How to have a MacGyver Party!

Blog, for the first time ever I think I've come up with something never before imagined by mankind. The MacGyver Party! I dare anyone to prove I didn't think of this first! Well, enough boasting...it's time now to tell everyone just how they can host their own and wow their friends and family with the amazing fun.

The inspiration for a MacGyver Party is, of course, the hit 80's show about a secret agent whose special talent is creating useful gadgets from everyday items at hand. And that's exactly what you and your guests will do! Here's how it went down at Magic House:

For Christmas I gave each of my daughters a MacGyver Basket. Said basket contained:

1 ticket to MacGyver Lunch
1 sturdy hanger with clips on it (like for pants)
1 "food saver" container
1 CD
1 magnet
1 sports bottle top
1 metal binder clip
1 balloon
2 wine glasses
2 socks (1 pretty, 1 plain)
2 votive candles
Decorative gravel (in baggie)
Kitty litter (in baggie)
Length of yarn

Random, hey blog? What can come of this? Well, that's the fun of it: your guests will be stumped. The other fun of this is that with a little effort you can find everything you need, including the basket, for under $15 a person. Tip: The toughest part for me was finding the sports bottle tops, but I bought them online from Dick's Sporting Goods.

IT'S PARTY TIME OH THE SUSPENSE

So, start the party with some lunch, maybe a couple healthy dishes like Jeff Mauro's Mini Veggie Burgers with Cuke Sauce and BBQ Kale Chips.

After the meal, prepare the table by laying down newspaper or paper bags at each place, to protect the tabletop. Give each person a pair of scissors and a needle big enough for sewing with yarn. Set out Gorilla Glue and clear packing tape to share. In advance you'll also need to prepare the labels you see below, have cookbook, sunglasses, and cell phone handy, and (optional) have a pet toy for each participant who owns a cat or small dog.

So, the girls had their baskets at the ready and it was time to be MacGyverettes!!!



PROJECT #1 - Cookbook Hanger

Get your guests stoked with with the easiest project of all. Tell them to grab their hangers, then take yours and show them how it works in your kitchen...

Yes, that's all there is to it, Blog! The hanger works great to suspend a lightweight cookbook or a recipe or two at whatever handy spot in your kitchen you choose. Wowzers.

PROJECT #2 - Refrigerator Clip / Pet Toy 

Glue the binder clip (I got these pretty ones at Target) to a nice, powerful magnet using Gorilla Glue. Set aside to dry...you'll be able to finish this project up in like a half an hour. The clip works to hang something from your fridge that doesn't hang too well by magnet alone, like thick cardboard.

While you're at the gluing, now's also the time to glue the sports bottle top to the CD, like you see in the photo. (Don't make the mistake we did and try this with superglue. Gorilla Glue is the only adhesive for this job, and make sure the seal is firm and tight all the way around the topper. No need to be neat!)

Back to the Refrigerator Clip: It also works great to attach a pet toy via a piece of the provided yarn, so it will dangle from the fridge door and provide kitties or pups with hours of fun. Man, did our Archie the Three-Legged Cat love it!

PROJECT #3 - Glasses Case

To do this project you'll need to have a rudimentary knowledge of sewing: enough to be able to thread a needle with yarn, tie a knot in the end, and whipstitch an edge. Take your sock, put your sunglasses inside, and trim down the cuff to the desirable length with your scissors.

Whipstitch the edge so it doesn't unravel. Ta-da, an easy case to protect sunglasses or reading glasses from getting scratched in your car, purse or drawer!

PROJECT #4 - Electronic Device Resuscitator

You may never use this thing, Blog, but if you ever have need of it, you'll be SO glad you kept it handy! Take your food saver container, and with clear packing tape apply the label (prepared in advance by the hostess, of course) to the lid. Put the other sock from your basket and the bag of kitty litter inside.

 

Heaven fore-fend you should ever get your phone, iPod, or other gadget wet (like when I dropped my continuous glucose monitor in the toilet)...but if you do, rush to this kit. Dry off the gadget, turn it off if still on, remove the battery, and put gadget and battery inside the sock. Fold it over securely. Dump the litter in the container, bury the sock in it, close the box and leave it overnight. The sock will keep the gadget dust-free, and the litter will absorb all the water. There is a decent chance your device, like my DexCom, will be revived after being reassembled and rebooted!

