You're the Top!

Blog, I've been having a busy week that hasn't always gone right.  And when not everything goes right, it's time to think of something you really bizarradore!  I double dog dare you NOT to bizarradore the Cole Porter song "You're the Top." 

The words, the tune, the sentiments of two people trying to one-up each other in their compliments--how can you not be cheered by this song?  It was written in 1934 for the Broadway musical "Anything Goes," and my fave version was performed by Patti Lupone and Howard McGillin in the 1987 Broadway revival.  Just click the You Tube thingy for audio and then follow along with the smashing lyrics below....

At words poetic, I'm so pathetic
That I always have found it best,
Instead of getting 'em off my chest,
To let 'em rest unexpressed.
I hate parading my serenading
As I'll probably miss a bar,
But if this ditty is not so pretty
At least it'll tell you how great you are.

You're the top!
You're the Coliseum.
You're the top!
You're the Louvre Museum.
You're a melody from a symphony by Strauss.
You're a Bendel bonnet,
A Shakespeare sonnet,
You're Mickey Mouse.
You're the Nile,
You're the Tower of Pisa,
You're the smile on the Mona Lisa.
I'm a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop,
But if, baby, I'm the bottom you're the top!

Your words poetic are not pathetic.
On the other hand, babe, you shine,
And I can feel after every line
A thrill divine
Down my spine.
Now gifted humans like Vincent Youmans
Might think that your song is bad,
But I got a notion
I'll second the motion
And this is what I'm going to add:

You're the top!
You're Mahatma Gandhi.
You're the top!
You're Napoleon Brandy.
You're the purple light
Of a summer night in Spain,
You're the National Gallery
You're Garbo's salary,
You're cellophane.
You're sublime,
You're turkey dinner,
You're the time of the Derby winner.
I'm a toy balloon that’s fated soon to pop.
But if, baby, I'm the bottom,
You're the top!

You're the top!
You're an Arrow collar.
You're the top!
You're a Coolidge dollar.
You're the nimble tread
Of the feet of Fred Astaire,
You're an O'Neill drama,

You're Whistler's mama!

You're camembert.

You're a rose,
You're Inferno's Dante,

You're the nose
On the great Durante.
I'm just in the way,
As the French would say, "de trop."
But if, baby, I'm the bottom,
You're the top!

You're the top!
You're a dance in Bali.
You're the top!
You're a hot tamale.
You're an angel, you,
Simply too, too, too diveen,
You're a Boticcelli,
You're Keats,

You're Shelly!

You're Ovaltine!
You're a boom.
You're the dam at Boulder.
You're the moon,
Over Mae West's shoulder.
I'm a nominee of the G.O.P.

Or GOP!

But if, baby, I'm the bottom,
You're the top!

You're the top!
You're a Waldorf salad.
You're the top!
You're a Berlin ballad.
You're the boats that glide
On the sleepy Zuider Zee,
You're an old Dutch master.

You're Lady Astor!

You're broccoli!
You're romance.
You're the steppes of Russia.
You're the pants on a Roxy usher.
I'm a broken doll, a fol-de-rol, a blop.
But if, baby, I'm the bottom,
You're the top!

So, so fun, Blog!  Get out your tap shoes!  Oh, I suppose a non-corporeal anthropomorphized being might not own tap shoes.  Oh well...  I only wish there was a visual of Patti and Howard performing on Broadway, but in lieu of that, here's a video that's not too shabby in its own right.  It's Cary Grant and Ginny Simms performing a shorter version of "You're the Top" in the 1946 film "Night and Day."

Now, if you aren't as ancient as I am and are stumped by a few of the references in the song, the folks at Wikipedia have been kind enough to link to info on everything mentioned (including a few things from other versions).

So, Blog and readers, if you're looking for a way to brighten your day, tell a friend "You're the top!"  Or, try writing your own verse like I did here, proclaiming what I think about YOU!

You're the top!

You're a fresh-baked cruller.
You're the top!
You're a Bromstad color.
You're a secret code in an episode of Lost.
You're an Idol winner,
A Chef Flay dinner,
You're permafrost.
You're the Thing,
You're a cute-faced LOLcat,
You're the swing of a hot baseball bat.
I'm a hopeless drip, a plop that just won't stop,
But if, baby, I'm the bottom you're the top!

You know, that's not as easy as it looks, Blog....

