Blog dares interview me a second time

On March 2, as you may recall, Blog, you interviewed me, and there were twice the requested number of haha box clickers who voted for an encore.

This is that encore.

Blog: Okay, what sort of theme do we have for the interview today, Diana?

Me: I’d like to demonstrate a general principle that you discussed in your interview with the Internet the other day, that being that you, Blog, are not autonomous.

Blog: And that I am really only an extension of your own will and opinions?

Me: Exactly.

Blog: Cosmic. Let’s begin. What’s new with you?

Me: Well, this week I’ve been really enjoying the updates daughter Katie has been sending from the road as she travels Route 66 with her boyfriend. Quite an awesome vacay. I was so inspired in fact that I made up a new word: vacayrious. As in “Vacayrious enjoyment is almost as good as taking the trip oneself.”

Blog: That’s bizarradorable.

Me: Thanks. Anyway, Route 66 rocks. Check out this photo Katie uploaded to Facebook of the famed Blue Whale of Catoosa.

Blog: What the f?

Me: I’ll field that question, Blog. A guy called Hugh Davis built the Blue Whale in the early 1970s as a gift to his wife, who collected whale figurines. The Blue Whale and its pond became Nature’s Acres, a popular Route 66 roadside attraction. By 1988, the Davises were not able to continue managing it, so the park fell into disrepair. But ten years later the people of Catoosa, OK and employees of the Hampton Inn restored it.

Blog: Hooray! Oh, don’t you just love nostalgia?

Me: Indeed I do. Which segues nicely into a great film I saw this week, “Taking Woodstock.”

Blog: Hmm, you know, it does segue nicely, almost as if it were all part of a sinister plan…what are you up to?

Me: I just think it’s interesting that the last day of Woodstock, August 18, 1969, was my thirteenth birthday. I like to boast that I passed through puberty during the Summer of Love.

Blog: T.M.I., Diana.

Me: Around that time I seriously crushed on the two longhaired guys who wrote and starred in the musical “Hair.” And all these years later while watching “Taking Woodstock,” I found myself amusingly attracted to the actor who played famous Woodstock organizer Michael Lang, with his fabulous 60’s ‘fro.

Blog: Ah, I see you mean Jonathan Groff, star of Broadway’s “Spring Awakening.”

Me: Yes, ironic in view of my own 1969 “spring awakening.”

Blog: Nice euphemism. And isn’t he currently guest starring on “Glee”?

Me: Yes, the very emotion I frequently felt when I was thirteen. And still feel when I look at Jonathan Groff.  Especially when he sings. 

Blog: Okay, Aging Teeny-Bopper, let’s get back to the movie. Was it good?

Me: Indeed. I particularly loved Liv Schreiber’s portrayal of Vilma, a cross-dressing Vietnam vet with a heart of gold.

Blog: Well, I can’t imagine a movie that couldn’t be improved by the inclusion of a cross-dressing Vietnam vet with a heart of gold--wait a tick, is THAT Liv Schreiber?

Me: Yup.

Blog: Would it be wrong of me to say he’s kind of attractive in drag?

Me: Better you than me.

Blog: But I thought this interview was about how I’m just an extension of you!

Me: Hmmm, what does it all mean? Hey, my excuse is that Liv Schreiber is always attractive.

Blog: Riiiiight. Maybe we could digress awhile from your, um, interesting fascinations.

Me: Certainly. I did want to bring up a weird thought I had, pondering the movie. Play along with me here, Blog and readers. Think of a memory you had, say, 25 years ago. That was about the time I coped with living in the rural boondocks of Iowa by obsessing about Rick Springfield, who was on “General Hospital” and had just released “Jesse’s Girl.”

Blog: Wow, that is awhile ago!

Me: So, pick your old memory and think how long ago it seems. Now think about how in 25 years you’ll be feeling that same exact nostalgia about what’s happening to you RIGHT NOW.

Blog: You mean, writing this blog with you?

Me: Yes!

Blog: Cosmic.

Me: I know!

Blog: And you managed to sneak in a fifth celebrity crush.

Me: Who’s counting?

Blog: I think you just wanted me to ask you about your celebrity crushes, this whole time!!!

Me: Since you asked, Duncan Keith.

Blog: Who’s Duncan Keith?

Me: My latest celebrity athlete crush. The All Star defenseman and Norris Trophy nominee from the Chicago Blackhawks.

Blog: And did I ask?

Me: Not really.

Blog: I’m beginning to feel like I have no control whatsoever over this interview.