PROJECT #5 - Wine Glass Candelabra

Decorative gravel, votive candles, and wine glasses combine to make a lovely table decoration, as your guests will see in seconds! Just watch my sleight-of-hand:

Ta-da! Masterfully completed in nanoseconds and ready to inspire romance!

PROJECT #6 - CD Hovercraft

Yes, Blog, I said hovercraft. Let's go back to the sports bottle tops glued to the CDs, and get out our balloons. Simply make sure the top is pushed down (closed)...blow up the balloon and put it over the top securely...set it on a flat surface...and pull up on the top (without pulling off the balloon). Release and watch the fun! Especially if a cat is present!

OMG, what an awesome party this was! Now your guests can pack up their six way cool contrivances in their baskets and go home with new swag and a sense of cleverness and accomplishment! Thanks, Mr. MacGyver, for the inspiration!

And I bet you never heard of anything like this before, didja, Blog?

10 Random Facts Which Are, In Fact, About Me

So, Blog, at the kind invitation of my friend Tameri Etherton, today I am participating in a Ten Random Facts About Me blog thingy. I would have been happy to post Ten Random Facts about You, Blog, if the list was that long. But really, there's not too much we know about you except:

1. You are a disembodied anthropomophized being.

2. You are gender-neutral with a masculine vibe.

3. You occasionally like to interview other anthropomophized beings like our cookie jar, Professor Snowcaps.

And that's about it.

So while I may not be as fascinating as, say, Ashton Kutcher or one of those Jersey Shore peeps, at least we can come up with Ten Random Facts about me, Blog. So tally ho!

1. I can do ecclesiasical embroidery.

2. From 1998 to 2002 I published a weekly ezine called "Hockey Snacks." (Remember those? Today we call it blogging.) It consisted of original humor about the NHL and was hosted by Shinny, aka my right index finger wearing a miniature goalie mask.

3. When I was in the fourth grade I wrote and directed a musical puppet show called "Soggy Wheat." I am truly not making this up...it made sense at the time.

4. When I was in my 30s I taught myself a couple years of piano and composed a theme-and-variations piece for pipe organ which was performed publically (although not by me, because I didn't know how to play the pipe organ).

5. My first celebrity crush was on Michael Rennie as Klaatu in "The Day the Earth Stood Still." That movie was made in 1951 so that gives you a hint how ancient I am. My latest celebrity crush is Christian Kane who plays Eliot Spencer on "Leverage." The only thing they have in common is the ability to kill people at will. I can only speculate on the psychology happening here.

6. I maintain a biligual biographical website about the French Canadian hockey star Guy Carbonneau, which is currently at 316 pages of material. I've talked about it on Quebec radio and TV, in French, even though I am terrible at speaking French and was terrified.

7. I love to make things. The smallest thing I have ever made--it was out of polymer clay--is the blue bird from Angry Birds. For scale, this is my cat Selke with all the Angry Birds.

8. When I was in junior high I mixed cream cheese with green food coloring, made it into balls dusted with cracker crumbs, called them "Moon Marbles" and brought them to my social studies class (which also made sense at the time...sort of). Everyone agreed they were disgusting.

9. When my husband and I were first dating, we invented a sort of death-metal rock band called "Ham Carving." We thought up all the members and their histories, the names of their albums, song lyrics, etc. It was a poor man's Spinal Tap, but we liked our band.

10. I am pretty obsessed with LOL cats and cat videos. Okay, totally obsessed to the point of pathology. I have not succeeded in making a funny cat video of my own yet but I did make this just sort of nice one.

And that, Blog and dear readers, is as the kids say "all I got." Again, I never promised you Ashton Kutcher...and thanks for reading.

Jackson Galaxy said to get a cat tree

And Blog, the man was right.

Davie and I met Jackson Galaxy through Animal Planet, where the cat behaviorist has appeared as a guest many times. Now he has his own fantastic show, "My Cat from Hell." It's not just for people with problem cats (or as Jackson might put it, cats with problem people). No, Blog--this show teaches you super useful things about being the guardian of any cat. And today I'll tell you about only one of them.