Let's share the covers

Blog, I think the Randometer will appreciate that today I am randomly posting on the subject of song covers. Why? I guess I was thinking how much I like covers as a concept. I mean, you start with a great song and then find a cool way to reinterpret it. That just makes for yet another great song!  What's not to bizarradore about that?

To see my love of covers, all you have to do is look at the contents of Ipo my iPod. Like I have “Jump” by Van Halen and “Jump” by the cast of Glee. I even like it when the same artist as the original artist does it. Like Ipo has both the original of Bryan Adams’ “Heaven” and the acoustic version he did for MTV.

For some reason I find it uber-cool to take a song and preserve the basics of it, but transform it into a whole new sound. One easy way to do that is simply to have a person of the other gender record it. I think Joan Jett and the Blackhearts may have actually topped Tommy James and the Shondells when in 1981 they revamped the 1969 hit “Crimson and Clover.” I’m sorry, but the hotness factor went way up. If you don’t believe me, watch the video:



A similar thing happened in what I think has to be one of the best covers ever, the Bangles 1987 re-do of Simon and Garfunkel’s 1968 hit “Hazy Shade of Winter.” Well, that happens to be my favorite S&G song in the first place. So it just shows if you take a fabulous song and use the tools of your generation’s music to make it your own, great results occur. Start with the original:



And check out the Bangles:



Sometimes it works to take a song and give it a completely new spin, and both the Randometer and I love it when that happens, Blog. I had the fun of thinking about that quite a bit when I wrote my novel Looking on Darkness. One of the characters is a jazz singer who likes to do crazy covers. For example, in one scene she performs Norman Greenbaum’s “Spirit in the Sky” as a reggae number.

In that regard I love the following two covers. If there’s anyone out there familiar with the musical “Oliver!”, you may recall one of the big radio hits from that show, “As Long as He Needs Me.” It was sung straight up as a slow, plaintive, melodramatic ballad both in the musical and by the various people who covered it. But last year my Broadway idol Jason Danieley did a cover with his band that is all jaunty and chipper but for reasons I cannot quite figure, is completely awesome that way. Give it a listen on this page.

But nothing tops the insanity of the Manhattan Transfer’s reinterpretation of the slow, passionate Righteous Brothers ballad “Unchained Melody.” If you do nothing else today, Blog, click on this link and listen to it. It’s like some nutty cowboy song or something. Who knows what they were on when they recorded it. Fantastic.

Sometimes covers are not so separated by time and style as these examples, as I will now illustrate, Blog. Last year I discovered the incredibly awesome version of “Our Lips are Sealed” by Fun Boy Three, which to my mind is eons cooler than the famous version by The Go-Go’s. Well, it seems the song was actually co-written by Go-Go’s guitarist Jane Wiedlin AND Terry Hall of Fun Boy Three. And the latter version came out only a year after the former. So, it was a fascinating case of artists collaborating and then performing a song separately in their own unique ways.

In closing, enjoy it--one of my favorite covers ever.



Have your own favorite cover song? Sing out in the comments! Randometer says you must!

Stuff I bizarradore, Volume 3

Blog, you remember how Julie Andrews tells us when we're sad, we should think about our favorite things, right?  Well, today is therefore a good day for bizzaradores, because the series finale of Lost left me feeling pretty dang blue.  Not sayin' I didn't love it, 'cause I sure did.  Just sayin', well...Big Fat Sigh.  So, without further ado, some nice, cheering stuff I bizarradore:

Hockey player toughness

Yesterday was hardly a total bummer, Blog.  While we lost a favorite TV series, we gained an NHL Western Conference Champion.  The Magic House fave hockey team, the Chicago Blackhawks, swept the San Jose Sharks in four games to earn a berth in the Stanley Cup finals for the first time in 18 years.  (The last time they won the Cup, Davie was 11 days old.)  One of the game's heroes was Duncan Keith, who besides having one of the most awesome names ever, is probably the team's best defenseman.  Duncan got hit in the face by a puck and lost seven teeth, one of which he almost choked on.  He missed seven minutes of the game.  Only seven minutes.  Only in hockey do you see that kind of pain tolerance and dedication.  Read how nonchalant Duncan was about it all on this hilarious report from the Chicago Sun-Times.

People who read the blog even when there are plenty of other things to be doing

I spent an inordinate about of time on yesterday's post, Blog, when I should have known it was a beautiful May Sunday when the last thing the twelve people who read this blog would feel like devoting time to.  (Oy, I've ended two sentences with prepositions in this post...I really am losing it.)  So I wanted to give a shout out to those devoted fans and followers who actually read our terribly non-insightful ravings on days like that.  Free cuddles with Cody to any one of you anytime you show up at Magic House.

