stein's this weekend, in the $100-200 range.  Our fountain is a one-of-a-kind art piece that was the item I treated myself to with our wedding gift money, found at a shop in Door County, Wisconsin.

Now this is just a personal thing, but we've found the patio is a great place to get whimsical.  That's Thing 4:  whimsy.  We have a Whimsical Sculpture Garden, Blog, and most of the items in it were bought for less than $5 apiece over the years.  Our latest addition is this $3 moose, which rather than being under the hedge with the other sculptures, is using his rain gauge as a vase.

While we're up on the tabletop, let's talk about Thing 5: furnishings.  These days people are going pretty nuts with the outdoor furniture, and I would too if I had the mega-bucks.  But really, a quality umbrella table with four chairs is all you need.  We've had ours six years and it's still good to go.  You can add on more seating as the budget permits.  Oh, and one other must, which I hardly need mention:  a grill.

You'll see some more whimsy in my artsy shot below:  that's Lisa-Bird you see in the background.  Of course it's key to name all your Whimsical Sculptures.

And no discussion of whimsy would be complete without mentioning our cat-birdhouse sculpture, seen here with Cody.  Yesterday Codes knocked that fork loose and you can imagine he freaked himself out a little bit. Speaking of Cody, I have to say it helps to improve the quality of your patio living if you can employ some fauna (Thing 6) with your flora.  The participation of our cats definitely makes one feel more a part of nature.  Below you see Selke and Alice respectively, au naturel as they say.  Cats are great at creating a chillin' mood, but dogs will do in a pinch, too.

A few other things that can enhance patio living:  An iPod with speaker(s) and a kickass playlist like my "Neverending Ubiquitous Patio Party Playlist."  A simple radio broadcasting a baseball game.  A thermometer and a clock.  Candles.  Hanging patio lights.  And last but not least, a fabulously stocked bar like we have here at Magic House.

I'm not sure, Blog, if our readers stuck with this entire long post.  But that's okay, I mostly did it for us.  There are going to be days ahead when it'll be nice to come back here and remember when the patio wasn't in Snow Shutdown Mode...and look forward to the next season of patio enjoyment.  Wisconsin may have long winters, but here's the nice thing about it:  summer always shows up again eventually.

Let's close with a little video tour of the patio (taken earlier, so you'll note a few subtle changes)....

Blog interviews the Kitchen Armadillo

Today Blog is back with one of his spectacularly exclusive interviews (spectacularly exclusive because no one else on the planet even believes his interviewees are for real). So, without further adieu, meet the newest member of our household: the Kitchen Armadillo!

Blog: And after all, what kitchen is complete without an armadillo?

K.A.: Where I come from, not a one, Senor Blog!

Blog: And tell us where you do hail from, Kitchen Armadillo.

K.A.: From the Great Southwest, Blog…Route 66!

Blog: A plastic armadillo bank from Route 66, imagine that.

K.A.: Boy howdy, not the tiniest speck of irony there, that’s a fact. Anyway, I was bought from one of them dandy gift shops that flank the Mother Road, by Diana’s daughter Katie.

Blog: Ah yes…we heard all about that 4,500-mile trek o’ fun that Katie enjoyed with her boyfriend, Chris. I’m sure she felt you’d be a fine thank-you gift for Momzi and Davie, in return for their catsitting services.

K.A.: Me ‘n’ some fine Route 66 coffee, I hear tell. Anyway, I was chose outta all them fine rememberances like tomahawks ‘n’ arrowheads ‘n’ even the plastic dinosaurs with their fancy hand painting ‘n’ pointy teeth. And the rubber snakes, of course. Yer rubber snakes are as plenty-full on the Six-Six as squished skeeters on a windshield.

Blog: Swell. And you were well received, I take it, having been placed in the kitchen right next to our long-loved Kitchen Lion.

K.A.: Yeppers, right there on the toaster oven and proud to be there. And contrary to the belief of one Mister Professor Sno W. Caps and all his puffery, it ain’t so bad being atop that toaster oven. Ain’t no hotter than the New Mexico desert on a fine July day, I’ll tell the world.

Blog: Beware of melty paws, Kitchen Armadillo.

K.A.: We armadillos are melty resistant, Blog. Gotta be.

Blog: I’m sure. So, do you miss Route 66?

K.A.: A bit, a bit, I’ll admit to it. But at the same time, I was always a small duck in a big pond out there, if you get my meanin’. Awful lotta big stuff on Route 66, makes a regular-sized critter like me feel as ordinary as a sneeze in a dust storm.