Jackson has pointed out several times in the first two episodes of MCFH that many cats are "tree cats." While some are "bush cats" and feel most comfortable in settings low to the ground, it is instinctual for most cats to enjoy being high up. And when they have access to high spots--shelves, rampways built by handy folks with power tools, and cat trees--many cats are much happier.

So, we decided last weekend to get a cat tree. I researched the heck out of the subject (like I obsessively tend to do) and found this economical, well-reviewed, simple cat tree available from PetSmart.


What I like about this tree:

1.  It's tall. Which is the point. The upper shelf of the tree is about five feet high, putting a cat there at eye level with humans, which is nifty.

2.  It has curved perches. I read on a blog that platforms that are curved or nest-like are appreciated by many cats, because they feel less likely to fall.

3.  It looks good in our house--matches the carpet and doesn't have too big of a footprint.

4.  It's sturdy and stable, but light enough to move from spot to spot.

Which I did. First we put the tree by the patio doors, the intended spot. It lets the cats watch the trees and birds outside. Then I moved it to the living room, where they could look out another window or just nap by us while we talk or watch TV. At night I moved it next to my computer desk, so Cody could hang out with me while I worked. Beats the heck out of his former fave spot, draped over the keyboard!

It's possible to enhance a simple cat tree like this too.  I added a second dangle, using some chain I had and securely stapling it to the wood through the carpet. We have several dangle toys so now can change them up easily on the tree. I set up the tree next to a silk tree for some fun foliage to hide behind. I installed a catnip fish on a wire out of the silk tree, within batting range from the upper perch, and that was a big hit.

All our cats find the tree intriguing and fun. Tiny tuxedo cat Selke digs the lower perch. Our Norwegian Forest Cat Alice seems to be a bush cat, but she likes staring at her siblings and playing with the lower dangle toy. Cody (our brilliant tabby) has definitely fallen in love. I made a video of Codes demonstrating for you some of the awesome things a cat can do in a cat tree. I hope you'll watch...it turned out really kind of beautiful (I love the background music) and sure captures the happiness that can come from a cat tree.

 

Thank you, Jackson Galaxy! You've made our cats' lives (and ours) better already. Next up: I've started getting Cody used to a harness and he's going to learn to walk on a leash, like the cat we saw on Jackson's show. As much as he loves being on the patio, Codes is going to flip over being able to go for walks and explore!

Cody learns to jump through a hoop etc.

As you know, Blog, our cat Cody has been working long and hard on clicker training, and we finally have a performance on video to document his great success. So I'm here today to share with our readers the proof that you can train a regular house cat to do the same cool stuff big cats do!

After seeing on the show "Must Love Cats" how easily kitties can be trained using a clicker, I was determined to try it at home. I started by ordering myself a copy of the book Cat Training in 10 Minutes by Miriam Fields-Babineau. I highly recommend this book as a terrific resource.

In addition to the book, I needed a few essential tools for Cody's training. The first, of course, was a clicker. They're not expensive, so spring for a sturdy one; you'll find them at your local pet supply store. I also needed cat treats, and nothing says "treat" to Cody like turkey. Training treats only need to be pea size or less, so even an ever-so-slightly-husky cat like Cody won't put on weight from training.

The one other item I really needed to lay my hands on, Blog, was a hoop. Now this proved a daunting task. It seems that no one actually sells sturdy plastic hoops suitable for being jumped through by housecats. Go figure. In fact, there's not even anything (until NOW!!!) on the Internet about how to make one.

I went to my local Home Depot, thinking "irrigation tubing," but they didn't have any that was a nice ~1/2" size. So I asked the helpful Home Depot Lady about plastic tubing. "What sort of thing do you need it for?" she asked. "I'm training my cat to jump through a hoop so I need to make a hoop," I told her.

Blank, confused look. "Okay," she said, "let's ask Jim, he's the specialist on PVC tubing." We found Jim. The H.D. Lady said, "She's looking for 1/2" plastic tubing," and he said, "What sort of thing do you need it for?" I told him, "I'm training my cat to jump through a hoop so I need to make a hoop."

Deja vu.