Tiny food

In my perusings as a polymer clay artist, I occasionally come upon one of those groovy people who specialize in tiny, doll-size food. Sometimes I really can't believe their talent. Take, for example, these ridonkulously perfect itty bitty cheeses and crackers. You know the artist has done well when you really, really want to eat the lilliputian stuff. You can see more mini-foods here.

Matthew Morrison singing the national anthem

I'm not sure that in his role as Mr. Schue on "Glee," Matt is getting to show off the full range of awesomeness of which his pipes are capable.  (See, I managed to not end with a prepo there, Blog.  And total awkwardness ensued.)  However, in this anthem sing from the Mets/Yankees game, you get the drift.  Wow.  Is it unpatriotic to want to swoon over "The Star Spangled Banner"?



Pizza with fig spread, prosciutto and gorgonzola

This was the treat daughter Manzi and boyfriend Nate prepared for our Lost Finale gathering of three, and it was so yummy it really soothed the sting of the occasion.  Our readers can whip it up themselves easily:  just a thin coat of fig spread on a pre-crisped thin crust, topped with bits of prosciutto and crumbles of gorgonzola, then baked a bit more to melt the cheese.

Ben Linus

I've said it before, I'll say it again, and I certainly must say it the day after bidding him farewell:  I love Ben.  He's so much more than just the most beat-up character in TV history.  He's so easy to love as well as to fear, hate, pity and lust after.  (I don't give a crap about that prepo, Blog--I'm in mourning, gol' dang it!)  How did you manage that, Lost writers Damon and Carlton?  How can you be so amazing, Michael Emerson?  How am I going to get along with you, Benjamin Linus? 

Okay, Blog, okay...I'm not going to cry again, here.  Ben and his fellow Losties will live on in our hearts 4evah, and that's what really matters.  Let's sing another rousing chorus of "Here Come the Hawks" and keep those chins held high!

TV Mash-Up Party!

Blog, in honor of starting a fresh new week, I thought why not have a party? Just because it’s Monday we shouldn’t be festive? Hells no. So, in the great tradition of our fabulous mash-up parties, today we’re going to do TV show mash-ups! Wahoo!

Grab some cheese puffs and an amaretto stone sour, Blog, and listen to how we play: Imagine combining two TV shows as disparate in theme as possible, and write a fun episode description for the ensuing result. Upload to the online guide of your favorite cable or satellite TV affiliate and enjoy! Well, unless you’re a hacker of supreme skills, you’ll have to skip that last part. We’ll start with Davie’s idea (which started it all, so blame him), and take it from there.

“House Hunters” / “V”

Tyler and Lisa elect to join the “Live Aboard Program” and find a place together on the Visitors’ Mother Ship. Will they find a home with all the amenities they’re looking for?

“So You Think You Can Dance” / “Kate Plus Eight”

Auditions for the Top 20 continue; fresh off her gig on “Dancing with the Stars,” Kate Gosselin coaches the twins and sextuplets in the hopes they can flout the age requirement and compete.

“Clean House” / “American Pickers”

Niecy and the gang find a couple in rural Oklahoma whose marriage is collapsing under the weight of their hoarding of bicycles and oil cans. Mike and Frank intervene in the nick of time by buying their entire yard sale.

“Mythbusters” / “True Blood”

Adam and Jamie test the myth that a shapeshifter of average human size can turn himself into a fly; the Build Team experiments with how much vampire blood is safe to use to cure a gunshot wound.

“Breaking Bad” / “Bobby Flay Throwdown”

Bobby takes on the expert team of Walter White and Jesse Pinkman to determine who can cook the best crystal meth. Can he concoct a recipe that will please like the boys’ “blue meth”?

“Glee” / “Law and Order”

Mr. Schue takes the glee club on a field trip to Broadway, only to find them mixed up in the investigation of who was responsible for axing a famous crime show. The kids perform covers of Jerry Orbach’s hits including “Try to Remember” and “Lullaby of Broadway.”

“HDTV’s Design Star” / “Deadliest Catch”

The contestants have three days to do complete makeovers on the crab boats, while the deadly waters of the Bering Sea and wildly conflicting tastes of the captains threaten the survival of décor and designers alike.

