A Bird House, as in, if birds built a house

Blog, bird houses and the making thereof are nothing new. But the other night I asked myself, if birds had opposable thumbs and carpentry skills and tiny tools, what sort of houses would they build? The construction would be more elaborate that you see in your typical nest, but wouldn't there still be a bird-ish sense of style? Twigs, twine, bits of found objects? And seriously, how cool would the result be?

This cool:

Yes, I decided to make this daydream come true with my own crafty crafting skills.  What a blast I had too, in the nine hours it took me to construct this Bird House from the ground up.  I dare say I called upon almost every skill, tool, and technique in my repertoire (and also benefited from some lessons I'd learned from previous mistakes).  I'm pretty stoked about the result if I do say so myself.

Here's how it all went down.

First off, I went around the house gathering up all the materials I had on hand that a bird might use if he were some feathered combo of Mike Holmes and Scott MacGillivray. I also perused the neighborhood for twigs and pine cones.  Here's the stash I compiled to your right.

I happen to be a sucker for driftwood, rocks, moss, silk plants, and other natural or faux-natural materials, so I had a lot of that around. I also had things like wood scraps, jar lids, a tiny flower pot, charms, felting wool, potpourri, ribbons, buttons, yada yada.

So, I started with a basic construction plan. For that I needed a sturdy base and some components to serve as a basis for the rooms of the Bird House. I fooled around and ended up with this set of items that looked like they would work.

That dome on the left is a broken wine glass. I was really sad when I found the glass had broken on the way home from our vacation, but it occurred to me to save it in case it would come in handy one day.  A couple months later...heck yeah! (I should mention here that I'm not as huge a packrat as I seem--all my craft equipment, tools and supplies would fit easily in a medium size closet if consolidated.) I got to employ my Dremel tool to do a little woodworking, always a thrill!

Now, how to make these items look like bird construction materials.... Well, one polymer clay technique in my arsenal is the making of faux wood.

Here are "veneer" sheets ready to be applied to the boxes. I also had some leftover faux marble-like stuff that was a good fit for the project. So here's the main box covered with faux wood, with a stone and wood door with iron hardware added.

The lump on the side is a piece of stick mounted in place, which was to support the patio deck. I really had to apply my engineering skills a few times during this project.

And here to the right is the wine glass, which I confess worked out even better than I hoped. I cut windows in the clay on both sides so the light would shine all the way through.

Now of course it's nice to vary the building materials a bit. I thought it would be cool to have some stone walls, but I didn't want the rocks to be falling out all the time. So I reasoned that birds might make the walls of mud and small rocks mixed together, so I went for that. I'm not gonna lie, Blog--doing this on the four sides of this room took a very long time. Anyway, here's the room with just mud, and a doorway cut in the front of the box.

I also covered the jar lid with the same stone stuff as the front door, and applied some wood vines to the jar itself. Everything was ready to bake at last. While the pieces were in the oven, I fixed up my little flower pot with fake dirt and flowers. I also used resin in one of the jar lids to look like water, and glued birdseed in the other lid. The oven timer went off...

Not bad, but I wanted to add a mossy look to my faux wood. You know Blog, like the actual sticks I was using had. So, I used Swellegant faux finish for this; the copper paint turns green, so it worked like a charm. Meanwhile, I also added rust patina to the door hardware.

I gathered all the key components, hammer and nails, and my Gorilla Glue and went to town putting everything together. Here it is, the basic construction of the Bird House:

Now, you see in that shot that I already did some festooneries on the jar. I mounted a tea light inside the lid (with a cunning design of rubber bands and electrical tape). I put some moss in the bottom and settled in my little bird's nest from a previous project. Voila, an incubation room to provide relief to a busy bird mom! Ribbons and a pine cone finished it off--for now, anyway. You also see I used a mushroom Christmas ornament to top off the wine glass. It has an opening in it, and inside I tucked a little cushion of moss.