Anyway, the illustration shows what I ended up buying: some Pex tubing and a Pex fitting. It worked perfectly and took about five minutes to convert to a hoop for Cody. Here's the resulting hoop:

So, I have trained with Cody maybe 5 days a week, for five to ten minutes a day, for about five weeks. Honestly though, Blog, he learned each new trick in a couple days...continuing training is simply helping him focus so he's less distracted and confused. You can see in the video how well it worked! And the video will also show you a few things about how clicker training works.

The coolest thing I learned from training Cody is that a cat really does care enough about your opinion to want to learn to do what you ask. It's not just about the turkey. He really seems to love our training sessions and getting to play along and do things that get a pleased reaction from his best buddy (me). I'm looking forward to teaching him more tricks like high five, shaking hands, jumping from chair to chair, etc.

So I highly recommend you try this with your cat! And if you do, or already have a cat that does tricks, please share in the comments. Say it with me, Blog: "Yay Cody!"

Homemade Gifts Reveal Part 1: Needlecrafts

Hey Blog, it was the best Christmas ever for our family in every way! A lot of the reason was that it was our first "Creative Christmas." Daughter Katie, with the backing of her sis Amanda, suggested this year we eschew lists and give each other total surprise gifts, things involving less expense and more creative thinking. As a crafty sort of person, I took that ball and ran with it! And the family members all did a super job on their gifts. I love everything I received! And I humbly report that my gifts were all huge hits. Yay!

So, I've been keeping the interwebs in suspense as to most of what I was up to the past months, and now I'm here to share with you all those secrets at last! I'm going to post three parts to this Big Reveal, starting today with needlecrafts. Two of my presents were sewn items, and here they are.

KATIE'S FELT CAMERA

You may recall some months ago when I made a new case for my little camera, ICU. When Katie saw it, she expressed the wish that she had a small camera (rather than her big SLR type) just so she could have such a case. Subsequently, she tracked down on Etsy some felt cameras that had been made by needlecraft artists that made her flip (and cost beaucoup bucks). How could I not take this as a hint?

So, I looked for a model of camera that had a simple boxy shape and a lot of doodads all over it, and found this Rolleiflex. It was perfect to reproduce (more or less accurately) in felt. The camera is about 3" tall and I reinterpreted all its lenses, dials, buttons and crank in felt and thread. All the little snippets were glued before sewing, which helped keep everything in place. The stitches used (for the embroiderers out there) were running, whip, and satin. I reinforced the strap with ribbon so it is sturdy and you can actually wear the camera. It's stuffed with polyester fiberfill with cardboard to support the shape.

And yes, embroidering the tiny letters on this thing was really a challenge.

So, here are views from all four sides. Just to be cute, I incorporated Katie's birthdate in the serial number on the back.

This little project took about 20 hours, including the original pattern making. I'll put it to you this way: I had a great time doing it, but I don't want to do another one real soon! LOL

And most certainly it was all worth it when I saw Katie's reaction on Christmas Eve:

(By the way, Blog, she had overheated from all the excitement even before this.)

DAVIE'S SIMON'S CAT

Davie and I are huge fans of Simon's Cat, the feline cartoon/video star of the interwebs. During the fall, I discovered that the website had a neat little gift shop and in December they planned to offer stuffed Simon's cats for sale. I bookmarked the page with the intention of getting one for Davie. However, I went to the site in December only to find that the stuffed cats were sold out! Bummer!

One evening Davie went to bed especially early and I had nothing to do (yeah, can you believe that?). I had a sudden brainstorm that why not use the three hours of time out of Davie's sight to make him a homemade Simon's Cat? Could I be blamed for copyright infringement when I really tried to buy one from the shop but couldn't? :-)

I designed one that I felt interpreted the 2D nature of a cartoon cat into a suitable 3D version (the one sold on the site was just a 2D image made into a pillow). It really seemed to work, and after I cut it out, sewed it, stuffed it, and highlighted the "pen lines" with Magic Marker, I decided it truly did! Here's the little guy:

And next to Cody, for scale:

In the insane flurry that was the holiday, we almost forgot to open the box with the cat in it! But he was the last present opened, and is now ensconced on a nice perch on Davie's computer desk.

In our next episode, I'll share Part 2: Graphics Stuff!

I can haz Turbo Track?