“House” / “Ace of Cakes”

The Charm City Cakes crew is bummed when Duff succumbs to a mysterious disease that makes him gobble gum paste. House suddenly realizes the cause while making cracks about Geoff’s amazing Princeton Plainsboro Hospital cake.

“Holmes on Homes” / “Lie to Me”

When Mike Holmes recruits the services of the Lightman Group to help naïve Canadian homeowners, Cal helps a retired schoolteacher prove faulty insulation led to the death of her schnauzer.

“Mad Men” / “Lost” / “30 Rock”

Don Draper’s secret past as Dick Whitman is threatened when Jacob travels back to 1963 to urge him to admit his life is a lie. Ben turns the donkey wheel and the resulting time disruption propels Don to an alternative timeline in 2010 where he is now a handsome but dopey pediatrician named Drew Baird.

C’mon, readers, join in the TV mash-up party! We know you have an idea or two, so share them in the comments. Or challenge Blog and I to link your two fave shows in an awesome mash-up!

MAY 25 UPDATE

Glad to see Brewster Rockit is getting in on the TV mash-up fun:

Blog dares interview me a second time

On March 2, as you may recall, Blog, you interviewed me, and there were twice the requested number of haha box clickers who voted for an encore.

This is that encore.

Blog: Okay, what sort of theme do we have for the interview today, Diana?

Me: I’d like to demonstrate a general principle that you discussed in your interview with the Internet the other day, that being that you, Blog, are not autonomous.

Blog: And that I am really only an extension of your own will and opinions?

Me: Exactly.

Blog: Cosmic. Let’s begin. What’s new with you?

Me: Well, this week I’ve been really enjoying the updates daughter Katie has been sending from the road as she travels Route 66 with her boyfriend. Quite an awesome vacay. I was so inspired in fact that I made up a new word: vacayrious. As in “Vacayrious enjoyment is almost as good as taking the trip oneself.”

Blog: That’s bizarradorable.

Me: Thanks. Anyway, Route 66 rocks. Check out this photo Katie uploaded to Facebook of the famed Blue Whale of Catoosa.

Blog: What the f?

Me: I’ll field that question, Blog. A guy called Hugh Davis built the Blue Whale in the early 1970s as a gift to his wife, who collected whale figurines. The Blue Whale and its pond became Nature’s Acres, a popular Route 66 roadside attraction. By 1988, the Davises were not able to continue managing it, so the park fell into disrepair. But ten years later the people of Catoosa, OK and employees of the Hampton Inn restored it.

Blog: Hooray! Oh, don’t you just love nostalgia?

Me: Indeed I do. Which segues nicely into a great film I saw this week, “Taking Woodstock.”

Blog: Hmm, you know, it does segue nicely, almost as if it were all part of a sinister plan…what are you up to?

Me: I just think it’s interesting that the last day of Woodstock, August 18, 1969, was my thirteenth birthday. I like to boast that I passed through puberty during the Summer of Love.

Blog: T.M.I., Diana.

Me: Around that time I seriously crushed on the two longhaired guys who wrote and starred in the musical “Hair.” And all these years later while watching “Taking Woodstock,” I found myself amusingly attracted to the actor who played famous Woodstock organizer Michael Lang, with his fabulous 60’s ‘fro.

Blog: Ah, I see you mean Jonathan Groff, star of Broadway’s “Spring Awakening.”

Me: Yes, ironic in view of my own 1969 “spring awakening.”

Blog: Nice euphemism. And isn’t he currently guest starring on “Glee”?

Me: Yes, the very emotion I frequently felt when I was thirteen. And still feel when I look at Jonathan Groff.  Especially when he sings. 

Blog: Okay, Aging Teeny-Bopper, let’s get back to the movie. Was it good?

Me: Indeed. I particularly loved Liv Schreiber’s portrayal of Vilma, a cross-dressing Vietnam vet with a heart of gold.

Blog: Well, I can’t imagine a movie that couldn’t be improved by the inclusion of a cross-dressing Vietnam vet with a heart of gold--wait a tick, is THAT Liv Schreiber?

Me: Yup.

Blog: Would it be wrong of me to say he’s kind of attractive in drag?

Me: Better you than me.

Blog: But I thought this interview was about how I’m just an extension of you!

Me: Hmmm, what does it all mean? Hey, my excuse is that Liv Schreiber is always attractive.