Blog: We did see some of Katie’s photos from the trip, and you’re right about that, Kitchen Armadillo. Like that monster blue whale!

K.A.: That’s a big one! That’s a mighty big one! Makes me want to ball right up in a ball, seeing that pitchur!

Blog: Well, if I weren’t non-corporeal, I’d be tempted to ball up too.

K.A.: So you see how a critter’d get one of them im-feely-orietty complexes! Everybody and his cousin Slim hops off the highway to see that big thing. But put a plastic armadillo bank on the side o’ the road and them cars just zip on by.

Blog: I see what you mean.

K.A.: Don’t have to be a big critter, either. Just make some big thing and out come the cam’ras. Like them big ole arrows. Arrow can’t hop or roar or even ball up like an armadillo, but make it big enough and you got yourself a spot on the map, Senor Blog.

Blog: So you’re saying size matters.

K.A.: Oh yeah, on the Mother Road it do. Not so much about the HO trains and dollhouses there, Bucko. Teeny tiny maybe they got out East, but on 66, that stuff is as rare as pink on a mule deer.

Blog: I confess I kind of like the dinosaurs.

K.A.: You ‘n’ every pole cat from Delaware! Dinos, dinos, everybody wants to see the dinos! Even worse since ’85.

Blog: What happened in ’85?

K.A.: That movie with that runty bow-tied critter. Pee Wee Herman. Big splash for the big dinosaurs on Route 66. If I had a grub for every time some tourist said “Large Marge sent me,” well, you could call ME Large Marge.

Blog: Well, it seems to me this is a bit of a sore spot. Might be better to look to the future. I’m sure you’ll be getting a fresh start in the kitchen, and you can be sure there’s nothing huge living in there.

K.A.: Ya know, that’s been real refreshin’. The Kitchen Lion’s mighty small for a lion, and Proff Snowcaps ain’t real big for a snowman neither. Not that I ever seen a snowman or snow in the part of the Road where I lived.

Blog: Oh, it’s coming, don’t you worry.

K.A.: And them three cats are pretty much cat-sized. I like cats. They know how to ball up, which is a skill I believe all fine animules oughta know.

Blog: I’m thinking that pointing out how it’s impossible for a molded plastic armadillo to ball up might be a mistake…

K.A.: What’s that you say, Blog?

Blog: Not a thing. So, have you and the Kitchen Lion found some things in common, sitting there together on the toaster oven?

K.A.: Well, we did find out we both started out in a big ole bin o’ other lions or armadillos. The gift shop scene. Both been pawed over by young’uns with hands all sticky from eatin’ peanut butter cups in the car. Both been on the bottom of the pile, both been on the top. Both got similar phil-oserfies about life.

Blog: Really? What’s your philosophy about life?

K.A.: Life is like a big ole bin o’ plastic souvenirs: if a sticky-fingered kid don’t pick you out today, just ball up and wait fer tomorrow.

Blog: Profound, Kitchen Armadillo, very profound.

K.A.: Oh, I got more profoundities than the Mother Road got giant dinos, Senor.

Blog: Well, welcome to the family, and keep those paws safe.

Blog interviews the cake-like thing

I'm so embarrassed to even talk about this, I'm just going to defer to Blog tonight.  He's here to report to you on the Saga of the Cake-Like Thing:

Blog:  Well, a lot of really weird $#!+ went down in Magic House this evening, if you pardon my departing from my usual AP Stylebook-type language.  Cake-Like Thing, what exactly are you, anyway?

CLT:  I'm a labor of love, Blog, a labor of love.  You see, last weekend was Davie's birthday, and Diana forgot to get him a cake.  She felt bad tonight when they were driving home from dinner, so she said she'd make him a belated cake.

Blog:  You do resemble a blighted cake, yes.

CLT:  BELATED.

Blog:  Oh.  Sorry.  Go on.

CLT:  So Diana quick found a recipe for chocolate cake online, which she planned to doll up with some extra ingredients and what-not.

Blog:  I'd say the what-not was a mistake.

CLT:  Hold on, Blog, let me tell!  She put together the flour, cocoa, baking powder, sugar, salt, vanilla, water, oil and eggs, and dumped it all in a pan, and put the pan in the oven. 

Blog:  You mean A.B.  The oven's named for Alton Brown, the host of "Good Eats," and Danny Elfman doppleganger.

CLT:  Right.  Whatever.  And then she realized it should have been 3 teaspoons of baking powder, not 3 tablespoons.

Blog:  Uh-oh.

CLT:  Too late though!  And seeing as the real Alton Brown wasn't there to tell her what that signifies from a food chemistry point of view....I was born....