I'm using LOLcat speak today, Blog, because it's Turbo Track Day!  The day I've been waiting for ever since, while desperately trying to think of birthday present ideas for myself, I decided to find the coolest cat toy I could...and discovered the Turbo Track.  What, doesn't everyone ask for toys for their cats for their birthday?  Heck, it will be Alice's birthday too, so it's not totally insane.

Anyhoo, my Google searching for the best cat toy led me to the highly admired Bergan Turbo Track.  It was developed by a cat psychologist (why didn't I choose that career?) and got raves all over the Interwebs.  I wasted a good hour watching YouTube videos of cats playing with their Turbo Tracks and they all looked fascinated.  (It didn't hurt that the feline star of Turbo Track videos, Venus, looked just like Cody.  Or that the Turbo Track box cat looked like Alice.)  It was a mere fifteen bucks, how could you go wrong?

Well, as you can see from the photos, Codes and Pookers love the TT.  As I type this, Cody is in the living room behind me going as mental over the TT in "8 Track" configuration as he ever has over catnip.  He's been at it for ten minutes straight, which in cat-minutes is like 75,803 hours. 

Now, it may seem a little wack that I wanted a toy for my cats for my birthday.  But I bet a lot of pet owners get that.  First of all, watching the antics of our furry companions is often more entertaining than having antics ourselves...especially if you, like me, are a member of the over-50 crowd.  Secondly, I kind of dote on, especially, Cody, and so it's fun to give him something for the occasion. 

And thirdly, tomorrow is my birthday party with the family, and it will also be a present to me if my dad and daughters and their beaux and the adorable daughter of one of their beaux enjoy the cats with their Turbo Track.

Just look at Cody's crazed face in this photo!  Isn't making your American Shorthair get just as wild as your tiger the best present a girl could wish for?

And of course, what better way to kick off the first day of my Birthday Week (the actual day is Wednesday) than to spend an hour making a funny cat video?  Well Blog, of COURSE I had to immediately make my own Turbo Track Cat Video!  And here it is!

Hold the phone, Blog!  Our third cat, Selke, has actually emerged from whatever dimension in which she dwells most of the day away from prying human eyes!  I must go now and see if there's any chance I can get her into the Turbo Track.  Odds are against it, but you never know.  She's a cat, and it's a Turbo Track, and this toy is pretty dang irresistible, they say....  Hey!  Selke!  Get your bulemic-but-cute-self over here and check this out!

Selke the cat and her Powervom

[Queasiness warning: this post is more silly than graphic, but do not read it while eating your breakfast.]

In the photo you see our cat Cody posing with our cat Selke, to give you a sense of feline scale.  Selke is petite, Blog.  She is really tiny, like your average bag lunch.  That's why I'm so amazed at her capacity to produce vom.

Selke is somehow capable of generating pretty much her own weight in puke after a meal.  That is why I want to officially declare that Selke's superpower, if she were to apply for superhero status, would definitely be her Powervom.

Our third cat Pookie, who is a long-haired Norwegian Forest Cat, produces the occasional hairball for which one can hardly blame her.  She is 75% fluff after all.  Cody throws up once every six months or so, completely soundlessly.  That's because he's awesome.  And yes, he's my favorite cat ever (and my family is very tired of hearing that.)

Selke is not soundless, which is a good thing, because you need to be able to track her behind bookshelves, under tables, and through piles of electronics wiring when she is in Powervom Mode.  She is not one to do the job all at once, even though sometimes the initial quantity makes you think so.

There is always more vom.

There is another great mystery about this situation, Blog:  How Selke manages to subsist on the amount she eats minus the amount she hurls.  Science would tell you she should be the size of a small gerbil by now, but this is not the case. 

I guess that's just the supernatural wonder of the Powervom at work.

And lastly, there is a third great mystery:  why we humans actually like our pets in spite of things like this.  Believe me, we are rooting for Selke to decide to turn in her superhero cape and set aside the magic of the Powervom, but until then, we continue to feed her.  Even though every time we do, it feels like a terrible mistake.

Fear not, readers, this video is not of the Powervom.  It's a nice, festive holiday video of Selke in a battle to the death with her reindeer antlers.

You do not want to be exposed to the Powervom.  Believe me.

Captured on film!

