So, Blog, I see you have another special guest with us today. Please introduce our readers to my BFF Transport Tray!
Blog: Readers, Transport Tray. Transport Tray, readers.
TT: Oh I’m just a little tray,
But I’m here to save the day!
You only have two hands,
So I’m here at your command.
Just put your stuff inside,
And I’ll take it for a ride.
Basement trip or second floor,
There’s no hassles anymore!
Blog: Cute, Transport Tray, bravo. Please tell us, and prose will suffice, how you came to be Diana’s “BFF.”
Blog: Settle down there, Tray. I think your thread is unraveling a little--
TT: I’ve carried thread for her too! Oh but YEAH, with the landline gone and ’Berry instead--
Blog: ’Berry being Diana’s Blackberry smart phone--
TT: Right! Right! Well, he had to be near her all the time too, I mean at first there were missed calls, it was her kids and they were all like “Momzi! You missed our calls! What’s up with that?” So ’Berry, and Navie, all the time. All the time, and what if she was in her pajamas?
Blog: What if she was in her pajamas, Tray?
TT: No pockets! Yikes! Missed calls, the kids all, “Yeah, Momzi’s gonna miss calls without a landline, she can’t handle no landline I guess.” And you can’t have pockets all the time, you know that, you KNOW that!
TT: And only two hands! Not an octopus either!
Blog: ...because octopi have hands...
TT: But no fear! She found me in a drawer, just storing some stuff she doesn’t much bother with, cards and check pads, check pads, old keys, so I was........REPURPOSED.
TT: OOOOH!!! Repurposed! To carry her stuff! So in the morning, I carry Navie, and ’Berry, and sometimes other stuff downstairs like the drawer cookie bag.
Blog: And what, exactly, is “the drawer cookie bag”?
TT: She keeps a cookie in the bathroom drawer! For low blood sugar during the night. If she eats it, she needs a new cookie from Professor Snowcaps!
Blog: And we all know the Professor.
TT: Yes! Yes! I carry the bag, she gets a new cookie. But at night, lots to carry at night, there’s ’Berry, and Navie, and Checkers--
Blog: Hold it, I don’t believe our readers have encountered Checkers before.
TT: He’s the regular glucose monitor. For checking if Navie is right. Or when Navie is sleeping, every five days he sleeps all night. But I carry them! And other stuff! How would she carry all this, Diana isn’t square and doesn’t have rectangular sides!
Blog: She’s been called “square,” but she definitely doesn’t have rectangular sides, you couldn’t be more correct.
TT: It’s a Super Important Job.
Blog: Well yes, it certainly is, Transport Tray. And I can’t imagine anyone in the household more capable of doing it than you.
TT: Nope. Nope. Snowcaps: too big. Kitchen Lion: too small, no sides. Cody: too much fur. Alice: too much fur. Selke: too much fur and would vom on Diana’s stuff.
TT: ICU: too small, no sides. Drawer cookie bag: too small. A.B.: too big--
Blog: A.B. is the stove, and yes, Tray, that’s fine, let’s just stop--
TT: Davie: also only two hands. Racer Y: Not allowed in the house. Ipo--
Blog: TRANSPORT TRAY!!!
Blog: We are out of room now.
TT: Sometimes I’m out of room.
Blog: Yes, exactly. So say goodbye to the nice readers for today!
TT: Goodbye, nice readers, for today!
Don’t you covet a Transport Tray?
Blog: Everyone does, Tray, everyone does.
Readers, it may be April Fool’s Day, but I assure you, this is my real life. Honestly. Sorry to freak you out a little bit.