Blog:    Not a cake at all but a...

CLT:  Cake-like THING.

Blog:  So how did you come to look like that?  All...leprous?

CLT:  First I swelled way up.  Then parts of me cascaded down the sides of my pan.  They fell on the oven floor and burned, which meant Diana had to scoop burning chunks of batter out of the oven and fling them into the sink, then rush to run the vile, stinking things down the garbage disposal.  And then she put a protective cookie sheet in the bottom of the oven, which got burning goo on its bottom, and more burning goo on its top. 

Blog:  This is not good.

CLT:  As smoke filled the kitchen, Diana soldiered on making amaretto glaze out of butter, sugar, amaretto and creme de cocoa.

Blog:  Hoping that alcohol might cover a multitude of sins. 

CLT:  She also made frosting out of powdered sugar, more butter, milk, cocoa and more amaretto.

Blog:  Booze and butter, the only hopes of the culinarily incompetent.

CLT:  Yes.  And meanwhile, having puffed up and gushed goo, I now collapsed into a more normal but oddly disfigured size and shape.  The timer went off that I was (supposedly) done baking, and Diana put a toothpick in me to test, praying I was so she could remove me from the violently smoking oven.

Blog:  What happened?  Did the toothpick come out clean, indicating you were done?

CLT:  My top was crispy, but my edges swirled.  Like pudding.

Blog:  Sweet Mary and Joseph!  Your edges swirled?  What did Diana do then?

CLT:  She cranked the oven up and went out to watch the hockey game in the living room.

Blog:  She is really hard core.

CLT:  I know, most women would have fainted.  In the end she decided I was as done as I was going to get, and took me out of the oven.  Then she slathered me with amaretto glaze, cut me into square-like things, put frosting on two of them, and then whipped cream.  Then she chipped some of the hard stuff off the sides of the pan, crumbled it, and sprinkled it on top.

Blog:  And she served you?  What did Davie say?

CLT:  He said...wait for it...that I was delicious.

Blog:  No.

CLT:  Yes!  And in fact, I was delicious!  Can you believe that?  Here's how I would have been described on a dessert menu in a fancy restaurant:

Chocolate Amaretto Decadence

With rich chocolate flavor and textures ranging from chewy to molten, this is more than a cake.  Topped off with scrumptious chocolate amaretto frosting, whipped cream and crispy fudge crumbles, it will overwhelm you with decadent deliciousness! 

Blog:  Well, I don't know what to say!

CLT:  I do--eat me.

Blog:  What?

CLT:  Seriously, try a bite.

Blog:  Say, you ARE delicious!  That's just nuts!

CLT:  Diana dodged a bullet, that's for sure.

Blog:  Is she going to make you again sometime?

CLT:  I don't think it's possible to replicate the combination of open oven door, smoldering goo, and pan shuffling that brought me into existence.  So alas, no, Blog.

Blog:  It's too bad, because you are one tasty cake-like thing, Cake-Like Thing.

CLT:  Thank you.

A quiet spring evening at Magic House

As Blog well knows, "Magic House" is what we call the old homestead here in Tuckaway subdivision, Wisconsin.  On this April night we are fortunate to have the windows open and the place flooded with fresh air.  Davie has to leave for work at 6 a.m. so is already a-bed.  So I decided to capture a few cozy scenes.

Here's a commonplace occurence chez us, Blog:  Cody with his furry face pressed to the screen door.  His hobby is being interrupted by the rude intrusion of Alice.  She won't stay long.

Aaaaand, she's moved on to the food dishes.  Actually, I took this photo to show you two brand new additions to our home.  It's our garbage can and paper recycle bin, Castor and Pollux.  Our old cans were broken long ago but we had not been able to find correct sized replacements anywhere.  Then today Davie came upon this pair at Wal-Mart of all places, and in the perfect red to match the kitchen walls!  C'mon, red garbage cans deserve to be named on that count alone!  And they were only ten bucks each.  Insane.

Here's our renowned scribbler board, on the fridge.  Well, last week I impulse-bought one of those little machines that shaves the pills off sweaters.  I have some VERY pilly sweaters that have been repulsing me lately.  I shaved the black one and it came out great!  Need to do the white one and the blue one next.

And where is that shy little beastie Selke hanging out?  Up in the studio, per usual.  The studio is always uber-cozy at night.

I apologize for the graininess, but this is the view of our patio from the studio window.  One of these weeks we'll be out there at this hour, having a nightcap.  It's almost warm enough tonight.

That's all I got, Blog!  Time for a tiger snooze...goodnight.