Blog, today I feel that I have joined the ranks of the world's great journalistic filmmakers.  I achieved the lifelong dream of capturing on video an event I thought would evade me forever.  Wow.

Of course I will share this footage with our readers, but before I do, let's spin the Randometer and ask him to share with us a couple examples of rare, amazing stuff being caught on film.  Hit it, Randometer!

Look at that!  Yes, it says here that this is a cough, something I've always considered more or less invisible, captured on camera by a Dr. Gary Settles a couple years back.  It was a special "Schlieren" camera.  Says the good doctor, "In my lab we use this technique a lot."  Well then, I'd love if he could photograph some more cool invisible stuff, like the square root of zero and the true meaning of the U.S. Tax Code.

Randometer has also turned up this amazing image.  The article on Gizmodo.com says, "Behold the rare Octopus USB drive mating ritual.  Notice how the magnetized lips join together in a passionate kiss.  Unfortunately, like the praying mantis, the female is prone to violence after mating. In the background you can see that the female has ripped the face off the male and stuck his lifeless corpse up on the fridge with a phony suicide note. Tragic I know--but it's nature and we mustn't interfere."  That's a pretty incredible photo all right.

But believe it or not, Blog, with my handy camera, ICU, I managed to achieve something far more amazing than either of these.  It's actual video of...wait for it...Cody hiccuping.

I know, right?  This is HUGE.  There are people out there who aren't even aware that cats can hiccup, and now we have proof. 

I never thought I'd see this day.  It's not that it's unusual for Cody to get the hiccups, that happens all the time.  Even though, oddly, he never laughs.  The problem is, his hics never last long, and by the time I've grabbed ICU and switched him to his video function, they are always over.  I have no idea what Cody does to cure his hiccups so effectively.  He doesn't get the other cats to scare him, or drink out of the wrong side of his water dish.  But regardless of that mystery, the point is:  on this video, you can see (and hear) two of his petite little hics, one at 1 second and another at 11 seconds.  Enjoy!

I don't know, Blog...a Pulitzer maybe?  An Oscar for best Short Documentary?  Really, Really Short?

A trip to the vet, or "meow mrowr meow mrowr meow mrowr"

As you know, Blog, I took off work last Friday not only to rip songs to my new iPod, but to assist Davie in taking two of our three cats to the vet for their annual checkup.  Alice (aka Pookie) and Selke were the cats in question; Cody isn't due to go again until November.

Alice and Selke are not the sharpest knives in the drawer o' felines.  The fact that Davie brought out our two cat carriers from under the basement stairs did not faze them.  Cody, however, came downstairs per usual to assist me with my workout and it was then he discovered those ominous crates.

CODY:  Oh my god.  [Flees to places unknown.]

Davie, who typically has to do this duty alone, has found in the past that when the time comes to corral Selke and Alice, they are seldom cooperative.  He advised trapping them both early to ensure the moment of capture would go smoothly.  We found Selke had retired to the linen closet on the second floor, which we keep ajar to accommodate any cats seeking napping spots on the towels.  So we shut her in.

Cody immediately planted himself in front of the door.

CODY:  This is not good!  This is not good!  Selke is in the closet!  Humans?  Hey, humans?  Selke is in the closet!  And...and those bad boxes are out.  Oh my god.  [Wants to flee to places unknown but is not willing to desert Selke.]

Davie found that Alice was in the first floor powder room.  He shut her in.  We got ourselves ready for the trip, the cat carriers were brought up from the basement and placed in the dining room.  Cody could bear his terror no longer and fled to places unknown.

DAVIE:  Okay, Alice is in the bathroom.  You can bring Selke out.

ME:  What if she gets away?  Maybe we should put Alice in a carrier first?

DAVIE:  No, first we can put Selke in a carrier.  She won't get away.

ME:  But what if Alice gets away when you try to get her out of the bathroom?

DAVIE:  I'll let you get her out of the bathroom, blah blah blah and other inaninities were said by him and by me which I can't honestly recall except we were way too paranoid about the plan.

[TIME COMPRESSION THROUGH EDITING...]

We had Selke and Alice safely in their carriers.  They began to meow.  And meow.  And mrowr.  A lot.

CUT TO LIVE FOOTAGE OF THE REST OF THE OUTING...