Me: Q.E.D., Blog...Q.E.D.*

*An acronym of the Latin phrase quod erat demonstrandum, which means “that which was to be demonstrated.” The term was invented long before texting became popular, but feel free to use it on your smartphone anytime.

MAY FLOWER CHALLENGE FINAL REMINDER

Okay, people, the May Flower post is this Saturday, so submit your images by day’s end Wednesday! Anything featuring flowers or plant life is acceptable! Photography, crafts, art work, food, heck we’ll even take poetry! Email to me at dianalaurence @ wi.rr.com (without the spaces). Otherwise I will send Guido, the guy on my payroll who breaks knees, to your house. J/K. Probably.

Blog takes control

Well, it seems that Blog has had an interesting idea: He thought it might be fun to interview me, and ask some of the questions none of the “real” interviewers have asked.

For an author that 1 in 1589730497 people has heard of, I’ve done quite a lot of interviews over the past five years. And I’m not complaining about what I was asked; I was always thrilled just to have someone interested in me at all. But these interviewers (much like myself on my old blog) felt obligated to stay on topic. They were asking me things on behalf of fiction readers, after all. So they kind of had to ask “Where do you get your ideas?” and “What’s your next project?”

Not so with you, Blog.

So, without further ado, let’s hear what Blog wants to know about me....

Blog: Have you ever noticed that the last line of the verses in “Young Girl” and “Lady Willpower” by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap have the exact same tune?

Me: Yes, in fact I have.

Blog: Did you ever notice that the one flute riff in “Land Down Under” by Men at Work has the same tune as “Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree”?

Me: No, wow--hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hma hmm hmm hmm hmm...you know, you’re right!

Blog: What’s your favorite Claes Oldenburg sculpture?

Me: I think it’s a tie between the Cherry Spoon Bridge in Minneapolis and the Crusoe Umbrella in Des Moines. How about you?

Blog: Cherry Spoon. Do you know the way to San Jose?

Me: Oh now, that’s just getting silly.

Blog: Sorry. What’s your favorite planet in the Solar System, besides Earth?

Me: And Kevin Smith? Oh, groannn, I apologize, you know I love Kevin Smith. My favorite planet is Jupiter, bccause in our grade school pageant our class played Jupiterians.

Blog: How jovial. Ha ha ha!

Me: Nice Latin punning there, Blog.

Blog: Thanks. What’s your favorite Kevin Smith movie?

Me: Still “Clerks.” I love the scene where Randal and Dante are arguing about the Death Star.



Blog: Nice. Now, as a romance author, you had to keep your geeky side a bit under wraps. What are the top five proofs that you are a total geek, in no particular order?

Me: 1. I crush on I.T. guys and engineers, and would rather go out for drinks with Sheldon from “The Big Bang Theory” than Brad Pitt. 2. I think comic book and action figure collecting is awesome and the more a guy has, the more attractive he seems to me. 3. I have been in love with Klaatu (Michael Rennie’s version, not Keanu Reeves, oh please!) for over forty years. 4. One of my proudest accomplishments is that I watched the first episode of the original Star Trek the day it premiered. 5. I think Ren Faires rock.

Blog: Okay, now even I am embarrassed to associate with you.

Me: You’re teasing.

Blog: Yes, I am. How do you like your gin?

Me: In a dirty martini with a bleu cheese olive.

Blog: And how do you like your bleu cheese?

Me: On a burger with bacon.

Blog: And how do you like your bacon?

Me: Um...on a burger, with bleu cheese?

Blog: Oh.

Me: Are you stuck now, Blog?

Blog: No, no, I’m not stuck! Just give me a minute. Okay, what’s your Jersey Shore name?

Me: I totally don’t get “Jersey Shore”! It baffles me!

Blog: You should go with The Wow-Situation.

Me: No, I don’t think so.

Blog: Okay, fine. Whose your favorite judge on “American Idol”?

Me: Ben Folds, even though he’s never been. He just should be.

Blog: What’s the best reality show competition ever?

Me: That’s easy! “Craft Corner Deathmatch”!

Blog: That’s not a real show.

Me: Yes, it was on the Style Network in 2005, you can watch an excerpt HERE!

Blog: You’re the frightening kind of geek.

Me: I’m harmless.

Blog: Okay, but if you were made dictator of the whole wide world, what’s the first thing you’d make happen?

Me: Have Gary Puckett rewrite that one line so it wasn’t the same in both “Young Girl” and “Lady Willpower.”

Blog: You’re trying to force this full circle so we can be done, aren’t you?

Me: You saw through my diabolical plan.

Blog: Can I interview you again sometime?

Me: Only if at least three people check the haha box below, Blog.