So, after a break for dinner and TV with Davie, it was time to come back and do the rest of the festoonery. Now this is the truly fun part! I got out my white wood glue and my Superglue, and went to town--as you will see in the detail shots here.

Mama bird is from the aforementioned previous project. And here you see how the mud-and-rock wall came out. Some sticks, a potpourri pine-coney thing, ribbon, moss, and a golden leafy vine charm compliment the beauty of the wall. Inside the room is some comfy, curly wool...this is, after all, the master bedroom.

Atop this room is the windowed cupola, candlelit inside for cozy reading or billing and cooing. It's crowned with the mushroom playhouse, currently occupied by the resident family's fledgling daughter. Festooneries here include twine and fungus, neat.

Talk about curb--er--branch appeal...check out the front door of the bird house's "great room." I framed up this part of the building with pretty sticks and a stately pine cone. The rosebuds and little seed cluster thingies were in my potpourri bag. I made a "wreath" from a button and some ribbon. And the welcome mat is flower petals.

Here's the final shot of the nursery. Moss conceals the glue around the pine cone topper, and decorates the base. I think you can tell, Blog, how much I dig moss.

Closeup of the nest. The eggs and sticks are polymer clay, and I also used bits of thread to construct the nest.  Chip away, little hatchlings!

The patio is a great place to entertain guests, or just relax and refresh. The family can enjoy water and food in a spacious setting framed out in rustic sticks, and resplendent with greenery and a collection of beautiful stones and raw gems. Here the daddy bird, also previously made, enjoys a drink in the shade of the potted plant.

Beneath the patio is the leaf swing, a real leaf (from the potpourri) hung on twine ropes. A great place to "hang out."

Of course I had to make sure the back of the house was also attractive--don't want the neighbors to have a boring view!  By the way, the toppers on those two tall sticks were more weird natural items from the potpourri bag...no idea what they are, but they look nice!

Here's a close up of the back wall. Tiles leftover from our bar backsplash project fit right in with the faux wood, and support more clumps and dangles of fun moss.

The Bird House looks uber-cozy by night.

The candle flickers in the cupola room.

And the eggs stay cozy in the nursery.

















And here, Blog, is the Bird House as a centerpiece in our dining room. I'm expecting the birds on our patio to be pounding on the patio doors asking for a home tour.  You know, like aviary House Hunters.

So, Blog, that's the story of what happens when our feathered friends meet HGTV. At least the way we imagine it here at Magic House....

[For larger resolution images, see my Flickr feed.

New clothes for I.C.U.

Blog, during Davie's and my little trip to Madison last Friday, I lost the cloth case that has been my camera's protective clothing for the several years I've had him. Poor, naked little guy. So I had to come up with a new get-up for I.C.U. post haste.

What specifically to do was pretty much a no-brainer to someone who has a huge pile of felt and a huge box of buttons. Please don't think I was clever enough to come up with this idea myself. Many more have done so before me, as a search for "camera case" on Etsy.com will reveal.  At any rate, I think it turned out pretty button.

The trickiest part of my sharing I.C.U.'s new outfit with you was the fact that, well, he can't take a photo of himself wearing it! Obviously! I had to call in 'Berry, my phone, to be substitute photographer. When I saw the pictures that 'Berry took, I realized how much better a papparazzo I.C.U. is. Well, what part of "Your camera will take better photos than your phone" is counterintuitive, Blog?

So the top photo in this post had to be I.C.U.'s picture of the case without him wearing it. Before you decide to post a comment about how 'Berry's pics are almost as good, please be informed that I had to photoshop the heck out of them to fix the colors, brightness, contrast, etc. So what you're seeing is actually a demonstration of my amazing Photoshop skills.  Oh yes, I do rock.  (Um, sorry.)

And really, should we be overly concerned about my phone's ego? After all, he's the one who can get to the Web almost anywhere, download my email, check in to Facebook, and play Bubble Chain.  I.C.U. doesn't do anything but take pictures, so he damn well better do it well.