See what I mean?  Ye gods.

So, we got home from the vet and let Selke and Alice out.  They were fine, unfazed by their shots and their little adventure.  In fact, I think the moment their furry paws hit the carpet their short term memories were already empty.  The joys of not being the sharpest knives in the drawer o' felines.

Cody, however, is too smart for his own good.

CODY [hiding in parts unknown]:  Oh my god!  Oh my god!  They came back alive!  But surely I'm next.  Oh I'm doomed!  So very doomed!  And I have to pee.  Oh no, oh no, oh no....

Hours later the really-having-to-pee Cody slunk down the stairs and into the basement.  He did not make eye contact.  His tail was puffy.  He did not emerge for hours. 

Finally, after dark, he appeared in the living room.  He sat, hunkered down, his tail still puffy, staring.

CODY:  Do I even know you?  Are you planning to torture and kill me?  Will you put me in one of those HORRIBLE CRATES????

ME:  It's okay, Codes, it's okay!  You're fine.  No vet for you, no vet, Buddy!

ALICE [on the back of the couch]:  La dee da, la dee da, life is good, la dee...who am I again?

SELKE: [lying on the cable box]:  Hmmm hmmm sleeping whatevs...

CODY:  I don't trust any of you!  You're plotting my demise, I JUST KNOW IT!

Well, Blog, eventually we did win back Cody's trust (although it took about 36 hours).  But I really wonder how he's going to deal with his turn in November.  Yikes.

I heart Facebook

Dear Blog, there's no denying the invention of the Interwebs by Al Gore totally changed my life.  For one thing, if not for the Web I would never have met you, Blog!  In fact, I'd have to say all but one of the friends I've made in the past decade have been due to the Internet, and several of these are now my very best friends.

Web-based technology also totally changed my career.  I would not be a published, famous-if-you're-willing-to-exaggerate-the-facts author without it.  I'm talking about stuff like epublishing, print-on-demand, submissions by email, Amazon, and Paypal.  And the whole marketing channel that the Web is:  Yahoo Groups, blogs, enewsletters, and so on.

And now, in the last year, there's Facebook.  When I talk about Facebook, people look at me like I've fallen into the clutches of some cult.  Yes, I sing its praises pretty vehemently, and for good reason.  The great thing about Facebook is that it makes social interaction a whole lot more efficient.  That sounds kind of sterile and businesslike, but I don't mean it that way.  I just mean everyone shares with everyone all at once, in an easy-to-peruse format that enables you to pick and choose your deeper interactions while staying abreast of everything.  Oh fudge, let me just illustrate.  In the past couple days on Facebook, among dozens of other things, I:

• got into a couple very intellectual, deep discussions on political philosophy that were very edifying and made me rather proud to be an American
• made a cool new friend from said discussions (a friend of a friend, in Facebook terms)
• talked a little hockey with a Canadian pal
• learned about a cool local project in my community and how to support it
• helped a friend with wedding plans
• got some peeks into the life of the executive producer of my favorite TV show
• kept in touch with my kids
• reassured a person with a medical concern
• learned how to make foccacia bread
• kept abreast of the every-changing schedules of my shows
• enjoyed mutual encouragement of workout plans with friends
• followed (in photos and video) the life of a capybara
• got to see a friend's new haircut (who lives like 800 miles away)
• got to see a friend's new paintings (who lives like 600 miles the other way)
• learned some new facts about the publishing business (very important to me)
• shared this very awesome cat video that I share with you now, Blog:

All this and much more, in an absolutely reasonable and manageable amount of time that didn't conflict with my face-to-face relationships, work, duties, or sleep.

Oh, and it was all very fun.  And made me feel helped and helpful.  And kept me connected to an array of diverse, special, life-enriching human beings.

Blog, some people say the Web cuts you off from real life.  Maybe for some.  But I'll tell you what cuts you off from real life: living out in the country in Iowa before Al Gore's Internet was around.  When I was in my twenties and married to a pastor, we were sent to a rural parish seven miles outside of Fort Dodge, Iowa.  There were times I went a whole week without seeing another live human besides Max and the kids.  Take a gander at the aerial view of our house, via Google Maps which of course did not exist then:

The isolation is truly a metaphor for my existence.  Plus, this being Iowa rather than Wisconsin, there weren't even any trees to speak of.  Here's the view of our mailbox, also via Google Maps which of course did not exist then:

I would venture to guess that whoever is living in that parsonage now is connected to the Internet, making the landscape of rural Iowa no longer a metaphor for her existence. 