Blog: Riiiiight. Maybe we could digress awhile from your, um, interesting fascinations.

Me: Certainly. I did want to bring up a weird thought I had, pondering the movie. Play along with me here, Blog and readers. Think of a memory you had, say, 25 years ago. That was about the time I coped with living in the rural boondocks of Iowa by obsessing about Rick Springfield, who was on “General Hospital” and had just released “Jesse’s Girl.”

Blog: Wow, that is awhile ago!

Me: So, pick your old memory and think how long ago it seems. Now think about how in 25 years you’ll be feeling that same exact nostalgia about what’s happening to you RIGHT NOW.

Blog: You mean, writing this blog with you?

Me: Yes!

Blog: Cosmic.

Me: I know!

Blog: And you managed to sneak in a fifth celebrity crush.

Me: Who’s counting?

Blog: I think you just wanted me to ask you about your celebrity crushes, this whole time!!!

Me: Since you asked, Duncan Keith.

Blog: Who’s Duncan Keith?

Me: My latest celebrity athlete crush. The All Star defenseman and Norris Trophy nominee from the Chicago Blackhawks.

Blog: And did I ask?

Me: Not really.

Blog: I’m beginning to feel like I have no control whatsoever over this interview.

Me: Q.E.D., Blog...Q.E.D.*

*An acronym of the Latin phrase quod erat demonstrandum, which means “that which was to be demonstrated.” The term was invented long before texting became popular, but feel free to use it on your smartphone anytime.

MAY FLOWER CHALLENGE FINAL REMINDER

Okay, people, the May Flower post is this Saturday, so submit your images by day’s end Wednesday! Anything featuring flowers or plant life is acceptable! Photography, crafts, art work, food, heck we’ll even take poetry! Email to me at dianalaurence @ wi.rr.com (without the spaces). Otherwise I will send Guido, the guy on my payroll who breaks knees, to your house. J/K. Probably.

Mash-Up Party!

Yes, Blog and I are throwing a Mash-Up Party today! Why? Because it’s a random Wednesday in March!

We first learned about mash-ups from “Glee,” in which Mr. Schuester (aka Matthew Morrison) teaches the glee club kids about combining two disparate songs into one interesting new blend. Let’s get this party started with his mash-up of “Young Girl” (Gary Puckett again!) and “Don’t Stand So Close to Me.” (Please consider the Spanish captions as just part of your Mash-Up Party Experience.)



Ooh, Schue, you mash my world. Anyway, let’s get our mash-up on. You may be thinking of some popular, commonplace mash-ups like CHEESE plus HAT equals CHEESE HEAD:

Or perhaps CHEESE plus HEAD equals HEADCHEESE:

But no, my friends. When Blog and I partay à la mash-up, we turn the dial way up on the Randometer. Blog and I mean CHEESECAKE plus HAT equals THIS THING:

Or, you may be thinking of BUBBLE GUM MACHINE plus COCKATIEL equals TOM SERVO:

But we mean TOM SERVO plus CROCHET equals THIS THING:

Is your head spinning yet? That’s because it’s A MASH-UP PARTY! So mix yourself up a wapatuli (that’s a little of everything in your liquor cabinet), fill your head with mashed-up thoughts, and join with us in the Mash-Up Party Song:

It’s a mash-up party, baby--ooh ooh ooh!
Join our mash-up party baby,
let’s mash up me and you!
The Randometer is off the scales,
and our brains are flying off the rails,
It’s a mash-up party, baby--ooh ooh ooh!

At our mash-up party baby, we’ll do a brand new twist,
We’ll scream “Cheese head! Headcheese! Cheese head!”
till the neighbors all get pissed!
The Randometer is off the chain,
We’ve got wapatuli on the brain,
It’s a mash-up party, baby--ooh ooh ooh!

SING THE BRIDGE!

When life has got us down,
And everything looks blue,
There’s a super easy way to cope,
Mix some red in with that blue
(AND GET PURPLE!)

And if that seems random--ooh ooh ooh!--
it’s a mash-up, baby, and you can do it too.
The Randometer will be your friend,
If you take two things and make a blend.
That’s a mash-up party, baby--ooh ooh ooh!


By George...Blog and I think you’ve got it! Keep that mash-up fever going! And to assist, just meditate on this, a little original concoction from me called AVOCADOS ON ACID!

And tomorrow, we return you to your regularly scheduled normalcy, here on my blog.  Normalcy.  Heh heh heh.