And now, thanks to my huge pile of felt and huge box of buttons, he can do it in clothes again.  Well...actually...that's not true, as I just proved.  But you know what I mean, Blog.

Channeling my inner David Bromstad

Blog, you (and husband Davie) are painfully aware at how long I have been tortured about the furniture arrangement in the living room of Magic House.  I have obsessed for years about what to do with this room.

The living room is quite big, and configured in such a way that only one arrangement of the home theater--possibly the most important element of our entire home--is feasible.  Likewise, there was only one good way to place my desk--possibly the second most important element of our home, at least for fans of my books, since that's where they happen.  We were left with a big, wasted area of floor space, some 80 square feet that served no purpose except for being the spot where I learned the "Rock Your Body" aerobic hip-hop dance.

It was very frustrating for me to watch HGTV's talented designers on TV (which I do about 857,208 hours per week) and know that they would be able to glance around our living room for maybe 20 seconds and say, "Obviously you just need to move that lamp, that potted plant, and those pictures and knickknacks, buy yourselves a [mystery item], a [mystery item], and a [mystery item], and it'll look fabulous!

Yes, I lost hours of sleep over this.  Yes, I came up with one idea after another only to reject them.  Yes, I drove Davie nuts.

Finally this week I took myself aside and said, "Listen, Birdbrain--just find a way to channel your inner David Bromstad and solve this!  Haven't you watched him for like 375,802 hours by now?"  Yes, I voted for David when he competed in 2006's "HGTV Design Star" and have watched his show "Color Splash" ever since. 

[Side note, had I been able instead to channel my inner Matt Locke, who came in second in 2008, I would have done that.  He's my design idol, and I'm thrilled to say, is now a friend as well.  But Matt didn't get his own show--yet!--so I haven't watched him for 375,802 hours yet.]

So, I reached down deep into my psyche, seeking a ripped gay man with a great smile, amazing artistic talents, and fabutastic design sense....

And gosh 'n' begorrah, it came to me.  PLUS we had a 10% off coupon for your entire purchase at World Market.

So, we just moved one lamp, the fake tree (slightly), and shifted some pictures and knickknacks, and bought ourselves a papasan chair, a matching footrest, and a small side table, and it looks fabulous!  Cost:  $185.  I can hear Vern Yip, Candice Olson, and Genevieve Gorder in a chorus, crying "This space is button!!!"

Putting the chair there was not the idea that fixed everything.  It was the footrest.  We just needed something that extended a bit into the space.  It also helped getting a chair that was round and contrasted strongly with the squarish couch, so it didn't in any way tie in visually with the home theater zone of the room.  The wood color and cushions match the bookcase, my desk, and my desk chair, bringing the grouping together.

Surprise bonuses:  a nice view of the patio, and the possibility of watching Hulu on my PC comfortably.  Best of all, it is super, super comfy-cozy for reading...and the light from the tree is actually enough to read by on my nook!

Problem solved at last.  Davie no longer has to listen to me fretting and brainstorming. 

And I knew one day those 857,208 hours per week of watching HGTV would pay off, Blog....

Bizarradore Mash-Up Day

Blog, I am sitting here at home waiting for Milwaukee Water Works to shut off the water main, so Bobby the Plumber can repair our broken water valve.  In the meantime, no H2O.  I can think of no better way to cheer myself up than to combine the awesome concepts of bizarradore and mash-up, making an even more awesome concept, the Bizarradore Mash-up!

First up, let's combine Easter Island Heads (which are endlessly entertaining)

with eclipses!

No, not THAT kind of eclipse.  I mean when the moon blocks the sun and stuff.  Resulting mash-up:

This gorgeous photo brought to you by Astronomy Picture of the Day.  You should subscribe, it's fantastic!

I feel a little better already, Blog.

Now for a never-fail bizarradore mash-up.  Of course I bizarradore funny pictures of cats.  And likewise, I adore putting stuff on the heads of cats.  So of course life is even better when you have several funny pictures of a cat with stuff on its head!