And hopefully, Blog, she's on Facebook.

Tomorrow the other shoe drops:  My humble opinion on Twitter.

My Breakup

Dear Blog, I know we’ve just met, but I honestly feel like we are going to be good for each other. Way more so than my last blog. Yes, the breakup is final.

It may just be the thrill of a new love, untainted by the contempt that familiarity can breed, but I already feel I’ve made the right choice. Old Blog was not fulfilling me anymore, I’m afraid. I’m not saying we can’t still be friends, even visit each other occasionally, but that relationship was getting just too limiting.

Limiting how, you ask? Well, Blog, a lot of it was my fault. Being the Marketing Babe that I am, I felt a heavy responsibility to talk about things on Old Blog that I thought had fairly broad appeal. I was always second-guessing whether something interesting to me would have any relevance to anyone else. That’s pretty inhibiting, especially for people like me who are so often interested in things with little relevance to anyone else.

Like making jewelry that looks like olives!

See what I mean, Blog? With you I am free to do things I could never do with my ex! I just love you for that! And in a corollary vein, with that blog I also felt that horrible obligation to Stay on Topic. The topic being, “Erotica with Soul.” Hey, I love discussing love, sex and romance as much as the next person (unless the next person is Tiger Woods, erg, sorry, new blog is not license for bad jokes). But sometimes I just want to talk about something random.

Like this Sky Mall Kitties video with which I am currently obsessed!!!



See, Blog? You actually let me post Sky Mall Kitties! Is there nothing that you aren’t willing to let me share with you? Wow. I’m so thrilled.

I can see I’m going to get to discuss on this blog all the sorts of things I’ve been repressing for the past five years that I spent with my ex. Things like the stuffed lion collection I keep in my office. Or how I made bacon vodka. Or how I heard about ChatRoulette for the first time from my 84-year-old technologically savvy dad. Or why I can’t get enough of Benjamin Linus.

Okay, yeah, I talked about that on Erotica with Soul. Hey, I’m not saying I will never talk about love, sex and romance again. It’s just so liberating that I don’t have to! I still love writing romantic stories and I’m sure I will again soon enough, but the intensity of last year took a bit of a toll. (I published five books including that “worldwide sensation” How to Catch and Keep a Vampire, all while holding down my day job.)

Say, Blog, I bet you’re wondering why didn’t I take advantage of this opportunity to come up with some really creative name for you. Well, I’m afraid the Marketing Babe in me is not totally dead, and the Equivalent Dollar Value of Internet Prestige Rating (EDVIPR) for “Diana Laurence” is currently $12,357.68. So that’s why.

[Want to know the value of your blog name? Visit http://www.edvipr.com/ to find out. Or don't, since I completely made all this up.]

Anyway, being an eclectic person (you know someone else who makes jewelry that looks like olives, Blog?), I just want the chance to express myself in a broader variety of ways. You know, by gesticulating wildly, finger painting with soup, singing Sky Mall Kitties over and over and over, and so on.

And you, dear Blog, are giving me that chance. For this I love you forever! Well, probably for at least five years as that seems to be a normal cycle for me. I wrote the Hockey Snacks ezine for five years, I was with my ex-blog for five years, I’ve been obsessed with Ben Linus for five years...wait, is he coming due? I want to renew Ben Linus please!!!

I digress. But wait a tick! With you, new Blog, there is NO SUCH THING AS DIGRESSING! Oh sweet freedom! I can’t wait to post to you again, my wonderful BFFY (Blog for Future Five Years). And who knows what my topic shall be? (Hint: Broadway musicals, and if that topic bores anyone, tough. Blog will find it fascinating, just like every other dumb and useless thing I have to say!)

P.S.: I also intend to get way more creative with the tags, like cool people like Neil Gaiman and my daughter Katie do. Let’s see, I think I’ll tag this post not only with “cat videos,” “EDVIPR” and “Ben Linus” but also “bacon vodka.” Done.