From the awesome folks at ICanHasCheezburger.  Again, you should read it daily, like Blog and I do.  [ADDENDUM the next day:  For a ridonkulous number of fabulous pictures of this cat with stuff on its head, see this composite. Don't forget to click enlarge if your browser requires it!]

And lastly, what modern artist is more amazing than M.C. Escher...

Meanwhile, what toy is cooler than Legos:

Therefore, your head just might explode from this:

Now that is button.  But wait, there's more!  Let's mash-up the concept above with something even awesomer, like SPACE!  Then the result is this!!!

An Escher-style Lego space station!  It's the work of Alex Eylar aka Profound Whatever, publicized by Lego fans The Brothers Brick, and brought to my attention by the fab blog Great White Snark, which you should read daily for no other reason than that it has one of the coolest blog names ever.  Except of course for you, Blog.

Wow, thanks to the Interwebs, we have had a very day-brightening experience with this Bizarradore Mash-up.  Randometer is happy, Blog is happy, I am happy...and I hope you're a little happier too.

Mums, buttons, Japan...random

Blog, I got in some hot water with the Randometer for yesterday's post.  Just not random enough to qualify, to his way of thinking.  So I am determined to please him today by bringing up the three randomest things I can think of.

RANDOM THING 1

In my blog perusals this morning I came upon a post in The Artful Crafter about homecoming mums.  It seems unbeknownst to me, there is this tradition in certain parts of the southern U.S.  In these places, homecoming mums are not the simple flowers we wore for that occasion when I was in high school.  No, they are homemade extravaganzas contrived of pompoms, ribbons, stuffed animals, etc. that to me resemble what would happen if you ate a Michaels store too fast and regurgitated a sort of crafty-hairball.  As you can see in the photo, Blog, these dealies are not tasteful nor even especially wearable.  They certainly must outweigh one's homecoming dress. 

I found this page from back in 2007 when moms in Plano, Texas were selling homecoming mums, and being the high-tech sort of Texans, made themselves a web page to advertise their wares.  "Buy your mums and garters from the Planoettes’ Bootbackers Booster Club Mum Moms in the school cafe during lunch," reads the ad.  I dare you to say that three times fast, Blog.  It also instructs "Look for the Mum Moms!"  This is all out of the realm of my Wisconsin experience, but I'm guessing the "Mum Moms" would be easy to spot.  Readers who have indulged in this tradition, do share.  I need firsthand comfirmation this is really happening.  And that the boys wear them too (?).

RANDOM THING 2

Readers recall when I determined to invent a new word and see that it became famous.  Well, I can't say that bizarradore has hit the big time yet.  Never you fear though, Blog...last night Davie and I came up with another idea to try.

We were watching "Colorsplash" with David Bromstad on HGTV.  At the same time, we both thought David had referred to some whimsical decor item as "button."  As in, "Ooh, that's button!"  We're both pretty sure he actually said "fun," but felt strongly that "button" would have been more fun.  So now we're trying to see if we can get button to catch on.

There are not degrees of button, so you can't say "that's totally button."  There's no opposite of button either, so you can't say, "that is so not button."  You CAN simply say, "That's button," or "I think you're button," or "This cake is button."

Think middle-class, white, middle-aged translation of the slang term "buck," and you should do fine with it.  And if we can get the rappers and krumpers to use the term "button," well...that would be button.

RANDOM THING 3

Davie found this video the other day on the website WTF Japan Seriously.  First of all, what could be more random than a website called "WTF Japan Seriously"?  Random, and yet justified, if you have been exposed at all to the insanity that is Japanese game shows.  Anyway, this one really takes the cake.  It is rated for mature audiences not because it's truly racy, but because the point of the game show, apparently, is to "not ram the boobs."  I mean that so very literally.  If you don't believe me, watch.



Blog, I can confirm that that just sent Randometer off the chart.  Thank you, Japan.  You have outdone Texas, and for that we say, you're button.